Broken

Life can get you to the lowest degree of depression, but you have to rise above it.

My life is in a awkward place right now.
My physical body is in a lot of pain.
My mental state is going through cardiac arrest.
My heart feels as if is beating one beat at a time- Really slowly.
Resuscitate! *pause for 10 seconds*
CPR immediately!
After 3 minutes, I cough and I come back to life.
Satan is attempting to take my life!
I'm in intensive care for 30 minutes.
I crash in five minutes.
Resuscitate! *pause for 10 seconds
The doctors shock me 3 times.
I come back.
The doctors don't understand what's going on.
My breathing is fine,
But there is something else going on.
My mental state remains in cardiac arrest,
While the rest of my body is fine.
I've been in this state for 3 years.
April 20, 2017: I lost my first immediate family member-
My aunt.
And then 5 weeks later I lost my mother.
Resuscitate! *pause for 10 seconds
June 7, 2017 my whole life changed.
Ever since that day, most of my nights have been sleepless.
Fast forward to January of the current year,
In January of 2020 I had a serious relapse
And went into a deep depression about loosing my mom.
It took me 2 months to get over this hurdle.
April 9th after I thought i had gotten over this,
My grandmother passes away.
Resuscitate! *pause for 10 seconds
Thats all 3 of my female family influences in less than 3 years.
I've never lost this many people in a single year in my life.
For it to be the 3 closest family members to me,
I'm torn apart.
Its very difficult for me to move forward each day
Because I'm in so much physical, mental, and emotional pain.
I'm doing everything I can to get the proper assistance.
But this process will take a lot of prayer
And even some professional assistance.
Because I'm strong, but not strong enough to handle this on my own.
I'm going to seek the help I need.
Because God put doctors here for a reason,
So I'm going to take advantage of the resources He's given me.