"Robert Connor diaries" 1st episode 1st chapter

It was already two o'clock. I couldn't sleep anymore.

Although this summer was extremely cold, it was terribly hot today.

I didn't want to wake up either. I felt bad.

Suddenly I felt something wants to come up. I ran to the bathroom and I let come out all 

this alcohol I had drinked yesterday. I threw up once, but still felt it's not getting 

any better. I pushed my fingers into my throat several times for getting better feeling.

When I felt well enough, I finally walked back to the bed.

I took one cigarette from my Marlboro pack and a zippo, with I put the smoke on fire.

Then I dressed up myself in a hurry with cigarette in my mouth and walked to the bar 

cabinet.

"Damn it! There's nothing left!" I thought to myself.

I started to look for car keys and my wallet. Finally I found them in the kitchen.

I even didn't remember when I put them there. I slide the keys and wallet into my pocket 

and I stepped out. "I haven't dare to go out in a long time with so hideous looking," I 

thought. I was wearing a white, a little bit dirty and creased, silk smart shirt, which 

was partly in my pants and partly out. Below were light blue jeans and black shoes.

I took the lift to the first floor. Stepping to the street, I gave a look to my brand new 

Mercedes with its sedan body. I just had bought it from need for a larger car. I threw 

slovenly down half burned cigarette without erasing it. I sat into my car and noticed that 

I even hadn't lock the doors yesterday. I didn't care about that. I start the engine 

and began to drive smoothly, looking for place where I could buy alcohol. I didn't have to 

look a long. Around half a kilometer from my apartment I found a liquor store. 

I parked negligently in front of the shop and stepped out of the car. I walked to the shop 

with fast pitches and took three biggest and expensive brandys. Money, the seller had to 

pay back, I didn't take, but went out of the store with a rush. I couldn't wait to take a 

swig. I turned the cap off and took a large rattle. I didn't even notice its strength 

anymore, I was so used that I drank it as well as water. I searched for a smoke pack in my 

pockets, but realized that I had forgotten it at home. I looked to the glove box and found 

a pack of cigarettes there after all. I had a habit to leave my smokes everywhere for 

later wouldn't be a stockout. I opened the pack and took a cigarette. I put it to burn 

with the cigarette lighter and turned the window down. I start the engine and pressed the 

accelerator to the ground. I couldn't wait. I wanted to quickly home. I parked my car, 

took the beverages and went to the lift. And again, I forgot to lock the doors. And still 

I didn't care about that.

Reaching the lift, I opened a bottle and this time I gulp down even more than before. 

I opened the apartment door. As usual, I noticed that I had forgotten to leave the door 

locked. I didn't care about that either.

I threw my wallet and keys on the sofa and walked to the bedroom. 

I sat on a large double bed and took a look over my phone. Three missed calls. I didn't 

bother to look at from who they've made of. I opened the bottle and took another rattle. 

I put a stereo system to play, which was in my bedroom. Although I usually didn't listen 

to opera, however, this time I decided otherwise. I liked it when I was sad, because then 

I felt that I'm not the only one. Moreover, at this moment I wouldn't have been able to 

listen to any club music. I erased my cigarette on the floor. I shook the ash down there, 

too, because I didn't have an ashtray anymore. I took one rattle after another and thought

over my life in anguish. 

"Why has this happened though? Why her, not me? After all, I loved her so much!". 

I felt a tear ran down on my cheek. "I cannot go on living without her!". I still had it 

so hard to believe, because the whole time we had spent together, I was afraid most of 

all that something happens to her. "We had such a great time together. Okay, sometimes 

we had our fights, but who hadn't? It was a natural part of any couple. I'd do anything 

to bring her back!" I thought. "I cannot imagine how I should be able to live ahead. Or 

perhaps I'm not." I felt how my both cheeks were wet. I heard my phone ringing. I didn't 

make it out and drank on. "What should I do without her?". 

I already felt alcohol took an effect on me. Instead of thinking, I started to talk to 

myself. " If I had a gun, I'd shoot myself. What kind of life is that?!" I sayd to myself. 

I took the stereo remote control and switched the volume of music I listened, up. I opened 

the drawer cabinet, which was next to the bed. I took out a box full of antidepressants 

and sedatives, what I had received from my psychologist. I dispensed both 10-20 tablets 

and drank brandy a big rattle. I shed in the bed with my clothes on and dragged the quilt 

over my body. I let the music play, it was so nice to hear these sad songs. I closed my 

eyes. I wasn't sad no longer. I was just lying and waited my end up. 

Earlier, I didn't believe that before death, human goes through the whole of its past in 

the eyes. But now I know it's true. I experienced it myself.

Reviews

[M.A. Van Dyke]

This seems to be a strong story. I've only read this first chapter, but I like where it's going. If I'm wrong then I'm wrong, but it seems as though English is not your primary language. I really like the way that you phrase things, I like the way that you put words together that is different, fresher, for it. There were only a few instances when I couldn't quite make sense of what you meant using a certain word. Also, I'm reading this from my iPod so it might just be me, but the format of your paragraphs is all funky. Those are my only critiques. Overall this is pretty damn good!

[Nicole Clarice Anna Wie..]

I think that you have the beginning to a very strong book here. The ideas are facinating and relatable; this is definitely the kind of book that I would sit down and read. However, there are many spelling and grammatical errors throughout this chapter. It is also missing some structured paragraphs. - The paragraphs don't bother me too much.. I like when people write unstructured in their own style. But I would recommend perhaps getting an editor for the spelling and grammer. Hope this helps,
Cheers,
NCAW

[D.L. Simmons]

It would be a lot more readable if you put paragraph breaks in :)
and also, I think it would be better if you helped us to know about your character, beyond his feelings. In other words, bring in people he loves, hates, is struggling with, and help us to know him in the context of them. Does that make sense?

[Robert Connor]

Thank you KayleeLegend. I am very happy that someone like my story:)

[KayleeLegend]

First of all, I like the way you're addressing issues that quite a few of young adults, or even adults deal with these days. It makes it more relatable, and I throughly enjoyed the way you ended it. It draws you in. I'd say, get someone to edit it. There are a couple grammar and punctuation mistakes, but those aren't too big. I'd say work on the way your form his ideas. It can be quite choppy, and you start most sentences with "I." Try to diversify that, and I think that as you get farther into the story, I can tell that this character can achieve great emotional progress.

Keep up the good work!