Light

Just a new style of poetry I was trying out

The light doesn't shine, it splits through the dark

The light that reaches me it touches my heart

The light cannot be heard, as it does embark

But when the light comes, it inspires my art

The light can give life, and it can destroy

The light is loved by the girl and the boy

The light can be bright and it can be dim

but without the light, the world is most grim

The light is not alive like you and like me

The light gives life to all that you see

The light is power and strength inside

Our heart is where the light forever resides

Author's Note

Thank you for all your suggestions, After a quick proof read I found many mistakes I made. That is what I get for submitting things on my phone at work :).

Reviews

[Ees]

Very nice work.
I really like it. I normally don't sound so idiotic when I review. (I don't think anyway.) But I am having trouble thinking of what to say right.

I don't like the "bark" line. It rhymes. It just sounds like you were trying to rhyme too hard. It doesn't do the poem justice at all. Surely you can search for another word that doesn't sound so gimmicky.

Everything else is done perfectly. I love it. Cool concept. Well executed.
Great job!

[Cookie]

This is a very nice poem ...keep up the good work.

[Sami Khalil]

I like this poem and your definitions of light...Well penned...:)

[Robert Michael Miller Jr.]

I appreciate you reading my work. Thank you

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[Connor Burns]

Fantastic, I enjoy your writing style. I write similar things and i'm kinda new so check me out and see what you think. I love the personification that you gave light and the meter is great and very fluid. And yes Ees does have a point, embark kinda throws it off a bit. But other than the one slight problem it was nice

[Robert Michael Miller Jr.]

Thank you, I take all reviews, no matter how little or small into consideration and let it shape me as a writer. I think this piece is just about set in stone, but these suggestions will definitely cross my mind when I am working on future pieces.

[Pollai]

The flow is really smooth, effortless read. I enjoyed it, but I think a bit of grammar touch-up will help. I don't know if its intentional but, "Our hearts is where the light will reside", plurality check?

[Robert Michael Miller Jr.]

Thank you, not intentional.. sometimes I submit things in a hurry and don't get the time to read back through them. A lot of my work is done at work in my head, then I type it out really fast and submit it on my phone, and it can take several days to review it sometimes.

[Pollai]

No worries, still a great read :)

[SyberRose]

I enjoyed this...good job...I could offer a suggestion for the third line in the first stanza...light cannot be heard as it embarks or as it does embark...instead of bark...other then that light is a good subject to write about.

[Robert Michael Miller Jr.]

Thank you, I like that. This is my most recent poem and with the work schedule and life I lead I have yet to revisit it, so I honestly appreciate the critique.