Alfie: The Featherweight Champion of London

The King of Stargold is coming to London for the first time to have afternoon tea with the Queen – but everything goes wrong on the way. Can Alfie the Pigeon save the day?

The King of Stargold, an Island in the South Pacific, has decided to take his first ever trip away from his native shores, and travel to England.  
“I think I’ll go to London and have some of the famous Afternoon Tea with the Queen, if she’ll have me” said the King to one of his guards, “I’d also like to do a little bit of sight-seeing” 
The guard promptly rang Buckingham Palace and asked the Queen’s advisor if her majesty would like to have Afternoon Tea with the King on his first visit to London. 
“Her Majesty would be delighted to entertain the King of Stargold” said the advisor, “And I’ll have our head guard escort his Majesty on his sight-seeing tour”. 
 
Everything was set. The King was to start his sightseeing tour at Trafalgar Square and have his picture taken with the lions, then he is to have his own personal ride on the London Eye, after which he wishes to be filmed by Big Ben when the famous chimes go off, before being escorted through the palace courtyard into the Queen’s dining room so he can have Afternoon Tea with the Queen. 

The day of the visit came and all was set for the Kings tour " everything was on a very tight schedule. 
The Queen’s head guard met the King and his entourage at the Airport and escorted them into London to start the tour " there were some of the Queen's guards at every point of the journey to make sure everything went smoothly. 
 
The first point of the Kings tour was to be at Trafalgar Square where all the big Lion statues are. 
Another thing Trafalgar Square is known for is Pigeons, there are hundreds and hundreds of Pigeons that all flock around the square everyday - one of those Pigeons is Alfie. 

Alfie actually spent most of his time in Hyde Park talking with his best friend Dylan, a Squirrel who lived in one of the trees there, and had actually been talking to Dylan that very morning.

"I can't wait for the King of Stargold to visit London" said Alfie to his friend.
"Me neither, I'll be at the palace waiting when he arrives" replied Dylan
"Then I'll see you there, I'm off to Trafalgar Square to see him at his first stop..." Said Alfie before flying away.
"See you there Alfie" said Dyaln as he watched his friend zoom off.

No sooner had Alfie arrived at Trafalgar Square when one of the Queen's guards came running in looking all panicked. He ran up to one of the other guards and started to shout: 
“Quick! Quick! The King of Stargold is just around the corner! He's coming to have his picture taken with the Lions bit there's rubbish everywhere!!” 
“What are we going to do?” yelled the other guard. 
Alfie overheard this commotion and flew over to the guards. 
“Would you mind telling me what all the fuss is about?” asked Alfie 
“The King of Stargold is coming to have his picture taken with the Lions” replied the guard “it was supposed to have been cleaned up ready for his visit but there's rubbish everywhere and there's Just no time to clean it! He's just around the corner!” 
“Don't worry” said Alfie, “I'm sure me and my friends can get it cleaned up in time” 
With that, Alfie flew round to all the other Pigeons and shouted “Quick everyone, The King of Stargold is coming to have his picture with the Lions! We need to pick up all the rubbish before he gets here!” 
All the Pigeons got up and flew around the square as fast as possible, picking up all the rubbish and putting it all in the bins just as the King’s car pulled up. 
“What a tidy place this is” said the King as he walked up to the Lions, “it looks better than it does in the pictures” 
The King had his picture taken and got back in his car to go to his next destination. 
The Queen's head guard gave a very relieved smile to Alfie and the other Pigeons, then got into the car with the King. 
 
The next destination was the London Eye, the King was to have his own personal ride and have a picture taken at the top.  
The Queen's head guard whispered to the photographer as they got into the carriage “there’s only time for one ride around the eye so make sure the photo is a good one...” 
“Of course” replied the photographer. 
The Carriage started to move as the King looked out of the window, they got half way up and the photographer stumbled inside the carriage causing him to drop the camera out of the window onto the carriage below, unbeknownst to the King. The head guard was horrified, he whispered into his radio to the guards below so as not to bring the Kings attention to the mishap. 
“The camera has fallen out of the window onto the carriage below” he whispered, “the king hasn't noticed yet, but we're near the top and we haven't got time to come round again...”
The guard below started to panic and shouted to a guard next to him “The camera’s fallen out of the window! The camera's fallen out the window!” 
Alfie happened to be flying past and flew down to ask what the problem was. 
“Excuse me” said Alfie “but what is it that’s worrying you so much?” 
“The King of Stargold is on the London Eye but the only camera has fallen onto the carriage below and there's no time for them to come round again....” replied the guard. 
“I think I can help with that”.
Alfie flew up to the carriage with the camera on, gathered it in his beak, flew up to the window of the Kings carriage and gave the camera to the photographer just before the King turned round for his photo. 
“Perfect!” said the King as he marvelled at the photo of himself with such a glorious view behind him. 
They got back down to the bottom and the King got back into his car ready to go to Big Ben. 
The head guard looked up to Alfie flying above them and gave him a ‘thumbs up’. 
 
Next on the tour was Big Ben " the King wanted to have a video of himself stood by the clock as it played the famous chimes. As they drew near, the head guard radioed ahead. 
“We're approaching Big Ben, we'll be there in a few minutes” 
“Yes sir” replied the guard “everything is running to pl.....” suddenly the guard looked up and noticed that the clock wasn't moving! 
“It's not moving sir " I think it must be jammed!” said the guard now getting worried “someone will have to go up and push the hands on”  
“There's no time” said the head guard “we're just around the corner!” 
The other guard shouted over to a colleague. 
“The King is just around the corner and the hands of the clock have jammed " the chimes won't sound if they don't move on!” 
Alfie, who was now taking a keen interest in the Kings journey flew down to the guard. 
“Did you say the hands of the clock have jammed?” 
“Yes” said the guard “and the King is just around the corner, there's no time to get up there!” 
“I'll see what I can do” replied Alfie just before flying up to the clock 
He got up to the clock face and pushed the hand with all his might. Gradually, the hand started to move slowly. Alfie pushed and pushed until finally it moved to the next minute. Alfie could hear the ticking start up again just as the King pulled up. The clock chimed as the King stood proudly in front of his video camera. 
“Fantastic” said the King as the chimes finished “My family will love this!” 
Once again, the head guard looked to Alfie and gave him a huge smile. 
“Only the Palace to get to now, surely nothing else can go wrong” he said to Alfie as he flew back down from the clock. 
 
The Kings car was driving up at The Mall towards the palace. A crowd of cheering people had gathered at the side of the road to catch a glimpse of the Queen's royal visitor. 
Suddenly, the head guard noticed the Kings flag was not on top of the palace where it should be - he spoke into his radio “where is the flag of Stargold?” he said quietly so as not to attract the King, “It should be on the palace.” 
One of the guards in the palace saw it stuck on one of the windows halfway down the wall of the palace. 
“I can see it sir, but its hanging on a window high up... there’s no way we can get to it in time!” 
The head guard started to worry, how could they get the flag back?
Suddenly a thought came to him and he muttered under his breath “there's just one chance”. He looked out of car window and into the sky. Alfie was flying above the car!
The guard managed to get his attention without the King noticing and Alfie flew down to the side of the car. 
“The flag of Stargold is stuck on a window halfway down the wall of the palace” said the guard to Alfie trying not to let the King hear, “do you think you can ...” 
“Don't worry” interrupted Alfie “I'll take care of it” 
With that, Alfie flew as fast as he could up the window where the flag of Stargold was stuck, he got the flag in his beak and flew up to the roof of the castle. He attached the flag to the flag pole just in time for the King to walk through the courtyard. 
“Ahhh” said the King looking up, “What a lovely gesture having our flag raised above the castle. Perfect!” 
The King carried on into the Palace while the head guard walked over to Alfie, who was perched on the gate of the Palace. 
“You are quite something Mr Pigeon” he said admiringly  
“Please sir, call me Alfie” he replied proudly.

The King had a wonderful Afternoon Tea with the Queen, and returned to Stargold having had the most amazing visit to England. 

The head guard didn't forget about Alfie’s heroics in saving the day numerous times and told the Queen that the Kings trip could have been a disaster if it wasn't for this special bird. 
As a reward for his services to the Queen, she awarded him a tiny medal and declared him " Alfie: The Featherweight Champion of London! 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author's Note

This is a first draft so please feel free to correct any grammar/layout issues.

I'm just looking for opinions and feedback

Reviews

[Jaydaut]

The King of Stargold, an Island in the South Pacific, has decided to pay his first ever trip to England.

Decided to pay a visit? Decided to travel to England? "...pay his first ever trip to England." doesn't work, but I don't know what would work short of rewriting the sentence.

The King of Stargold, an Island in the South Pacific, has decided to pay a visit to England on his first ever journey beyond his native shores.

The King of the South Pacific Island nation of Stargold, has decided to pay a visit to England on his first ever journey beyond his native shores.

You needed a third element in there to make the line work, that's why it caught my attention; I knew it was missing something, but I couldn't figure it out. Well, not right away. In any case, the sentence has 40's news reel voice to it, kinda cool and you do stay with it throughout the piece with lines like:

Next on the tour was Big Ben " the King wanted to have a video of himself stood by the clock as it played the famous chimes.

"himself "standing" by.."

While reading your piece, it occurred to me only one great writer has ever lived, worked and risen to fame from where I live; and this only after he died. Which he did penniless and alone in a 12 dollar a night hotel room.

You however live in England - the brith place and cradle of literature, where every person walking down the street has a duty by virtue of an oath, sworn before God, to defend Queen and Country by upholding the tradition British writing supremacy throughout the civilized world.

Russian writers have it even worse, but that's besides the point, you know what I'm talking about.

Okay..that was fun.. J.

[Rob Schnepp]

Thank you for such detailed feedback.

I totally agree with everything you said - now you point it out, I can completely see the oversight in that first sentence.
It's strange how sometimes you simply cannot see these things on first glance, it's always good to get second (or third, or fourth) opinions on something that you are completely clouded by.

I'll try not to let down the long line of British writers :)

Thank you again - very much appreciated.