Chapter 1

BANG!

 

I just shot my father with a damn gun I found in his dresser after I shot mom.

 

Why? You ask. Because they f*****g hate me.

 

Why do they hate me?

 

I'm deaf and mute. I never learned sign language. They tried to teach me how to speak but they found out I have no voice either.

 

I see my mom dead on the ground while my dad clutches his shoulder.

 

"Why?" I see his lips say.

 

I just shoot him again. This time his heart, and he falls down dead.

 

I drop the gun and run out of the house.

 

My name is Rouasha. It means a deaf and mute person. Messed up right?

 

I'm 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. I have no friends. I mean, who wants be with someone who couldn't hear you or speak? I'm gay so that makes it even worse. I've never had a relationship it's just I'd rather die than be with a girl in a relationship like that.

 

I run to the forest near my house and continue to run for about 10 minutes before I decide I went far enough.

 

I just realized it's freezing outside. I forgot to grab my hoodie before running outside. All I'm wearing is a thin t-shirt, skinny jeans with holes in the knees and torn up converse. We've always had trouble with money so my clothes aren't exactly new. Course somehow mom and dad managed to go out every night and they had new clothes every week. Just shows how much they actually cared about me.

 

I lean up against a tree and slide down breathing hard from the run. What am I gonna do now? I put my head down letting my long black bangs fall in front of my eyes.

 

I have long black hair that I rarely cut since I'm terrible at cutting my hair and my parents don't usually take me to get it cut. I just recently cut it like a month ago but already it's in my eyes. I always get the choppy layered cut and it goes down to my shoulders. I have piercing green eyes and I'm asian, so I don't know how I got the green eyes.

 

I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I put my head on my knees and think about what's gonna happen in the future.

 

Maybe I shouldn't have left the gun there. Now they have perfect evidence as to who killed them.

 

I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. I whip my head up to figure out who it is. I see a boy who looks about my age.

 

"Hey, what's wrong?" I see his lips form.

 

Ugh I didn't bring my iPad. So I mouth "It's nothing."

 

"Can't you talk?" he asks.

 

I motion that I want something to write with and to write on. He gets the message and takes out a pencil and small pad.

 

I quickly write and hold it up.

 

'No I can't. I'm deaf and I have no voice.'

 

"So you lip-read?"

 

I nod my head.

 

"Can you use sign language?"

 

I shake my head.

 

"Oh that sucks, cause I know it. Maybe I can teach you."

 

I write on the pad.

 

'Are you sure? Nobody likes me. I'm always alone.'

 

"Seriously!? Why?"

 

'They don't like that I can't hear them or talk. Plus I'm also gay.'

 

"Wow. I'm gay too."

 

'Really?'

 

He nods his head. "Yep.".

 

I take the time to examine him. He has medium length purple and black hair and brown eyes. I notice that he has a beautiful almost feminine face.

 

"Like what you see?"

 

I blush after I see what he said and look down at the ground. He sits down in front of me and I look back up.

 

"Don't worry, you can stare." He chuckles. "I like you. So you wanna learn sign language?"

 

I nod.

 

He smiles. "So. Want to go to mine or your house?"

 

I point at him saying his.

 

He nods and grabs my wrist to help me up.

 

"Follow me." he says and I nod. He runs ahead of me and I follow.

 

***

 

We arrive at his house about 20 minutes later. But we first went to my house so I could get my iPad. I told him to wait outside so he wouldn't see my parents laying dead in a pool of their own blood.

 

I grab the gun on the way to my room. When I get there I open the window and chuck it out the window. I don't need any evidence against me. I quickly grab my iPad and jacket and ran out the door.

 

I love my iPad, my grandma gave it to me 3 months ago which was 2 months before she died. She was the only family member that truly loved me. But then she died from cancer.

 

I run out the door after putting my jacket on. The boy smiles when I walk out.

 

I turn on my iPad and I open the notebook app.

 

'I just realized I never got your name.'

 

I hand it to him and he types on it.

 

'My names Sam Moor. Yours?'

 

'Rouasha.'

 

'That's a cool name.'

 

'Not when it literally means deaf and mute person.'

 

"Oh." he says.

 

I nod. I turn the screen off and we head to his house.

 

***

 

We arrive at his house and go in.

 

We walk to the kitchen and there's is a woman who I think is his mom. He taps on her shoulder and she signs what I assume is 'hi' and he signs 'hi' back. He then starts signing some more and I don't know what he says. They sign to each other and then they turn to me.

 

"Rouasha, this is my mom. She's deaf." he says to me.

 

I smile and nod at her.

 

"I already introduced you and told her how you don't know sign language and such."

 

I turn my iPad on and start typing.

 

'Hello Mrs. Moor. Sorry I can't sign. I was never taught.'

 

She takes it and types 'Its alright. It's understandable.' She smiles.

 

Sam signs to her again and she nods. He motions me to follow him and I follow him upstairs to what I assume is his room. We sit on his bed. He grabs my iPad.

 

'I'm wondering. Why wouldn't you let me go in your house?' he types.

 

I stare at the words. I think for a bit then types 'You would hate me if I told you.'

 

'Why?'

 

I just stare at him.

 

He just shrugs and types 'You can tell me when you're ready.'

 

I look at him again and I mouth "Thank you." and he smiles.

 

"No problem. I know how it feels when people are nosy."

 

I smile.

 

"Now about that sign language lesson."

 

He grabs my iPad and goes on the app store in search of a certain app. After a couple minutes and looks up and hands me the iPad.

 

"I taught my ex how to sign with this app."

 

I opened the notepad app.

 

'Why'd you break up?'

 

"Oh well, I walked into my room and saw him on my bed having sex with another guy."

 

'Omg what'd you do?'

 

"I totally freaked out and kicked them out of the house without giving them the chance to get dressed."

 

I suddenly burst out in a silent laugher.

 

"Wow you really don't have a voice." he says once I'm looking at him again.

 

I shrug.

 

"Haha, after that I went into a depression for about a year and even considered suicide. But then I saw you shivering against that tree. I don't know but when I saw you, all my depression went away. I was only in the forest cause I've had enough of life and just wanted to die where nobody would find me. But you changed that."

 

'You don't mind that I can't hear you or speak?'

 

"Dude my mom is deaf. What do you think?"

 

'But she still has a voice.'

 

"True, but there's something different about you."

 

I smile. Then I type 'Um, I think I should tell you why I wouldn't allow you in my house.'

 

He just nods.

 

'I didn't want you to come in, because if you did, you would've saw my parents lying dead on the floor in the living room.'

 

His eyes widen. "WHAT!? Why are they f*****g dead!?"

 

I flinch. Even though I can't hear I can still tell he was yelling with fear and anger in his voice.

 

'Don't hate me for this but, I killed them.'

 

His eyes widen even more. "WHAT THE F**K!? Why in the world would you kill them!?!?"

 

'You wouldn't understand. They hated me.'

 

"Now why would they hate you?"

 

'When I was born, I was deaf. They were upset at the news. They tried to teach me how to speak. Then they found out I had no voice. That made it even worse. I can tell they were upset and angry from their eyes and the way they looked at me. And then a year ago I told them I was gay. Then I can tell they lost any existing love they had for me. They told me we were really tight on money and rarely bought me clothes and fed me very little even though somehow, they got new expensive s**t every week. They went out to eat without me every night. I can tell they just kept me cause they didn't want to deal with the paperwork. They weren't my parents anymore, heck they weren't even my guardians. Today I just cracked. I couldn't take it anymore. So I just grabbed dads gun from his dresser and shot them.'

 

By the time I finished typing the message, tears were streaming down my face.

 

He just stares at the words. I can tell that he's rereading it over and over. Hoping it isn't true. His eyes start to glass over meaning he's about to cry. He notices and wipes them away with the back of his hand. He then cups my cheeks with his hands and wipes away the tears from my face.

 

"You do realize you committed murder right? Just hope they won't find you, ok?"

 

I nod.

 

He then leans forward and kisses me.

Reviews

[FlatLineBeauty]

I was really roped into reading this. I loved reading it. I can't wait to read the rest. It actually really hit home, because I have a friend that is deaf and mute, so it really reminded me of her.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

The story is very interesting because the writer has managed to find a way for a moment for the character to be forgiven by the readers. It is at those moments that seems the character starts to live life of acceptance and understanding. Through the reading, it is perceived the character uses gender orientation to shield herself or maybe to test reactions.

[Kuroko Chigokoro]

Thanks :) What do you mean by 'herself' though?

[SquinklaPsyOps]

"All I'm wearing is a thin t-shirt, skinny jeans with holes in the knees"
"I always get the choppy layered cut and it goes down to my shoulders."

I thought the character was a girl.

[Kuroko Chigokoro]

Haha no...the character is a guy. It did say that he was gay...

[SquinklaPsyOps]

I thought it was a girl that was saying she was gay out of rebellion and then she had kissed a gay guy at those moments.

[Kuroko Chigokoro]

It also did say 'I would rather die than be with a girl'...

[SquinklaPsyOps]

It was perceived as her not being lesbian, and just saying it to complicate more of her life, as when killing her parents.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

If she is not a girl, then the writing sends the message that gay boys are evil.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Many gays join the military so the government can feed them and then they are sent to hell to be killed in the battle field as pay back for the free wic milk they drank when they were little.

[Kuroko Chigokoro]

How does it say that gay boys are evil?

[SquinklaPsyOps]

The demographic area where I live, the gays that make it alive out of the military go join and infiltrate the department of homeland security, the federal bureau of investigation, the national guard, national defense, the secret police that is why the black commander in chief decided to make gay marriages in california legal to keep track and a record of them of how much of the civilian population they toxic after they get out of the military.

[Kuroko Chigokoro]

Ummm...what?

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Dont get me wrong, through this writing now I am able to understand why they would give the death penalty to a mentally retarded. When the character in the novel gets caught, for sure they are going to send to electric chair, if she was a girl then It would probably be different and not televised as mute deaf on death row.

[Kuroko Chigokoro]

You pretty much pointed out how wrong society is these days. How with girls they would be like, oh it wasn't her fault, she's innocent. But with a guy it's the opposite. If the main character was a girl in my story the ending will still most likely be the same cause I hate the fact that men and women are treated differently like that.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Yeah, it was really wrong what they did to the Salem girls, it was a tragedy the psychic world will never forget, because if a case goes to court and the defense claims an evil voice made her or him do it is not valid.