Chapter 8

I run the rest of the way home and immediately into my room under the covers of my bed.

 

Is this what it’s like to feel something, to love someone even?

 

No, it can’t be love.

 

My eyes start to tear up…I’m scared.

 

I’ve never felt love before, well I did for my mom but all emotion stopped two years ago.

 

I don’t believe in love. But what is this feeling? Is it lust or love?

 

The door suddenly opens and I hold my breath wondering who it is.

 

“Kurai? Are you ok?” I hear Alex say. So he followed me all the way here? “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I had no right to do that to you.” I feel the bed dip when he sits down. “Come on Kurai. Can we talk?”

 

Without a word I sit up and slam my lips against his. I need to figure this out.

 

He stays still with shock for a few seconds but then his lips start to move with mine.

 

I straddle his waist and grind against his lower area with mine.

 

I can feel myself get hard. He moans at the contact but he suddenly stops and pushes me down.

 

“What’s wrong with you Kurai?” He suddenly says.

 

“What?”

 

“How come you all of the sudden want to do this with me? Just yesterday you wanted nothing to do with me.”

 

“I’m tired of being depressed Alex.”

 

“So you think sex is the answer?”

 

I stay silent.

 

“It isn’t Kurai!” He yells. “Love is the answer, not sex.” His eyes tear up. “I was doing all I could to help you then turn around and ask for sex? Were you just using me? I liked you Kurai. I was hoping we could have a relationship but then you want sex just to feel something. I’m sorry Kurai. Yes we could have eventually had sex but that would be after we both truly love each other. We would be making love not just doing it for pleasure.” The tears go down his face and he wipes them away. “Come find me when you change your mind. I’m not going to help you if you’re just gonna use me for sex.” He walks to the door and opens it. “Bye.” Was his final word before he left the house.

 

What have I done? Haven’t you ever had one of those times where you wish you could rewind time and do it all over again? This is one of those times.

 

I knew that sex was a bad idea but I just went ahead and tried. He’s right. I was just using him.

 

I get up and close bedroom door then I go into the bathroom and close that door too.

 

I take the razor out of my sock and just immediately cut my wrist and I watch the blood flow down my arm to the ground. I wince as I cut again, then again, and again. I keep going till I have 5 deep cuts on both arms. After a couple minutes I feel woozy so I sit down in the corner. Is this enough to kill me?

 

My vision start to get blurry but I hear my mom calling for me then the bathroom door opens. I see the fear in her face as she gets out her phone. But before I see anything else I black out.

Reviews

[soliloquy]

I could tell this might happen....the ending i mean....

I am really happy with what Alex said he wanted...its good for the depth of the story to add that Alex wants more from the relationship....

Good.

[Kuroko Chigokoro]

Yay lol.

[soliloquy]

I will keep reading since im addicted....

:0)