Feeling The Wind

A girl who is a real mess doesn't know what to do next in her life. And when she actually does something, things go downhill from there. And things go a whole lot messier. But chasing dreams can’t be

What now?

 

I asked to myself as I rocked back and forth on the couch in the living room. I stared blankly at the screen of the television in front of me.

 

I glanced to my phone which was blinking yellow and red. I picked it up and unlocked the screen to see the notification corner blasted with over a thousand messages from my friends.

 

A certain friend who blocked me contributed in spamming the class’ group chat.

 

I blinked unexcitedly and decided to not read the messages.

I wasn’t sure of myself, to be honest.

 

I wasn’t sure of anything, though.

 

Grabbing the mug of hot chocolate drink, I slowly sipped it as I glanced at the clock. It was still so early. Sighing, I sipped my drink while eyeing the hands of the clock moving.

 

I was… bored, I guess? Still, wasn’t too sure and I cared less.

Cared less? Since when did I start saying that? Maybe this whole ignorance started ever since he decided to ignore me?

 

Kept on chasing him, demanding for a smile but he just would never come back.

 

It was all my fault anyway.

 

I was too much of a mess and I was beyond repair.

I refused his help and was the one who left him first �" all that because I was worried that I was burdening him.

 

In the end, I decided I was being cruel.

In the end of our friendship, I decided that I was a fool.

 

 

He left anyway. He didn’t even turn back to smile. It hurt a lot, but I think I deserved it.

 

I don’t like myself anyway. Everything I do is a mistake.

 

That aside, nothing seemed to interest me anymore ever since. During the free time I had after the public exams, I realized that I had a lot of dreams that I used to want to fulfil a lot.

 

I wanted to see the world, travel all around, meet more people, make others smile, try out new things, singing for people �" and skating.

 

Skating as in ice skating.

 

I really love ice skating. I have only tried it once and I instantly felt something tugged in my heart.

My ankle sored badly after that first time experience, but I felt a thirst I have never felt before.

 

I needed to skate again.

 

But that was a few years ago.

 

I looked at my phone. It was buzzing really hard. Placing the mug back onto the table, I leaned to the side of the couch and took my phone.

 

After unlocking the screen, I noticed that that certain friend had been spamming the class’ group chat again with the other crazy guys.

Reading from the top, I tried to keep my calm as I read the happy texts he sent to the chat.

 

Scrolling down the chat, I noticed that someone resent something that I had sent long time ago.

And this time, everyone reacted to it.

 

Jealousy? Yea, well it’s normal to feel that way. But the sudden pang of loneliness finally hit me.

I was alone.

 

Alone in this unknown future, not knowing what is to unfold in front of me, and no one to tell to my problems anymore for the fear of losing them again.

 

Locking the phone, I tossed it onto the couch and took a deep breath.

Finishing the drink I had, I got up and headed to the kitchen. My parents were having a deep conversation while drinking tea as they gaze at the rainy day.

Seeing them like that gave an unknown feeling of relief in my heart.

 

“Arin?” my father called to me, inviting me to sit down with them. I stared at him with a deadpanned expression.

 

They have a lot of experiences in dealing with life.

Very independent, very reliable and they also have a lot of friends!

Look at them now, happy with the family they have and never have to worry because they have each other.

 

Such love that everyone would envy.

 

I want to be like them.

 

“Can I go out?” they looked at me curiously.

 

After a long time, I felt my face being lighten up.

I smiled and calmly uttered,

 

“I just want to travel.”

Author's Note

I am not sure why I wrote this, but I think I will pour my heart out writing this story.
I hope this was not too confusing!
Most importantly, have a nice day!