Poison the Enemy

Please review it! I need help with it :)

Yummy forensic taste bus

bursting on my swollen tongue

Rheumy pinapple heads

gestating in a pool of disapointment

stewing in my juices

lemon juice

orange juice 

I use it to make fruit salad. 

The pinapple's vulpine features

ellict my empathy

oh rivers of sadness radiated within my soul

wretched need to eliminate

my enemies.

I poisoned the fruit salad

but somehow no one died

I guess they aren't allergic 

like me

to pinapple

The pain, the agony,

feelings of ecstacy 

and its white powder

oh wait that's sugar.

What I mean to say

it that I love pinapple

like I love a song.

I am ALLERGIC to pinapple,

my face swells like a beehive 

on a hill. When I turn

into a Ghost to finish

EATING pinapple.

From, 

Eric your husband,

P.S. You didn't die Erica,

WHY!?

please don't get me with the mallet

Author's Note

Read 'A Key To My Heart' and it'll make sense :) xx

Reviews

[Shirlena]

I really like you imagination and your sense of dark humor in the face of death or a type of suicide maybe. Not that I think either is funny but it's not morbid and that makes it much more palatable to me. There is only one grammar mistake I see and since you have given us your story in the story it would be a lot more intriguing if it weren't announced toward the end, in my opinion it would make this poem perfect and I think you are already a great writer, just need a pinch of tweaking but then who doesn't? :)

[RivuletofSorrow]

Thanks so much you really got me. I tried really hard to put in my deep emotions from the deep blue sea. Aw, I'll change the end just for you :) x

[Shirlena]

You're very welcomed and you have succeeded :)

[Linda alexander]

Great imagination and real footing on real world, beautiful poem

[Ally Monique]

Wow your writing style is very unique and exquisite! I've truly never seen anything like this. How unique! This is not only a poem., but a story. It's very humorous, and brilliantly worded. I've never thought of using pineapple as a poison. I really enjoyed reading this, thanks for posting :)

[Ramiza]

This was an... improvement as compared to 'A Key To My Heart'. It was as if there was a lot more thought put into this particular poem, which I liked. The last stanza, however, felt unnecessary. And the sentence at the end, too. Happy writing, anyway :)

[Fenix Flight]

You never cease to amuze me :-D love this made me smile. :-D thank you for the request

[RivuletofSorrow]

Welcome. Thank you. Amuze wasnt the pln but hey i askd for honesty and i luv to bring a smile to ur face :) x

[joshua deathdealer]

This refreshing. lol Allergic to pineapples, I've never heard of such but it really spiced up this poem and I like the twist at the end.

[RivuletofSorrow]

Thanks so much x

[Thea]

Well, pineapples will never be the same again, hahaha. That was another creative and imaginative poem from you. I like how you used humor in pointing out the subtle and emotional idea of this piece. Definitely an entertaining and thought-provoking work. Left me wondering. Nice job. :)

[RivuletofSorrow]

Wow thanks yu say so many good smart things. Helps so mush!

[Kaitlynn A. Black]

Ha ha! I love it! Who'd have thought that pineapple would be such an evil part in someone's tale. I thought your description and tone of the poem was great. I could help but snicker and smile as the tale being told had a whimsical feeling to it.
I personally adore pineapple, that and kiwi with a bit of honey and lemon juice on it is amazing!

Thanks for sharing!
Hugs! - Kate

[RivuletofSorrow]

Thanks we should so have a pineapple forum and make it a writer's group together :) Yum! Thank you so much. :)

[ellie_irwin]

you died just to eat fruit? lol. this was also a very interesting poem :)

[RivuletofSorrow]

Yes. Thanx

[J.P. Bristow]

I don't know if the spelling mistakes were purposeful but I found them distracting .....again the first three stanzas great but the last stanza and sentence I felt unnecessary but that's a personal preference to be taken with a grain of salt.

[RivuletofSorrow]

Thank was really usful. Nah, I just have a bad teacher. Maybe you can help with my other stuf to? :)