My Pants!

Eric wore tight jeans. The morning sun shone onto his bright white snaeakers. They squeezed tightly on his crotch and he readjusted himself. There was no room in his pockets for keys. When he left his house it wasn't until he was on the train that he noticed he left his keyys at home.

'Oh no!' Eric cried out loud for all the passengers to hear. They looked at him.

An old man rubbed Eric's shoulder for an awkwardly long time. 'That's alright sonny. I forget stuff too.'

'Did you lose your keys too?'

'No. How dare you young wippersnapper!' The old man hit him with his cane, 'As if I thought you were a nice young man. I am offended.'

Eric frowned, 'I am sad. I like and respect old peeple.'

'Good.' The old man got up and hobbled away into the sunset. Star wars music played dramaticly. The old man took one last look at Eric and said, 'I am your grandfather.'

Eric gasped. 'I never knew! My mother said she was born from a cabbage. Wait...' He paused. Tears rolled down in rivulets down his eloquent cheek. 'Grandfather!' He reached out an arm and collapsed to the floor. On his knees.

Before he could reach him, his grandfather disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Eric forwned again. He leaned over to tie his shoe laces and went he looked up again, a princess appeared, flapping her large wings. Her wings were pushed up against the train's seats. Sadly, her wings crushed the other peeple on the train and they said, 'Hey watch it! Your wings are crushing my spine!'

Her face looked like a jar of bees. She said, 'I am your mother.'

Eric fainted. When he awoke, the sky was pitch black outside the train. The train halted at the last stops. Eric opened his eyes and saw rivulets of sorrow outside the window and the stars sparkled like silverware. Looked delicious too. Eric felt so hungry in his belly. He held his stomach and rubbed it a lot. 'I'm so HUNGRY!' 

He looked down at his feet. 'Oh no! Where have my toes gone?'

But Eric was born without toes. He just forgot. 

He tried walking, but fell over because he couldn't balance without toes. 'Ow.' Flat on his face, Eric kissed the floor, 'You are beautiful like diamonds in the sky.' He fantasised that the floor was his girlfriend, Janice, because he was missing his blow up doll at home. His mouth was dry and crusty from too much kissing. The floor loved him back. Magical arms appeared out of the floor and hugged him. The floor expanded and a hole emerjed. The floor began to eat him. 'Hmm tastes like toes.'

Eric screamed, 'Oh no!' Suddenly, sparks flew out of his hands and attacked the floor. The floor went 'Aarg!' And let go. The floor became inanimat again. Eric got up, 'Wow I have magic powers. Maybe cuz I was born from a cabbage fairy. Vegetables gave me SUPERPOWERS!!' Eric jumped. He was so hungry, but at least the old man, his grandfather left a stick of celery on one of the passenger seats. It had shoe gunk on it and some gum attached, but Eric ate it. 'That gum added another flavor.' He rubbed his tummy in happiness. 'I will never be hungry again!'

The train moved again and the sun rose into the sky like it went up an elevator. 'It's day time again! How long have I been away! When will I ever find my keys?' 

It wasn't until the fifth stop at the train station that Eric realised he was on the wrong train. 'Oh no!' He couldn't figure out how to get off the train. The 'open' button was meant to be pushed, but he didn't know cuz no one taught him how to push. If only he'd watched Dextor's Lab. 'If only I watched Dextor's Lab!' He raised his fists to the sky in anguish and screamed 'No!!' He caughed, 'I guess I'll be a pokemon master instead.' He licked his lips. 

Picachu apeared. 'Pichau!' 

Eric squealed like a little girl. He picked up his malete, wich he held in his hand all this time, and started playing wack a pickahu. Pichacu ran away and shocked him with all his might.

Eric laughed, 'That tickles! I love being shocked.'

Pichacu looked inquisitiv. 

'Yes being shocked is enjoyable for me. Ha.'

Pichacu grew wing and flew out of the train window and was hit by passing train. Eric heard its cries, 'Pickachu!' Grow quieter as the other train ran away. It didn't care, becuz it had a jounrey to take to neverland. 

Eric was afraid that the other train would come back and squish him, but he was more scared of going to neverland. He sweated from his armpits. He sniffed them. 'Ew. I need a shower. Oh well.' 

His grandfather appeared. 'Get off my lawn!'

Eric woke up. 'It was only just a dream.' He was lying on his grandfather's lawn. He wanted to water it, but didn't have a hose. 

Then he wet himself. 'Oh no! My pants!'

Author's Note

Honest fedback plese :) x

Reviews

[Fenix Flight]

Haha now THIS is some awsome stuff right here!!! It had me laughing from the begining. Even though it is not my style of writing or reading material I LOVED how it jumped from one thing to another and kept getting stranger. Not trying to be offensive in the least but to me it has almost like an LSD drug trip to me. hahaha. Very talented Very well written!!!!!!!! 1000/100

[RivuletofSorrow]

Wow thank you I'm so glad it touched you. I don't get how its funny. I was trying to make a coment on socity.

[Fenix Flight]

It has a big comment on society I can see that. BUt you did it in a comical way. a way that isnt offensive you made it intresting.

[StarNinja]

Misspelled words:
Snaeakers, Keyys, wippersnapper, peeple, peeple again, inanimat, Dextor’s, caughed, Picachu, malete, Pickahu, inquisitiv, Pichacu, becuz.
There, got that out of my system. So, obviously drugs are the easy joke to make, but my suspicion that it was a dream all along turned out to be right. For a 114 year old, you are quite an adept tale spinner. I have a feeling that this was all parody because most of the misspelled words up there could have been saved by autocorrect. I literally had to erase and misspell like half of those words again just to get them to stick. But given the state of our youth, or this case our elders, I won’t hold my breath. Actually I won’t do that in general because it’s not good for your health. Unless you’re underwater, then it’s beneficial. Anyways, 100 out of 100, minus 50 points for spelling and another 25 demerits for crimes against grammar, and another ten for using these ‘’ for quotes, plus ten points for originality, minus a thousand for all the goddamn misspelled words, plus a thousand for effort. Bravo.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Oh nooooo! Forgetting keys! It's something we've all done, but it is literally the worst, especially when it means you're locked out of your house or your car.

The old man had me laughing. Whippersnapper... definitely a sign of age indeed, using that term!

Star Wars and Pikachu in the same writing- that's a new one.

What an interesting dream. I started getting the idea that this was either a dream or some sort of trip (as Fenix Flight suggests) with all the sudden shifts and the wild direction the train ride took. I mean, I went to school in NYC so I've seen some crazy things, but this would definitely indicate suspension of reality

There are quite a few issues with spelling but nothing a quick read-through or running spellcheck a second time can't fix.

[Ramiza]

Oh. My. God. This is just... it's just too funny XD

[Avinash]

What a ride..loved the visual imagery and twists all across.

[||||]

I found this funny you are a good writer

[RivuletofSorrow]

Thanks a lot

[||||]

You are Welcome

[Matching Socks]

This had some very funny bits to it.
I'm a huge Star Wars fan so you had me from that moment.

[RivuletofSorrow]

Thanks so much seeing as that's so early in the story :) x

[Persona]

Is this an attempt at humour? If so, well done. I like Eric's clumsy forgetful nature.

Who is the grandfather, why is he there? Cabbage fairy? I'm confused. How old are you? What's the story really about?

[RivuletofSorrow]

Why did you spell humor funny? Now I'm confused. Thanks. Why not? We can be friends :) It's ok, I know you're jealous of my talent. You'll learn grasshopper. (or preying mantis) ;) Duh, it's Eric's grandfather duh! He has to be there! The story's about Eric learning to battle with his demons. I'm 114 :D