Always Will Be

The beginning, the first chapter in the novel of Zach Hansen's life. Just another day at the bottom of the social pyramid. Warning: Angst and Language

Hate.  The only word I can think of, except maybe a little more emphasis. F*****g hate. Much better. And that’s exactly how I feel. About what? Everything, I f*****g hate everything, my peers, my teachers, this stupid school, and my stupid parents.   My brother is the only person who I don’t hate; Chas was my one true friend. I don’t know how, but somehow he understood. Maybe he was just that good at putting himself in other people’s shoes.  He was the only person I was able to come out to, yet that is. Everyone else just had their speculations. 

 

So here I sat, alone, in the cold dampness of a rainy autumn day. I had hoped that a new school year might mean progress and maybe, just maybe a new beginning. I didn’t have high hopes, just a little glimpse. That hope was shattered when this year picked up just where the last had left off., starting another chapter in the novel of my life. The thing was, that the book wasn’t getting any better.

 

“Hey! Zacharina!”

I tried to run, I tried to block out their cries, their taunting, and the pain..

“Hey! F*g! I’m talking to you!”

I looked up out of fear…

“DON’T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME!”

He acts like just a simple look might make him “catch the gay” like it was the black plague. I knew what was coming. A punch in the eye, hands grabbing my hair, pulling, hands lifting me, all the hands together, throwing me. Smack. The smell, that foul, disgusting, yet so familiar smell of the reminiscence of today’s lunch filled my nose like a toxin. Hours, it seemed, I was sitting there, helpless. I hated it, that feeling, like I was useless.

 

“Zach!” a familiar voice called. I was too tired to care

“Zach!” it called again. A familiar face, much similar to my own, appeared from the outside of the dumpster. “Chas,” I whispered, relieved to see my big brother’s face. Not only was he my brother, he was my savior. There was a myriad of times he had pulled my out of that very dumpster, numerous times he had given me his sweatshirt so some of the stench could be left behind. The smell could be easily left, but the pain, the humiliation, and the nightmare of it all would be there forever.

 

The same thing, with only slightly varying words, and varying voices, and varying nicknames, was written in every chapter. And Chas, well he always got to play the part of the hero. He was my superman, and in my eyes he always will be.

 

­­­­­

 

 

My parents are another story.  It’s not like they’re homophobes, they aren’t that bad. Lets just say my dad’s the type of guy who always makes sure to be home to watch the football games, and makes it a point to venture into Heinz Field Stadium at least once a year. He’s a man’s man, he works in construction. Until he was in his mid-twenties he worked at a car garage.  He loves being able to do all those things with his boys, and well I play along; although football can be fun, especially when the other team has some cute players; I would hate to be a disappointment.

 

Maybe I’m over reacting, or maybe I can’t tell them because I’m not really sure if I want anyone to know. I get tormented enough as it is, imagine if word got out that all the rumors were true, or at least most of them.  I’m petrified, that one day; I’ll get thrown in a dumpster, only this time Chas won’t be there to pull me out. Nobody will be there to pull me out, because nobody really cares. I’ll be there, alone, forever, until I’m long gone. Then the police find the body of a gay kid in the dumpster behind William S. Pearson High School. They’ll track down the offenders, all right, but their parents will hire these really tough lawyers. The prosecution will lose, they’ll be set free, and I will be completely forgotten.  

Reviews

[Wandering Violet]

A powerful and compelling beginning to what promises to be a great book. Far too many young people face this type of discrimination every day. Well written so far.