Restrained

My mind was like a fortress

Every archer in its place

A wall that blocked out every pain

Lured it far away

 

An iron-cold mask was soon protecting

Shutting out the world

All emotions locked in tight

Not a tear betrayed

 

As the bricks grew thicker

All friends and foes were lost

Not a word of thought misplaced

Nor any love was known

 

Then a joking face appeared

From the dark it came

And though that perfect mask remained

These eyes revealed this soul

 

You reached and drew me close

But stll I pulled away

And even though I longed for you

I dared not let you know

 

Every time you touched me

Every joke you made

All were neatly stored away

For later use I say

 

All dreams I had included you

As did all thoughts too

And even though we were friends

I knew you felt it too

 

Anytime you were close

My wall of ice would thaw

Your knock I wished to answer

But still I feared the door

 

You later made excuses

Yet told about your life

And even though I listened

My wall came back up tight

 

I'm sure confusion showed

When our smiles no longer held

A love I once had cherished

Had bent the rusted chains

 

When I needed you most

Your friendship wasn't there

And now I truly long to mend

The old forgotten scars

You alone hold the key

Use it if you wish

Even though I swore no love

You can set me free

Reviews

[Windsong]

I agree with Mastermind, this is definately a better work. I can't believe how much talent you have sis. However, this line didn't flow quite right:
"When I needed you most "
How about this instead:
"When need was most"
I don't know, but that flows a little better. There's still something about that paragraph that is a little strained. You'll fix it! Love it though!
Love from the every disappearing,
Windsong

[TL Boehm]

strong imagery and emotion in this piece - definitive of the shackles we place on one another in the name of relationship....of love.

[Spoken]

love can be painful so we gaurd ourselves but if you build walls to keep pain out it can be used to keep the good things out as well. I like the metaphor of you and the fortress. good imagery very heartfelt

[R J Askew]

Oddly I like the description of the keep in the first three verses best. Sometimes emotions, the giving and taking of, are inconvenient. To be utterly self contained has an appeal about it. But no castle is invincible and emotions will always creep in or out of us. Unless we are totally without them, in which case we do not need the luxury of a tall tower. We are supposed to be in an age where emotions are all, but I dispute that. Emotions are not all.

[Jules]

I like the comparrison between your mind and the fortress. It's not two things that you would normally compare together, and I liked that. It was a really good poem =] Thanks for submitting this into the Teen Authors contest!

[Bear]

the tension... I know the feeling well of what you speak. The one's that know our souls so well, are the one's I wish would take the time, make the effort to break down the fortress I've spent a lifetime erecting. It wouldn't take an army to make the walls tumble down even one so called "brush stroke", "hammer tap" would initiate the demise of my fortress, I'm sure of that. One soul, one tap and I'd have to chance to beging again with a new attitude.

Hum? See what your words got me to thinkin' about? ;~)
Sallie Bear

[Nely Amorim]

I think you have certainly written about a subject matter that many people have encountered. myself included, trust is a hard thing to give and far too easy to lose. I know all about your walls. Have them myself... great write, it really resonated with me. Thanks for entering the contest :)

[Pema Dorje]

Confliction and trust issues made very clear in this Poem ... the dance of pain yet again and again overcoming the past for friendship alas ... well writ with your veritable style and wit in it ...

[Bubo]

you sound like me, we struggle to keep people out, its safer, but every so often someone comes along and we feel that reserve slipping, and it all becomes so much more.........treasured friendships......and then as we lose it, we realise we had not kept them out at all.
Wonderful emotional piece, with great flow and wisdom.

[Jenni]

I really like this poem. I just wonder where the inspiration came from.

[Clayton A Mccaulley]

wow i realley love how much passion you pour into your work