Assault Similes

I’m sure that no one’s told you,

but you really ought to know ~

you’re as warm and as appealing

as the yellowest of snow;

your ignorance surpasses

cell phones ringing at a wake;

your conversation hearkens back

to Eve’s chat with the snake;

whenever someone asks

if you possess rapier wit,

I say that you’re as sharp

as a banana in a split;

your traits are as attractive

as old Granny Gert undressed;

a comb for Mr. Clean would best describe your usefulness ;

your personality is like

a worn out hockey puck;

it’s time for you to know the truth ~

you grade A, top notch schmuck.

Author's Note

Still thinking...

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

"your personality is like

a worn out hockey puck;

it’s time for you to know the truth ~

you grade A, top notch schmuck."

[Rita L. Sev]

;) I know, not very kind words, but some people bring this out...

[Sami Khalil]

Yep . You are right....:))))

[1]

Amusing and intelligent................. Grade A, top notch just like the described schmuck! Enjoyed every line, could have picked several, but "a comb for Mr. Clean would best describe your usefulness", and "you’re as warm and as appealing as the yellowest of snow", had me just about choking!! Wow!

[Rita L. Sev]

:) I hate to admit how much fun it was to come up with these... but come on, we've all met this guy, right? Lol. Thanks for reading - glad you enjoyed!

[1]

Hahaha!! Yes...........

[Mélania Woolf]

Bang!
This is hilarious! what a fun read. Love it!

[Rita L. Sev]

:) Thanks so much, Melania! I must have been annoyed at someone when I wrote this... ;)

[Mélania Woolf]

Artistically speaking, I am so glad you did lol

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

OMG I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard… you were ruthless and funny at the same time. Awesomesauce

[Rita L. Sev]

:) Love that reaction! Thanks, Dale!

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

You are most welcome Rita.

[RJ]

Remind me not to get on your bad side lady. A little bit of rain, some Radiohead and a verbal beating from a poem like that and anybody would be a suicide risk.

[Rita L. Sev]

Oh, dear! Well, I don't want to be THAT harsh... but some people can bring out the sharp words! Thanks for the read and review, Ryan!

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

Assault is an understatement! Lol that almost hurt my feelings! Haha glad I didn't miss this one... GREAT write, Rita. "As sharp as a banana in a split," genius!

[Rita L. Sev]

Travis, I would never aim such similes in your direction! :) Glad you enjoyed!

[Ladysue]

OMG this is another brilliant write!!!!

You drew the reader in right from the beginning.

it’s time for you to know the truth ~
you grade A, top notch schmuck

your work is so unique and so much fun to read..

[Rita L. Sev]

This was a challenge from Frieda, who had used the words "assault similes" in one of her writes. It was fun to write, too! Thanks, Sue!

[Eric Pudalov]

I f*****g LOVE this poem! There are so many people I've wanted to say this to, and have not always had the words. Definitely enjoyed the line, "You're as warm and as appealing as the yellowest of snow." Made me think of Frank Zappa! I'm rather inspired to write my own ASSHAT poem now...

[Rita L. Sev]

Oh, do it Eric - it is quite cathartic! Glad you enjoyed this snarky side - thanks!

[Eric Pudalov]

I definitely will, then!

[Debbie_Philly]

OMG Rita..... I Love this...lol This line...I’m sure that no one’s told you,
but you really ought to know ~
you’re as warm and as appealing
as the yellowest of snow;

That drew me in and Killed me...lol Really really great !!!

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Debbie - glad this gave a grin! As for that line - I just looked around my block for inspration - there's plenty of snow (yellow and otherwise) around!

[Debbie_Philly]

LOL yes thats for sure ;)