Freshwater Tears

Summer, 2013

Ancient waters flow

in sepia streams

beckoning under a deceptive sky

ravenous after having her fill

she seizes

swallows whole

the drifting deadwood 

adding freshwater tears 

to the flood

Author's Note

Searchers are looking for a teenage boy in Pennypack creek; this is the fourth such incident this summer.

Reviews

[shallimarRose]

Beautiful poetry... Your authors note is all too common here as well.. Thank you .. Rose

[Rita L. Sev]

Young people just do not believe the danger applies to them... Thank you, Rose.

[Michael G. Smith]

A very frightening poem. The power here told of flood's is captivating. I had a nephew drown in a farm irrigation ditch.

[Rita L. Sev]

That is so tragic; I am so sorry. The creeks around here flooded a lot this summer, and some just did not heed the warnings...

[Michael G. Smith]

I related to the tragedies in Colorado. I take it school day is over?

[Michael G. Smith]

ignore this comment long day that isn't over yet.

[Rita L. Sev]

Yes, home now doing some reading here and marking papers at the same time... :)

[Michael G. Smith]

Sounds my wife working planning lessons, entering grades until she goes to bed

[rutherford]

Rita,
How wonderfully descriptive of the overwhelming and deadly power of nature. (Serendipity--read this back to back with another author's poem a minute ago about river's and sadness-- MG's)


Question for me to learn from--do you use a "modern" approach to punctuation when it comes to free verse?

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, John; I had just read MG's piece, which reminded me of this one I posted last month.

About punctuation - in most of my work I am a stickler with it. However, in free verse, I try to let go a bit and use form and punctuation as it fits the mood. Don't know if this method "works" or not, but that's my approach.

[annie lee]

A lovely, haunting poem. And then I read your Author's Note and I understand why. When children are lost this way, it seems senseless. Take care.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Annie - yes, so senseless... We were taught to respect the old creek, but so many kids tempt fate...

[SteveB]

Well penned as always. Wonderful alliteration and evocative images. The first stanza had me in a trout stream but your second had a sense of dread and loss. I had not yet read your note at that point.
Given the note I have a question. And please forgive me for not knowing the story and I will pray for the boy and his family, but why "deadwood"? The aliteration would still be there with "dead" and the "freshwater tears" would be emphasized. Just my two cents.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Steve. The creek is indeed filled with debris and deadwood; the bodies of the boys who fall in become just another piece of that, as far as the creek is concerned. This was my thinking - and I wanted to keep a more cryptic feel.

[icelandicblue]

Oh this is so very tragic. There are no amount of tears that can be shed for the loss of a child.

[Rita L. Sev]

So true. Hoping this will be the last of these losses...

[Souladareatease]

Such sadness Rita- horrors touch us everywhere and innocence pays the bill--Beautiful Pen to this sadness!!!

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Soul - yes, innocence pays the bill indeed...

[Cassie]

I don't know how to review this one, will just say I enjoyed reading it and you have a way of getting the attention of all your readers and as usual you always get me. Thank you for sharing

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you so much, Cassie.

[Aethereal]

This poem presents a strong image of a deceptive stream. Good flow and cadence. Baited by Summer heat and cool water, youth enter this tragic trap before it's sprung. Nature must be respected for her tooth and claw as well as her beauty.

[Rita L. Sev]

Exactly. You got to the heart of this one. Thanks, Aethereal.

[Tom]

The allure and beauty in unison with the foreboding danger of a monsoon filled river !

You contrast the two extremes deliciously !

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Tom. There really is a draw to the water, especially for the young...