Rubylocks and the Four Bovines

A very twisted tale

Once upon a time, it's said,

despite 'No Trespass' signs,

a little girl named Rubylocks

met up with four bovines.

Rubylocks entered the great big barn,

perhaps just passing through,

and as she looked around, she thought,

"I wouldn't mind a chew."

Finding only bales of hay,

four, to be precise,

she tasted each to see which one

had the perfect spice.

"These bales of hay are bland to me,"

she said, "They're just no fun."

Still, being very hungry,

She ate up the smallest one.

"And now to quench my thirst," she said,

eyeing up a pail.

"I'll have to find the bovines

who were meant to eat these bales."

Suddenly she heard behind

a lowing and a mooing.

Rubylocks looked, and at the door

Four cows called, "What are you dooing?"

"Great! Just in time!" the ginger thought

as she grabbed the pail of tin,

and in a mock-friend tone she said,

"Hey! Where have you been?"

Now bovines are not stupid,

and they gave the rude girl shudders

when one cow said quite plainly,

"Keep your cold hands off our udders!"

The bovines then, they cornered her

behind those big barn doors;

they kept her there, and let her out

only for farm chores.

They fed her only cottage cheese

made for a big conglomerate,

and this was punishment for all of them,

for Ruby was lactose intolerant. 

;p 

Author's Note

Still tweaking this silly piece.

Reviews

[Angi]

Ha! Serves her right! I do love a cold glass of milk, though. This made me laugh! Angi~

[Rita L. Sev]

This started as a story to practice context clues in my classroom - and turned into this very silly poem. I'm glad it brought a laugh - thanks, Angi!

[quinfinn]

wowsers, cowsers! this sounds like some twisted dream...and poor little COWS to be subjected to rubylocks' torment. good on em for their revenge....now, i have to say i was totally mooooooooooooooooved by this piece. time to go get a glass of milk!

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Quin! Though I must say, your pun was udderly ridiculous... :P

[quinfinn]

alright, let's not milk it....you're welcome!

[Jack...]

Ok, now that was funny.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Jack! Glad to spread the cheer! :)

[John Lauterbach]

I love fractured fairy tales; the parallel to Goldilocks brought me here.
The lines with the hay spice and 'dooing' cracked me up. Very engaging with a wonderful little finesse about it. The whole piece appeals to the senses without taking you out of its pace.
The 8th stanza doesn't feel as strong as the others - I think because of the plural on 'udders' vs. the singular 'shudder.' (and gave the rude girl shudders?)
On a personal note; I'm having a bad day, but this pulled me up with its charm. Good work.

[Rita L. Sev]

I'm so glad you enjoyed this piece of silliness, and that it gave you a lift. :) I like your suggestion regarding "shudders" - I am pretty fussy about a strict rhyme scheme, and your suggestion is such a simple fix - thanks!

[Robert James Parfett]

Poor Ruby! Very witty and funny piece.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you! :)

[Harrisen Viator]

I love it. Don't change it at all. I was constantly laughing throughout, very funny!

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Harrisen! Glad to give a chuckle! :)