Ryan

Ryan             Twenty-two

          Like every morning for the past six mornings, everyone in the room including myself woke up on the cold concrete floor of the room. Just like every morning, the green light of the video camera was blinking every few seconds, making it know that we were being watched by whom ever was fucked up enough to do this. Five people have died. Died is putting it mildly, they were killed because they were told to kill their opponent- their friend- or die by their opponent’s hand.

          I opened my tired eyes, feeling the effects of this last week wearing on me. I glanced down at my knuckles and thought of Liam. I thought of pounding his face in the night this all happened. I thought of him hurting my sister. Ashley. I gulped and looked down at the red eight branded on the inside of my wrist. Ashley is and eight too. Her’s is blue. Every pair that has been going out to play the game has been a pair of the same numbers. I look over at Ashley, she’s staring off at a spot of red on the floor. It looks to be a spot of blood from the rust red color of it.

          Everyday I’ve been holding my breath when the intercom comes on, hoping that they won’t call Ashley and me to come out and play. It’s selfish, I know, to want other people to have to go out there and die- let alone our friends- but I don’t want to have to look at my sister as I put the barrel of that gun against my head and-

          I can’t even finish the thought, it sickens me so much. I rub my eyes and lick my lips, the frigid air that’s coming in from the broken window has dried them both out. I stretch my legs out, hearing my knees pop after being folded to my chest all night. If I had any other opponent, I’d have a chance at winning. In fact I probably would win. I’m the biggest guy here. I could tackle them, I’ve had a lot of practice from football and wrestling. I know how to get a guy down and keep them down.

          Speaking of winning, what if we were to both shoot ourselves? Or not at all? What if we refused to leave the room? They would come down here in those black jumpsuits and beat the s**t out of one or both of us until we gave in. They might even kill one of us and call it a day.

          I shake my head, the thought of those men coming down and beating my sister, or even me for that matter, flipping my stomach once again. I haven’t eaten since yesterday, but how must Brook feel? She hasn’t eaten since the day before she had to play the game when Maddy and Cam were out of the room. That and she’s blind now. I’m not sure if it’s temporary or not, but the chemical in her clothes smelled familiar, I just can’t quite put a name on it.

          My throat is dry, I wish I had a bottle of water or just water in general. I snort a little at that. It seems like such a stupid wish. No, what I really wish is that we weren’t here being pawns in their wicked chess games.

          Everyone is awake now, quiet and waiting for the intercom to come on, announcing who will be playing today. Again, the image of me putting the barrel to my temple, Ashley screaming for me to stop, appears in my head. I shiver, swearing I could feel the cold, cylindrical barrel against my temple for a second. Another image flashes into my head. It’s me again, only with slightly greyish skin and milky blueish-yellow eyes. I knew that’s what I’d become if I went through with my plan to sacrifice myself so my sister would have a shot at getting out of here and seeing our parents again. I knew that it would kill her if I did this. But it’s better I become this monster instead of her.

          I try to swallow the little bit of saliva that has pooled in my mouth to soothe my dry throat, but I almost choke on it. Tears have welled up in my eyes but I refuse to let them spill. I can’t let Ash see me like this. Especially since she’s staring at me now.

          “Ry?” She’s looking at me with a concerned look on her face. My face must have been giving away what I was thinking. I look up at her and crack the best smile I can bring. “Are you okay?” She presses further, her dark blonde eyebrows drawing together on her forehead as she grows even more concerned.

          “Yeah?” I cringe as my voice cracks, revealing my thoughts even more. She shakes her head, almost reading my thoughts. She’s not even my twin, but she can read me as if she was. She gives me that look that says ‘Don’t even think about lying to me,’ and waits expectantly.

          “What were you thinking about?” She looked at me, daring me to lie to her. I just shake me head and scrub my face with my hands.

          “Nothing you need to worry about.” I look away but not before I see her narrow her eyes at me. I hope she doesn’t pester me about it. She’s about to say something when the intercom goes off, same time as every morning.

          “What a lovely morning it is today, Players. Guess what time it is... No? It’s time you get a watch. No, it’s recess time. Let’s see... Who shall we play with today?”

       For the sixth time, I catch myself holding my breath. For the sixth time, I’m begging what ever higher power there is that my sister and I don’t have to play today. For the sixth time, I’m wishing I were out of this room and killing who ever put my sister in this sick and twisted kind of danger. I squeeze my eyes closed, as well as my fists. Please, please, please don’t say eight.

          “Congratulations, number eight, you’re our next contestant!”

          “F**k!” I slam my fist down on the ground, barely registering the sharp pain that shoots up through my wrist. The intercom buzzes and goes off and my attention snaps to Ash. She’s having a panic attack by the looks of how she’s clutching her chest and struggling for breath. I force myself to get up and walk over to her.

          “Shh, shh. It’s going to be okay Ash, it’ll be fine. You’re gonna be fine.” I try to look as calm as I can as I crouch next to her and rub her arm, trying to comfort her. She looks at me and grab a hold of my arm.

          “Don’t do this, Ryan. Please don’t make me do this. I can’t do this.” She shakes her head and lets out a choked sob and the tears start spilling down her cheeks. Her pained expression and the fear in her shaky voice makes my heart constrict. I don’t want to make her do this. If I had a choice, I would never force her to do anything that she doesn’t want to do.

          I frown and help her to her feet, she cries even harder when she knows I don’t have a choice. I can’t let them beat either of us to death if we refuse to go out there, but I can’t stay in the small safety of this room. Given it’s cold and dull, but it’s safe. Safer than those halls.

          Ashley cries into my shoulder, her sobs racking her body. Soon she starts to cough, her panic attack going full fledged now. I slowly start to walk to the heavy, metal door, Ashley being pulled right along with me. She doesn’t protest but I can hear her muttering “No,”

          I hear the door unlock, as it does every time the players approach it to play their round. Ashley tugs on my arm but I can’t look at her. I know her expression would make me feel like s**t.

          “Ryan...” She says quietly, almost whispering. I called everyone who cried before playing a little b***h, but not Ash. I couldn’t. For once I understand how terrifying it must be to know that you could die within the next hour or so. “Ryan... please, don’t make me go out there.”

          “Ash, don’t fight it. They’ll beat us to death if we don’t go out there.” And if we do go out there, I’m going to have to sacrifice myself in front of you, for you. There is no winning in this. It’s a loose-loose for everyone. Except for the people running this hellhole. I tug back on Ashley’s arm, her cries being known again. With a push, the door opens and I tug Ashley into the hall right behind me.

          The door closes with out me even touching it. Makes me wonder if I ever even had to push it open. I look at Ashley’s hand, now being grasped in mine, and release it before turning to her and grabbing her shoulders.

          “Listen to me,” I look at her, but she stares at the ground, crying. “Look at me, Ash.” She shakes her head again and I use one of my hands to lift her chin to look at me. She refuses to lift her eyes to mine, but after a minute of me saying ‘Look at me,” she finally lifts her fear-struck gaze to mine.

          “When I tell you to run down that hallway behind you, do it. Not questions asked. Follow the way that you remember and keep running. Run to the room. You know the room, right? You remember it from the game?” She nods softly, sniffling a little.

          “Yeah... I remember.” Ashley says those words with so much anguish. I feel my heart constrict again.

          “Good. Don’t even think about taking that gun out of that lock box.”

          “Why?” She looked at me, confused now.

          “Just don’t!” I flinched at my own voice, especially after Ashley flinched from the intensity of it. I sighed and shook my head. “Just don’t touch the box, got it?” She nodded and I kissed her forehead. Most likely for the last time. I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment, allowing a single tear to drop down my face and into her hair. I felt one of her hands grip my arm tightly and another on my shirt.

          I knew this was goodbye. She most likely knew that this was goodbye for at least one of us. I felt my lungs shudder, my mind screaming for the relief of crying. But I refuse to acknowledge that need for relief.

          I pulls away from Ashley, looking at her as I grab her shoulders. I take a deep breath and make her look at me again. Her blue eyes shine bright with tears. I have to force myself to let go of her shoulders and take a step back from her.

          “Run.” The word echos through the hall way but she doesn’t respond. She looks at me, the same look she would give me when I was ten and she was seven, the look saying ‘Do I really have to do that Ryan?’ I squeezed my eyes closed tightly again.

          Run, Ash! Run, and don’t you f*****g dare look back!” I have to scream it at her harshly before she blinks and takes off down the hall. My lungs don’t want to take in any oxygen but I force them to do so. My lungs feel as if they’re coated in tar, making them unable to expand. 

          I turn around and start down the hallway. In the game, we would do the same. Only the opponents weren’t friends. They were born to battle each other, looking forward to it their whole lives. The game was always won easily and people tired of it quickly because of one thing. The maze was the same in every round. The game was popular because it was the first of it’s kind. You got to create your own virus and start your own apocalypse. The Infected would be released into the world after so many players won. And thus the Apocalypse would begin.

          I take a right after I get to the end of the hallway, just like in the game, but when I look up the maze if changed. Not as in the walls are a different color, or they got fresh carpet. No, the walls have moved and the maze has been rearranged. I’m not sure how. But I know why.

          They got bored. They got tired of seeing kids walk right on through the maze because they knew it like the back of their hand. I don’t know where to even begin so I just stop dead in my tracks.

          “What are you doing? Don’t stop you dumbass!” I look around before realizing that the voice came from inside my ear. The damn b******s implanted mics in our ears.

          “I don’t know where to go.” I look around before deciding to take a right and then another right. I kind of remember this story I read about a lady who got through a maze by keeping her hand on the right side of the wall. Or was it the left? I place my hand against the right wall, if it doesn’t wort then I’ll try the left. It just gives Ashley more time to not witness me die.

          My throat closes at the thought, once again I can swear that I feel the barrel of the handgun against my temple. I have to do this. For Ash. I have to remind myself to do it for her. It’s all for her.

          “Just keep walking, crybaby.”

I follow the right side of the wall,  my hand never leaving it, for about twenty minutes before I see the familiar door to the circular Holding Room. I sigh and my eyes close slowly. My remaining time is getting into the single digits.

          “I-is she waiting in there for me?” I open my eyes and push open the door, walking to the door of the room where I will soon save my sister.

          “She is.”

          I expected it, but I still let out a quiet, pained cry. This is it. I push open the door and see Ash staring at the black lock box on the silver metal cart in front of her. She’s crying. She knows what you’re going to do and she knows there’s nothing she can do to stop you. You’re causing her pain.

          I grimace at the voice in my head. My conscious. This isn’t my captain. This is me.

          Shakily, I walk up to my lock box and flip the little latch, watching Ashley the entire time.

          “Ryan, don’t do this.” I ignore her, reaching my hand inside until my fingertips collide with the cool, black metal on the nine millimeter hand gun. Shaking my head, I pull the gun out and c**k it. The gun suddenly feels heavy, I feel heavy, the air feels heavy. My blood even feels heavy as it flows through my veins for the last few seconds.

          “Ash. You’re going to see mom and dad again. I promise that. One of us have to die and it’s not going to be you. We’re here, on this earth, to learn something and when we learn it we leave. I’ve learned I would do anything for you, for any of our family. That’s why I have to do this. Don’t try to stop me because it won’t work. I swear it won’t work. And if we just sit here and fight about it they’re going to come down here and beat the living s**t out of us until one of us is dead. That can’t happen. It’s better this way.” I have to stop and wipe the tears from my face and swallow so my weak voice can be heard. “Ashley, I love you. Don’t you ever forget that.”

          I raise the gun to my head, the barrel pressing to my temple. It feels like it fits there perfectly even though I feel like I’m lifting a lead brick. I squeeze my eyes closed tightly for the last time, my index finger wrapping around the trigger. Goodbye...

          There’s aloud bang, a crash, and then the thud of something heavy hitting the concrete floor. It sounds like skin hitting the cold floor, but it’s not my skin. It’s not my body. I drop my gun and my eyes fly open before I run across the room to the petite blonde girl who is laying on the ground, blood staining her hair redder and redder by the second.

          “No, Ash!” I grab her face and force it to look at mine. It’s been mere seconds but her body is already cold and limp. The bullet hole in her temple oozing pints of the crimson red liquid by the second until it can ooze no more. I don’t even register the voice in my ear, screaming at me. All that matters is her. “Ash! Ash don’t leave me! ASH!”

          I pull her eyelid up only to receive no reaction. She’s gone, Ryan. “No, no, no, no, no!” I shake her, even. Trying to bring her back, my attemps frivolous. I hold her body in my lap, curled around her, until I get pulled to my feet forcefully. Ash’s body fell to the floor. Why hasn’t she turned yet?

          A man in a black jumpsuit and a black motorcycle looking helmet is pulling me away from Ash, towards the open door to the room we all woke up in six days ago. He’s taking me away from her.

          “No!” I protest his tugs as he inches me towards the waiting door. “Ash! No! Please!” I get one arm loose and reach for her hand that’s laying open in a pool of her own blood.

I imagine her hand reaching towards me before I’m struck over the head with something hard, making my world go dark.