Night's Glare

just a poem...

My dreams are invaded,

By your laughing stares,

And my cries which have all but faded,

Into the dark night's glare,

Alas my dreams are not ended,

In reality I relive my nightmares,

My heart can no longer be mended,

For there is no one who cares

To see your eyes,

My hope is destroyed,

These pointless cries,

Fill the constant void,

Of the Broken Heart you created

Author's Note

I don't think I spelled anything wrong but I don't have spell check so just in case.

Reviews

Short and sweet, you have managed to convey a simple message without turning the poem into an overly elaborate metaphor. It also means there isn't much that can be said on the poem itself, but that's fine as I'm prone to rambling. If I were to find fault, it would be the erratic rhyming and unstable rhythm, which sadly has a detrimental effect on a poem I would otherwise have liked. If you could balance the syllable count and tweak the rhyming a little it'd improve the poem greatly.

[Sheila Kline]

I like it up to the very last line..and it just doesn't seem to fit the flow.....I understand the message you are saying, and it is a good write, but the last line keeps me dangling, or it just kind of jolted me...is there another word, or phrase you could use to round it off better?....maybe, something like....a tender heart you've destroyed...would rhyme with void. Just a suggestion.
Sheila

[anneliese]

i really liked it and thought it was good. i liked the power in it.

[ArieannexAntithetic]

I agree with KC. You did do pretty well for "just a poem"...
Definately above average for a new writer =D

[Kasey Klein]

you did well