An Additional Proposition to Enforce the Fear of God into this Grand State
Dear Chairman,
I am writing to the assumed sub-committee tasked with enforcing and enacting Proposition 8. I say “assumed” because I am not entirely sure if a sub-committee has been formed, and I am far too busy, and cautious, to leave my own home. For, if I did leave, I could be kidnapped, murdered, or worse, raped, by one of those filthy heathens.
My dear chairman, you know of whom I speak. They, like cancerous cells, spread throughout the great- and completely heterosexual- body of California. Yes, my dear chairman, I speak of them. Gays, lesbians, heretics- blasphemers they are, all of them. Like a plague, they speak out about “civil rights” and the “right to love”. Despicable. Indeed, just ask my father, the poor man had a stroke when he had the Civil Rights Act passed back in the ‘60s. He hasn’t gotten on a bus since.
But I digress. It is to counteract this epidemic that I propose these plans and propositions for the state of California. I believe that our first target should be education. Particularly, kindergarten.
Proposition H, or The Proposition to Physically Educate the Young or Otherwise Easily-Swayed, will focus on teaching small children the dangers of homosexuality at a young age. It shall, effectively, prevent children of the same sex from making physical contact, or being in close proximity. How is this wonderful idea made possible? Technology, my dear chairman. Each child shall have on their necks installed a Counter-Inappropriate-Affection Collar, using magnetic fields to keep these children from displaying such dangerous behavior. Whenever this child approaches another child of the same gender, this magnificent collar would activate, creating an invisible force that will prompt the child to display affection in an appropriate way, such as vague handshakes or emotionless nods. It also promotes a safe speaking distance for the child, of about ten feet. This magnificent device will instill in our children the proper conduct of a Californian citizen: Never approach another male with the intention of physical contact. Who knows what sort of sinful things that could lead to? Not only will Proposition H install these graceful and repellant collars, but it will introduce new teaching curriculum into the classroom. Starting in the first grade, children will learn fundamental equations such as “Male + Female = Marriage” and “Male + Male = Eternal Perdition”. I made sure to enforce similar equations along the ladder of grade school, middle school, and high school, eventually adding more complex moral concepts like the long division of straight people and not-straight people. And we can’t forget the subtraction of the entire homosexual population from the equation of America. That, arguably the most important new part of the curriculum, comes in at fifth grade.
Some may argue that the church has no role in state legislation or education, but let’s look at the facts, shall we? The church has been a gracious bringer of education for hundreds of years, and it’s always brought stability. For instance, the Crusades created thousands of jobs, and at the same time, cut down a population growing at a huge rate. That’s what I call efficiency. Another example is the Salem Witch Trials. Church education properly prepared those townspeople to root out culprits for the dark deeds performed in that town. Now, some may argue that the Witch Trials killed innocent people. They might not have been the right culprits, but it certainly calmed down the town, didn’t it? Sacrifice the few for the many. That’s what democracy’s all about, isn’t it?
Proposition H also reforms a few key symbols within the school system, such as art. It has come to my attention that schools have adopted a rainbow image to help teach different colors. It was to my horror that I found out that children were being exposed to such a harmful, obviously gay symbol so early in their lives. Therefore, Proposition H will ban the rainbow from school art classes. From now on, children shall be taught the most important colors only: black, white, red, gray, and yellow. Nevertheless, Prop H will effectively shield children of all grade levels from the powerfully dangerous rainbow that those people love to use.
One more thing that Proposition H addresses is the issue of protest against its passage. It has come to my attention that there have been mass rallies and protests against the passing of the recent Holy Proposition 8. It baffles me to think that citizens of California would unite with the gays to denounce the decision of the obviously moral, and flawlessly informed, of course, masses of voters. So, therefore when Prop H passes, it shall effectively re-educate those that protest against it. Riot policeman shall be obligated to surround these pits of vermin, and ‘collect’ them for re-education and de-contamination. For, what is homosexuality but a simple disease? I am sure that a few months’ stay in our repurposed mental asylum facilities, undergoing intense bathing regiments for five hours each day, all the while watching the most educational television programs such as “Leave it to Hetero” and “I Love Lucy in a Completely Appropriate Manner Between Friends”, will definitely remind these misguided protesters the moral right thing to do.
I thank you, my dear chairman, for looking over my plan for our great state of California. I am completely confident that Proposition H will pass into legislation. For, as the voters of California valiantly declared on our last election day, those damned homosexuals are not welcome in this state.
![[send message]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/mail.png){kind=small}
![[befriend]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/friend.png){kind=small}
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Read Request
My Library
Flag Writing