Chapter 4

Chapter 4 of Moebius

Chapter 4

 

Conner watched Core sitting on the floor of the passenger room, scraping a knife through a clamp-like sharpening tool. She clenched the hand holding her tool tightly, forcing it across the blade with such a vengeance Conner worried there wouldn’t be any blade left soon.

Nevertheless, he was startled when there was a loud crack! and the blade stayed sandwiched in the tool instead of connected to the handle. Core swore loudly and tossed the broken pieces of the knife into a pile of what Conner suddenly realized were shards of a dozen or so broken knives, reached into a nearby open drawer, and withdrew another one. She looked up, noticing Conner. “What are you looking at?” she said with a scowl.

“Nothing,” Conner said. “It’s just, I’m curious. About you.”

Core placed the knife in the sharpening tool and ripped it out with all her strength. “I’ve been incapable of feeling positive emotions for over three months, except in contexts that make me want to puke. Anything else you want to know, someone else can tell you.” She held up the knife. “Now screw off before I have my friend here shank you a second butthole.”

“Okay, I’m going,” Conner said, ducking out of the room. Poor girl, he thought. Was it weird that he found her hot? He would have to see if he could do something nice for her. Maybe make her supper or something.

 

* * *

 

“So,” Veronica said, when Oliver left the bridge after a long conversation with Callum about science. “What do you think?”

“He’s fun,” Callum said, tilting his head. “Curious, and quick for a caveboy. His glasses are adorable. I’m not super enthusiastic, but if he likes guys, I’ll give him a maybe.”

“And what about Conner?”

“He’s cute, but it’s obvious he likes girls.” Callum lifted his eyebrows. “You might have a chance with him.”

Veronica chuckled and shook her head. “I don’t think so. He is cute, like you said, but . . . I dunno. I’m just not attracted I guess.”

“You never know,” Callum said, rotating side to side in his chair. “Once you get to know him, you might change your mind.”

“Hmm, maybe,” Veronica said absently, her eyes wandering to the antique space shuttle bobbing and swinging slowly on the force tether behind them. “By the way, how are we going through hyperspace and towing a ship at the same time? I thought we only had one force resonator on board.”

Callum held up and wiggled the fingers minus the thumb of his right hand. “Four. One for the hyperdrive, and the rest for air and water filtration and food synthesis.”

“Soooo . . .”

“Yep, we only get two of the three, air, water, and food, at the same time. But, if we’re smart about cycling them out, nobody will notice.”

Veronica put her hand to her mouth, giggling. “I’m just,” she said between laughs, “imagining the look on someone’s face,” she took a breath, “when they put their plate in the food dispenser,” she giggled, “and poop comes out.”

The otherwise empty bridge resounded with their hearty, uncontrollable laughter.

 

* * *

 

Mara lay halfway down her cot with the lights off, one of her legs curled up and the other propped up on the wall. The door opened, letting light in to fall across her face. She turned, expecting to see Taea or Core, with whom she shared this room. Instead, Oliver stood in the doorway, his face silhouetted.

“Whatcha doing?” he said.

Mara looked up at the light playing on the ceiling. “Pretending we’re in a cave.”

“You miss home,” Oliver said. He stood silently for a moment. “Mind if I turn the light on?”

“I’d rather you not.”

“Okay.” Oliver came closer and sat on the bed beside her, the light from the doorway illuminating half of the face she had fallen in love with. He put his hand lightly on her shoulder, tracing her collarbone. “How are you doing?”

Mara sighed. “Not my idea of a romantic vacation.”

“I’ll say,” Oliver said with a chuckle. His hand wandered to her other shoulder. “I’m sorry for getting us into this mess.”

“Tch.” Mara leaned her head back, and felt the sensation of his fingers trickling over her. “As much as I’d like to blame both of you, I agreed to it too.” She drew her hand from behind his hip and laid it on his thigh. “I’m glad you’re here with me right now.”

He leaned over her and gave her a long, gentle kiss. She returned it, moving only her lips. When he pulled back, she said, “Stay here with me for a while.”

He sat silently, caressing her, the light from the doorway playing with the shadows on his other side and on the wall. She rested, letting herself fall into a half-sleep, all thoughts of home or of reaching their destination flitting from her mind.

 

* * *

 

Taea sat in the corner of the dining room, knees pulled to her chest. What was she doing running off with a bunch of rebels? She should have turned herself in to the police, confessed to her doubts and failures. She would receive the punishment she deserved for . . . for . . .

For what? Betraying Tarran? Betraying Drucan? She had left to aid the lost, the enemy who seduces naive souls and poisons their minds against the True Way. How could she have chosen that? How could it be forgiven?

No. It was Spellcaster she had betrayed. That was the betrayal she felt ashamed of. She knew that. It was his spell, the Shroud. Because of it, she felt ashamed of choosing to side against him. Spellcaster had come and held Drucan worship and Tarran hostage. The Resistance was fighting Spellcaster, which meant that by allying with them she was working to free Tarran. But they were also fighting against Tarran, so . . .

“Enjoying your self-pity?”

Taea looked up to see Core standing in front of her, folded arms tucking her shirt tight around her breasts. Her face was hard and dispassionate.

“How do you do it?” Taea asked.

“Do what? Not fall into a sobbing puddle on the floor every morning and evening?”

Taea looked down and hugged her knees closer.

“Don’t just sit there and take it like a wimp.” Core stooped down and put her face uncomfortably close to Taea’s. “I’m taunting you. The one to blame isn’t you, it’s me. Get angry.”

Taea pulled back, turning her head away.

Core backed off and stood up. “You want to know how I can keep going on? It’s simple. They can take away my home, my family, and my happiness, but they can’t take away my anger.” She squatted down again, this time a comfortable distance away. “Stop fearing the darkness inside of you. Make friends with it. Control it, and let it control you.”

Her eyes contained a wild fury, burning inside her, yet contained inside her skull. Drucan taught that darkness inside oneself should be denied and shed, given up in the service of light. Taea had compromised so much of the way of Drucan in service to the greater good already---temporarily, of course. Would taking this one more blemish upon her soul taint her unforgivably? “How do you keep it from destroying you?” She whimpered.

“It’s a constant battle,” Core said. “Respect the rage and it will respect you, but let your guard down and it will pounce. So be smart. Put yourself in situations where the only ones you can hurt are your enemies. Keep everyone you care about at two arms’ length. And don’t even think about pets.”

Taea stared into space. This darkness, this cold monstrous force of nothingness inside her, could she really face it and try to understand and make peace with it? The idea seemed hopelessly dangerous, not to mention impossible.

Core stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Get up and face your life,” she said. “Or sit there and cry. I don’t care.” She turned and walked out of the room.

Taea sat for a long while, peering in paralyzed apprehension at the writhing shapeless tendrils of the void within her. Finally she said quietly, “Hey, I’m Taea. I would like to meet you.”

The darkness stopped moving. Then it writhed, billowing and separating until a giant yellow eyeball pushed its way through and focused in on her, standing so small and insignificant before it.

Well, she had gotten its attention.