In This House of Worship

One sexual reference, the rest should be pretty PG-13

I'm kneeling down on both of my folded legs, as a single candle illuminates hundreds of extinguished ones. In this graveyard of decorated flambeaux, my single lit candle looks a beacon of hope. Paraffin wax in sizes big and small, in every color of the rainbow, with more variation than a Google search for butt plugs.

 I speak out softly to no one, present: "Mother used to tell me I could talk to you about anything. How you'd never judge me here. Mom says she used to come speak with you too, but she doesn't need it anymore, she knows you're always in her heart."

 I take a slew of deep breaths, try to summon the courage to continue, and question how I've never actually been here before.

"Mom says you offer forgiveness, and that all I'll have to do is ask."

A sea of thick oils, electrolytes, and mucins trickle down my face, but I must continue.

"She says you'll offer forgiveness, and I want nothing more, but I can't ask, I don't deserve it."

Heavy precipitation flows down my eye sockets, my smeared makeup paints a picture on my face, that's not quite my own. I sit and cry for what can only seem like an eternity, to the living. I try to expel words from my mouth, try my best to purge my soul clean, reminding myself that I'm already here, that I might not get this chance again.

"I'm so very sorry. You would have always been the one who'd excel at this, always the one so very forgiving. But I suppose you have to be, when you're the golden child, and your little sisters such a f**k up."

I pause, but the crying is under control, the way only water impeded by a dam can be.

"I'm sorry we didn't spend more time together. Sorry it's you doing all the listening, you were always the most, interesting conversationalist. Mostly, I just want you to know how much I love you, how I'll always be proud of you, the way you were proud of me. I want you to believe me when I say that I'll spend the rest of my life, gratifyingly, trying to live up to your image."

I take another eternal second to gather my thoughts, to take a small bit of pride in finally getting everything out in the open, before blowing the flame out, on my single beacon of hope, and walk home into the night.

Reviews

[A Ghost of Myself]

Another well done write, Riley, I've had to train myself not to look for conventional aspects in your writings, as I know you like to look at an askew angle; and once more you delivered in expression and emotion making this an enjoyable read. A single moment in the flicker of light, captured for life, and never truly extinguished.

[RileyRedding]

Thank you kindly, I appreciate your feedback.

[Katie]

I love how you described everything in great detail!:)

[Chain of Hearts]

Very heartfelt. Great story! Just one thing...I think when you had that swear when she is saying 'when you're the golden child, and your little sisters such a...' that sort of made me 'wake up', and lose the sentimental feeling of it. But otherwise it's really good!

[gabiaimee]

The emotion in this story makes it such an enjoyable read. I think it could've done without the butt plug reference, but I suppose it does add some personality to it.

"She says you'll offer forgiveness, and I want nothing more, but I can't ask, I don't deserve it."

I have felt this way myself, at times. With this relation, I think, your writing becomes even more powerful.

[RileyRedding]

I admit the "butt plug" line is a bit out of place. This piece was actually the response to a friend's challenge. He asked me to write something religious (despite being an atheist) that was heartfelt, and without my usual satire and his words "dirty prose." This piece was my end result.

[burnhouse]

Damn am I glad I bumped into you! Or the other way around since you sent the group request-- Anyhow, I'm extremely happy about this discovery. Your work is refreshing and so much more than that, but /refreshing/ is what got to me first. I must add that 'I write like Chuck Palahniuk' thingy caught my eye no less, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your writings, and I'm on my way to scroll down 'em for sure.

[RileyRedding]

Great to hear. Always a pleasure to meet new people with similar interests.

[Alexis Enigma]

Wow how poignant, how thoughtful. This is a true step away from your usual work.
Just shows you're a genre bending, genre blending genius.

[Confuser]

Riley, I thought it was beautiful every single line; intrigued from the beginning and being a mother it made me think about it even more; you did a fabulous job of capturing the emotions; great descriptions; I felt I was right there in the small light listening to a private conversation. Well done. Thank you. Dale

[Zanne]

It's very Good, really descriptive, I could picture everything while reading. :)

[Terrence Chang]

nice one bro. well written. short but very well described

[Workvio]

As someone who is not a Christian, this is an interesting little read ... Awareness sets mankind apart from all other creatures, awareness of existence, and awareness of accepted norms of right and wrong ... To no fault of the story or the writer, the very setting makes it most difficult for me to review in that it immediately evokes strong emotions of anger and outrage towards what I have learned in my lifetime (born and raised a Christian) about this particular faith ... Yet, everyone must believe some thing ... Everyone needs some one to turn to in times of trouble, helplessness, and hopelessness ... I have found in my own life that the very instrument crucial to, the concept of seeking and obtaining, forgiveness is that of attaining and implementing self honesty, for if we cannot be honest with ourselves, we are, indeed, lost within ourselves in living a lie of lies to self, our every existence becoming a lie of lies, upon lies upon lies ... Well written, with a profound and contemplative message ...

[Cassy Sandow]

Love, love, love. Another one well done!