Write this in the Sand

In 5.4 billion years the sun will exhaust its hydrogen.

This will be earths curtain call.

Even before the sun becomes a red giant, the earth will be hotter than Venus.

That is, if we make it that long.

After all we're a walking talking, mass extinction event.

This is what I think about while I'm breaking her heart.

While I'm listening to her tell me how she'd rather argue with me than agree with anyone else.

While I'm finding the words to tell her how I've already made my decision.

Finding the words to tell her I've found nothing, but plentiful pain, and pitiful pleasure in trying to own her.

She's asking me what happened to forever.

And I'm telling her that just like Prozac. Forever has a half-life.

I can tell from the look in her eyes, that she's never going to accept my resignation.

So I lock myself in the bathroom.

Loving someone means protecting them. Even if that means from yourself.

So I down a bottle of Drano. Chase it with a couple shots of furniture polish. And for dessert?

You guessed it, Lemon Clorox.

All compliments of my bathroom sink bar-cart.

By the time she's convinced the neighbor to kick the door down.

The life is already leaving my eyes.

"So much for forever". She says.

"Forever's a long time."

Author's Note

Ignore Grammar.

Reviews

[Rene Salinas]

The concepts on your writings Riley are so strong at he risk of becoming overwhelming in that anything else gets obliterated by the structure itself. Though a narrative of sorts you don't seem to need developments of characters, you don't seem to rely on overpunctuation to denote a lyrical sonata. In fact in not many lines a dimension has just gone through at the speed of thought. From th factual statement of the longevity of our planet to the fragility of human relationships and the devastating effect that they could have upon our mental sanity. In the world of emotion that is like a googleplex of intensities yet amongst all the underlaying heavyness there also seems to be a fresh does of humour which makes me smile nervously as if I'm not sure I should be smiling at all.

As I have read a few of your wrtings I'm just getting warmed up here hoping for the next one to come I will smile sooner.

Thankyou

[RileyRedding]

That just might be the sweetest thing anyone on here has ever said to me.

[Rene Salinas]

Oh my! Stickly sweet? That would be the first time someone says that to me... The irony would not be a coincidence?

[Daniel Towers]

I'm a mystic in heart and mind and believe in a parallel internal/external reality where the life and death of an individual may coincide with the the life and death of a civilization, planet, star or even an entire universe. You seem to be tapping into the secrets of space and time. Bravo. And thank you.

[Jamie]

I agree with Rene! Loved it!

[krystle]

i've deleted and rewrote this comment 101 times because I can't find the words to explain how good it is, I physically felt the words. scary how love can consume a person. this sounds like the last page of a really good book and if I were you I would consider making it into just that.

[Randy "THEMACHOMAN" Sav..]

ALL YOU WEAKLINGS WILL PERISH BUT RANDY "THEMACHOMAN' SAVAGE IS FOREVER! IF THE HULKSTER CANT KEEP ME DOWN THERES NO WAY THE SUN CAN, BECAUSE THE HULKSTER IS AMERICA AND NOTHING IS STRONGER THAN THE GREAT U.S.A OH YEAAH!

[blackbird]

In just a few short sentences, I'm hooked and want more! Thanks for inviting me to the group.

[Skai Rain]

This piece here just made me a huge fan of yours. I love the poetic way you tell the story. Flawless.

[Jack Cassidy]

Beautiful misery. Honestly, I don't know what else to say other than this makes me think... A lot. Wonderful write.

[Leslie Philibert]

Clever, almost Kerouac like energy here, with big images packed into a dramatic, smaller frame, like it

[Jennie Baron]

Wow, Riley, I do like your writing style. Definitely powerful and thought-provoking. I'm usually skeptical of writing that's prefaced by "ignore grammar" because I definitely notice those kinds of things...that said, I didn't notice that much grammatically wrong with this story. It's very intriguing and original. I tend to agree with Rene's review. I'll definitely investigate your writing further.

[RileyRedding]

Thank you so much.
I appreciate the support.
I hope you will keep reading.

[JD Jessop]

You have captured pain, mental torture and the sad finality of suicide perfectly. Very powerful and sad stuff here. Well written.

[shweta]

brilliant job ! this is your first writing i have read and i must admit i enjoyed reading it throughout ;)

[Megusta19]

Wow...this is really powerful. The parallel you draw between the global catastrophe and the deeply personal one is really magnificent. A few things: I'm distracted by some of your punctuation, or lack thereof--I know you told me to ignore it, but it prevents me from feeling this like I should. All of the periods make your phrases seem choppy, which might be the aesthetic you're going for, but I'm not sure. I would love to see you bring the reader back to the global/personal parallel at the end just a little bit. Another adjective that compares the speaker's death scene to some kind of cosmic disaster would bring the whole thing full circle in my mind.
All in all, this is a great piece. I like the metaphors you are toying with. Always a pleasure to read your work. Best! --Megan