A Human Grudge

Chapter 4

 

       I stared at the boy's cold dark eyes. They were pained with disbelief, and full of grudges of the past. I knew those eyes. I've beared those eyes myself. "Drop your weapon." I commanded. I knew my eyes must've been giving off a strange glow. That always happened when I was angery. He clutched his teeth and hissed at me. His face was sweaty with anticipation and he was concertraiting on me, making sure I didn't make a move to kill him. "I do not wish to hurt you, much less kill you. Just let the girl go." Greta had her eyes closed now. She was trying so hard not to cry.

       The boy thought it over, I could tell it was a painful decision for him. To let his sworn enemy live was very disgracful within the Shadow Elve Tribe, then again it was his life. Slowly he moved his knife away from Greta's neck, alowing her to crawl away from him. I sheathed my sword knowing he wouldn't attack again. He slowly stood up in the moonlight and for the first time, I saw him clearly. His night black hair was waving in the wind as he glared at he with his coal eyes. His entire body was as pale as a ghost. You could have seen him in a valley of snow and would only see floating black eyes and black hair. I could see his ears pointing out from behind all the scrangly hair he possessed. They were the only bit of skin with a tinge of purple at the tip.

       I sighed. He was just a kid no matter how you looked at him. He looked again at the fire longingly. I finally realized why they liked fire so much. Being in the dark for most of you life would probably make you cold. "You are still welcome at the fire, I completely understand why you would attack her." I nodded toward Greta, who was curled up by a tree, shivering in her ripped up dress. She was completely terrified and I couldn't blame her. "But now that you know that she is my comrade you cannot touch her. Do you understand me?" The boy glared at me but nodded. We walked to the fire and I motioned for Greta to come to me. She ran to me and hugged my legs. (She wasn't tall enough to hug my waist) "Stay by me." I said in her ear and she nodded with tears in her eyes.

       The Shadow Elf and I sat on opposite sides of the fire. We were staring at each other, watching each other's moves. Greta stiffened near me as she looked at the boy long enough to remember his appearance. I stopped with the pointless staring contest and looked into the fire. I watched it's flames dance with life, life and destruction. I needed a break from all this silence, so I decided to be the first to break it. "What is your name?" The boy's eyes changed from a glare to a surprise. I could tell he wasn't expecting that. "Darren. My name is Darren."

Author's Note

Please Ignore spelling and grammar errors! Details will be added in later!

Reviews

[Unused Bagels]

For a rough draft, it seems pretty good. I like the use of drama and urgency with the knife to the throat and the ripped dress. I feel like the main character stopped something very urgent from happening, and that it was just in the knick of time.
I have to ask, why so much emphasis on the boy with black hair's appearance? I found myself wondering why you kept going back to it. I would suggest taking all that description and packing it into a couple of loaded sentences. Physical descriptions take the human eye split seconds to take in, yours should do the same to feel natural, otherwise I'm going to feel like I'm supposed to be checking the boy out (either for a meal or for sex). If that's your plan, be more sensual, describe all four senses, emphasize the mouth and other erotic areas like shoulders and chest. I didn't know what I was supposed to feel while reading this.
Find another way to describe Greta's height. That parenthetical reference is awkward. You could easily work it into the previous sentence. Play around with a couple of different sentences/phrases/etc until you find something that sounds right.
How does Darren react physically after his initial surprise? What does his body language say? Is he embarrassed by the whole encounter, or is he interested, excited to have a friend?
Again I say, decent rough draft, it leaves me feeling like I want more.