Finding My Calling

a combination of how i feel and just... story. in the last days with someone, and it hurts.

"You never open up to anyone."
I grinned at the girl and her serious, almost heart broken expression, and turned my back. Then, my footsteps moving with more speed and my mind with liberation, I ran into the foray of trees.

Cherry blossom trees.
The candy petals floated around me, dancing gayly to the melody in my head.
An uncharacteristically warm wind blew gently on my skin as I pounded onward. I breathed in the sugary scent and closed my eyes for a few moments, and then opened them for fear of running into someone.
The world of pink came swirling back around me.

Forgive me I'm trying to find my calling

That festival was the last time I talked to that girl. My best friend. I knew at the time it would be, and so it was her voice and not her face I thought of as I ran through the soft leaves. Her voice reminded me of honey, thick and sweet, easily able to transition into a drawl. A drawl I had heard many times as she commented sarcastically and often hilariously at something I said. Her kind and accepting words I ran away from dripped over my mind, sticky and consuming.
I slowed, and stopped. My short, blonde bangs settled messily on my forehead.

I swayed a little, holding up my hands and squinting through my fingers at the sun. It warmed me, healed me.

Feeling wonderful, I took a deep breath and listened. And I heard.

My calling, I'm calling at night

I heard relaxed talking and the louder trill of excited children. I heard laughter and my own short, rushed breaths. I heard the indistinguishale murmur you get only when there are many people gathered at one place. I heard petals softly falling at my feet.
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth; I loved cherry blossoms. This was the first time I had been around so many of the trees, and so many people who liked them as much as i did. Did you know? In Japan, cherry blossoms are regarded as the start of a new year. Their short bloom represents mortality, and the fleetingness of life. The symbolism they carry has such meaning that in World War II, suicide pilots would paint them on the side of their planes before they embarked.

I tilted my head back, and seeing the blueness of the sky, wished that I could stay there, stay under it forever.

I could've cried then, but I didn't.

Oh I can see now, that all of these clouds

I'm not sure how a person comes to be alone, and it's not important.

Somewhere along the line, I looked around and only my shadow stood with me.

I never got used to it.
Later, people finally approached me-- I developed a habit of pushing them away. I did so because I came to this realization:

People will always abandon me. They always have. And in the final days, watching their disappointment in me tears my very being apart.

I've heard it's better to feel pain than nothing at all:

I disagree.

Are following me in my desperate endeavour, to find my whoever

Really, I'm only a coward, but you have to understand--I'm just trying to be happy.
That day, filled with laughter and light, I wore the habit like an old pair of shoes. I ran away.
And I'm still running now.

The petals haven't stopped falling since then: they've gently drifted with me, lining the streets with pink, colouring my world.

Wherever they may be

That's why it's okay-- I'll figure it out on my own.
And when I do, I'll come back to you,

So don't worry; I will find you.

Author's Note

thoughts? :3

Reviews

[EVERYTHINGyoucantelltoS..]

Her voice reminded me of honey, thick and sweet, easily able to transition into a drawl. A drawl I had heard many times as she commented sarcastically and often hilariously at something I said. Her kind and accepting words I ran away from dripped over my mind, sticky and consuming.
I slowed, and stopped. My short, blonde bangs settled messily on my forehead.

i like the character here. like. i would totally hang out with them, and i like their characterization. with the voice.

also...

I'm not sure how a person comes to be alone, and it's not important.

Somewhere along the line, I looked around and there was only my shadow.

Time stopped for an eternity.


ithis , too. and idk whats happening. but like. the scrolly thing isnt working. so im just kinda typing.. lalalala. alirght. liked this bit, too. like that ba

[Ally]

ohmygod, this was gorgeous. i loved it, from beginning to end. i love that song, and it went perfectly for this. tis really sad, and i hope you believe me when i say ill never leave you :(
ARB. KKs. LA. forever, and ever, and ever. to the 3rd universe and beyond.
but yes. i thoroughly enjoyed this :D
like im horrible at analyzing literature, i really am. symbolism and the way you said this proved that and blahblahblah. what i really think, that story made me feel. and i can see it perfectly :) all your stories flow so naturally and fluidly. once again, j'adore, and je t'adore :D
xxxx