Night Full of Thoughts

The future holds so many mysteries: adventure or disaster.  I must learn to embrace change even if I am scared.

I tell myself I can handle it, but my doubt gnaws at my confidence, leaving me to fear the future

I am happy now, but will it remain?

Money is a big question. How much will I make? Will I be able to pay back my college loans? Will I be able to have a job to support my future family?

Thoughts, fears, and ideas race through my mind as a lightning strikes illuminate the dark room

The day is filled with distraction.

Thoughts rumble about but only in a whisper during the light. Friends and activities keep them hushed.

Laughter and smiles distract from the sleepy eye

The light brightens my thought, whereas, the night shadows them with doubt. I find comfort in the sun.

The sun warms and relaxes me.

I am left in dark only brightened by the occasional stray flashes.

I lie in bed listening to rain and thunder, telling myself it will make me sleep.

The lighting flashes break my thoughts releasing me of my worries but again the thoughts will creep back in the dark.

There I will lay waiting for sleep which may never greet me.

In this darkness, I will remain; however not forever in doubt.

Some thoughts are filled with imagining, dreams, and past adventures.

The darkness allows my mind to retracing my steps through the days past adventures where a smile will wander onto my face only to be seen in the darkness.

The waves of mostly good days past will make me chuckle, or make my heart flutter with excitement; however,

Even the daylights good memory contain pockets of regret.

As memories of situations I wish I could do over replay in my head.

I should not have said that I should not have done that I should have said something, will cause my heart ache. Then again doubt

Flash, the room illuminates one more time. Will sleep ever come?

My imagination is heightened by the dark allowing me to think about what if.

What if I got my dream job? What if I met the perfect person? What if everything never changed?

I imagine a future filled with perfect ideas: The perfect job, family, and life. No money worries no worries at all.

I will remain in this imaginary world until the reality flashes me awake.

Then I remember the future is left in mystery, and nothing is guaranteed.

I am happy now but will it remain the question that echoes in my mind.

Flash

I beg for sleep.

I cannot handle this.

I want my mind to be silent.

I want the doubt to stop.

Flash

Silence, I breathe slowly careful not to wake my suddenly quiet thoughts.

Finally, I lay in silence.

This time, I am not interrupted.

I lay still not wanting to wake my mind up. Slowly my mind slips into a dream leaving my tired soul to rest finally; however, tomorrow night is a different poem.