Ted Cola: Pruner (Meets the Boring Metal Nanny)

#1 Superhero of All Time. Of All Time.

Once upon a great moment in the lives of many an average joe existed Theodore Whitley Cola, or Ted Cola for short.  He is and always will be a pruner.  But not just any pruner.

 

A powerful, Earth-shattering pruner.

 

But before we get to the explosions and balloons there is something everyone reading, every little boy or elderly woman, needs to know- he lives in an apartment building in Whokurs, U.S.A.  Not just any apartment, either.

 

A powerful, Earth-shattering apartment.

 

The kind of apartment the bigwigs in the White House live in.  The one where their roommate is El Grim Reaper, THE Grim Reaper, who is Ted Cola's buddy and occasional tennis partner.  He eats all of Ted's nachoes.  One time Reaper and Ted did battle with the Eight-Armed Tax Attorney From Mercury using only a gumball machine and a flamethrower, but that's not this story.

 

This story is about the chrome-plated nanny who refuses to do any work, of course.

 

It all started when Ted Cola got back home after tending to Daniel-Day Lewis's shrubs.  She sat there, on his couch, and did nothing.  And I do mean absolutely nothing; she was like...a robot.  I mean, more robotic than any robot should ever be, and that's bad.  Bewildered, Ted barked out at her.

 

"What in the name of DORITOS are you doing here?"

 

She looked at him with her blank, expressionless, emotionless face.  "Nothing", she replied in the most blandest of blandest tones,"and nothing is what I will do."

 

Ted sat his shears down by the umbrella rack like he usually does, and went into the kitchen, where El Grim Reaper stood, captivated by the LOLCat pictures magnetized on the refridgerator door.  "Dude...some metal chick is just sitting on our couch, were you not aware of this?" Ted questioned, opening a cabinet.  "Yes, she was sitting there before I got back from Bingo.  I have no clue why she is here or what she even is really.  All I know is I know what we must do...move out."

 

Slamming the cabinet door melodramatically, Cola, our hero of 1000 worlds, gave Reaper the most angriest of looks, the kind of look you give the teacher when she says you have homework on the first day of school (Oh yes, THAT look).

 

"SHE...ATE...ALL OF...THE MUFFINS!!!"

 

"Oh dear God!" Reaper whispered before slinking into a corner.  This was about to get ugly.  Clowns-before-makeup ugly.

 

Ted stormed into the living room, hand full of muffin crumbs, which turned into fireballs in his hand.  The metal nanny whatever looked at him questioningly, or would have been questioningly if she had any personality whatsoever (but she didn't, so let's guess questioningly), and stood up.  Or she would've stood up if she had any metal legs, and let's make a long, epic story short by saying no, she didn't have anymore legs, because Ted Whitley Cola blasted them straight off with those fireballs like some deranged Mario character.  Spitting out dial-up computer sounds, the metal nanny blasted into the air, leaving a big gaping hole in Ted's and Reaper's apartment celing.

 

Being on the second to last floor, Ted waved hello at Alberta, the quiet lady in 15A, who kept a few dogs, who also peered out at Cola.  "I'll get that fixed Miss Alberta, don't you worry.  Just another really horrible villain left for me to triumph over because some kid at a computer couldn't think of anything dark to write about, so he started typing up some story some kid may like, who knows."  Ted shrugged, knowing Alberta will think he is crazy, but then again a freaking robot just reverse-dived into her place of residence, leaving a skylight for both Our Hero and That Quiet Lady.

 

In walks El Grim Reaper with balloons.

 

THE END...for now

Author's Note

random kid's story to get me more into the habit of writing