Sitting On The Beach of Life

We sit on the beach
Of life
With our sins
And vulnerabilities
Exposed
The sands of
Uncertainty
Flow gently
Between our
Toes
Our souls
Are mere
Sand castles
Forged by
Our sinful hands
As we sit
In lawn chairs
Made for our
Weariness
Crafted by the Master
Giving us shades
Of forgiveness
By giving us
Light from his son
Leaving footprints
In the sand
Reminders of
What he has done

Reviews

[dan]

Rico, Now this is very good, period. The poem flows like a babbling brook, nice and easy. The short lines bring more attention (emphasis), it's a more staccato, rat-a-tat-tat delivery that brings more of an immediacy to each line. Using the footprints in the sand (you've seen the poster or photo) metaphor brings God and Jesus into the write, bringing more emphasis to the message. Now, I wouldn't have written all that I just did if your poem was no good. If I don't like something I don't write a review. This is a very accomplished piece, be proud of it! take care...dan

[Jerome F Knox III pseudonym Nefarious J. Dorsey]

I just talked to Jennesis about this poem and told her that it felt weird because it out of my comfort zone. Most of my pieces are ear type because I am a spoken word artist. Thanks for sticking with me as I try to figure it all out.

[dan]

My pleasure. dan

[Kelly Scheppers]

"The sands of
Uncertainty
Flows gently
Between our
Toes
Our souls
Are mere
Sand castles
Forged by
Our sinful hands"

Your poetry gives me great insight, and wonder. I enjoyed this!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

those reminders are there, the footprints...the forgiveness...

reminds me of a song by don mcclean...."i'm growing tired of castles in the air"
you made a really good allegory in this one, Rico.

one suggestion...8th line should be "flow gently" "the sands flow gently"

but a beautiful work here.

[mau]

nice, I really like your story, you would be a fine writer