Candyapple Carpet Ride (a rat's eye view)

An attempt at a freer verse...my entry to the incomparable free rhyme master, VictoriaSelene Skye Deme's, Challenge to Free Ryhme contest! (aka NoneOfYourBusiness aka KITTY KUTABARE aka CandyPole)

Candyapple Carpet Ride (A rat’s eye view)                                15 Sep 2011

 

Starkly exotic enrapt divine

she leapt into my land of rhyme

“Do you mind?”

...MY mind, so democratic, neh eso-cratic!

such ordered thinking, the structured lines

devoted adherent, traditions kind...

not what you THINK 

this ink that chronicles, 

my style passe like monocles?

my tabernacle not a pinnacle?

umbilical or stuck like barnacles

a musaic carbuncle?

 

She's a demi- (goddess), her "Odd-ess"

SPLIT! her pneumatic wit

fit, with diamond bit 

drill that finds and mines...

invasive-primed,

unrequited Queen of free-ryhme

on spinal tap her rare cerebral sap

azure psyche-transmitter ocean

her polished sea shell dreams

warm salty tidal themes….

with craft so fine,

her time is quantum…

universal conscious-wanton

in attitude that little skirt,

so "innocent" that smile, relaxes and beguiles...

Ahha! the temptress to divert,

creative dirt, creative hurt,

revert inert creative flirt,

beget creative spurt!

 

Into my mind then 

a serpent to my Eden slithered

resistance withered, my aghast-ly jaw a-dither

seductively round my mensa coiling

circuits foiling, frozen stiff emotions boiling 

spoiling years of lessons, toiling...toiling...

with joy I'm roiling, roiling...

oh-so employing, horizons cloying

restraints destroying, freedom enjoying! 

 

"The gig is down" she said, 

her finger pointing 

up instead, well up 

as I thought it - not it, 

"whassup?" I said,

her head, turning seductive smile there burning

"Here the poles reverse, yo re-"verse," no worse

see your down is up perhaps down under

if Asian persuasions support your blunder...

an "up" not yearning for free rhyme learning?!

 

“Down here my friend 

though you upside down hang

the slang may pang yo thang

that is if'n y'all got-some, 

be a pos-sum,
who sleeps not um...

the sub see is conscious

so jus' pretend, a bat a rodent is not

or cat, more like a rat, "above”

Year of? I said.

"Don't defend!
You'll end the trend...

inverse CREATE! To send” she said,

to dangle, at the rodent angle

upside down is right side up,

untangle, your wits must spangle

when on the other side.

Here bottom is top

and top is a reversal -

rehearsal without a script,

the rats words singing, clinging, bringing

your ink to slap words down

around to wrap you- son! 

ink backwards run

you must equip this mindset dip,

that where it's at- a rodents trip! 

persuasion flip!

To fill that stagnant cavity with naught 

of mental gravity,

in style be hip, let tethers slip, your boundaries rip, 

apprehensions...ZIP!

 

But as i rose my house was shaken

Shakespeare-GONE, a lonely shelf

Poe no longer by himself

a dove there cooed, but no more Raven 

Yeats was dull, and Spencer craven

Dylan Thomas lost his passion

Robert Frost the followed path took

Dickerson was stilted-jaded

Coleridge (no surprise) had faded

poems of Pope became soft-hearted

the joy of Kipling fast departed...

the past unstarted,

uncharted, de-smarted

so hearted empty hearted,

familiar path I parted.

 

But fertile is as fertile does

and when in Rome…intrigued I was!

This new terrain demands exploring

deploring, cowards constant clinging

solid ground, adventure singing, bringing

a gift worth bringing…

In her enchanted stream I floated,

gloated all this I’ve missed!

conscious-less revolving-ness -my altered bliss,

the scheme it seems,  

Selene's fair dream, 

artistic soda fountain fellows

marshmellows dipped in cream

bondage fleeted, justice meted, fetters cloven, woven

into flowing juices, sluices

from imaginations

tethered uses

the gushing forth of sheer release, 

all boundaries cease,

the antiquated  well turned verse,

a curse, to tame-

imaginations tireless bane,

creations drain…

so rise above this yoke replete

and breath a higher air so sweet

here on this side we meet

fair Deme.

 

Rikkevi Rue copyright 2011

All rights reserved

Reviews

[Earthbound Angel]

So many good verses here. Sorry, I'm late to the game, but want to catch up on all that I missed. My favorite part:
Into my mind then
a serpent to my Eden slithered
resistance wither, my aghast-ly jaw a-dither
seductively round my mensa coiling
circuits foiling, frozen stiff emotions boiling
spoiling years of lessons, toiling...toiling...
with joy I'm roiling, roiling...
oh-so employing, horizons cloying
restraints destroying, freedom enjoying!

[Rikkevi Rue]

Hello Earthbound! Amazing that I should come here tonight because I haven't been for a long long time...but some things don't die easily and my offerings here fit into that category. Send me a friend request or something so that I can message you direct. I went to your page and I wasn't "in the club" so couldn't leave a message. It would be nice to reconnect. Meanwhile, thanks for your review. I'm happy there were verses that you could connect with. This submission was from the "old days" of writer's cafe, before many of the dominant players left...sad but true, still, it lightens my heart to see you here

[Earthbound Angel]

I sent my message 4 days ago! Your higher self was slow to give you my message. LOL...but better than waiting until Christmas!!

[Rikkevi Rue]

haha. Well Nice to be back in touch

[Reese38]

Your depiction of The Queen Of the Surreal is remarkably striking. Your entry into her contest is supreme. Watertight assonance, flawless cadence.


But as i rose my house was shaken

Shakespeare-GONE, a lonely shelf

Poe no longer by himself

a dove there cooed, but no more Raven

Yeats was dull, and Spencer craven

Dylan Thomas lost his passion

Robert Frost the followed path took

Dickerson was stilted-jaded

Coleridge (no surpise) had faded

poems of Pope became soft-hearted

the joy of Kipling fast departed...

the past unstarted,

uncharted, de-smarted

so hearted empty hearted,

familiar path I parted.


Smiling here, because she does have that effect. Being mentally stimulated by Selene, leaves all other touted poets looking rather drab.

[.]

oh My!! I am speechless, I confess, for you possess, pure finesse, and steal success, to my distress, theres no contest, my case I rest..utterly flabbergasted by this completely superb piece of word play..you have surpassed the mere mortal here and elevated yourself to a new and surreal level...jealous...jealous ...utterly Jealous..this is going into my favourites..I salute you!!!!!!!!!!!

[LilyT]

You nailed it. The crème de la crème of rhythmic odes. That the delectable chant is to our Queen Of Surreal makes it all the more jubilant and wild.



In her enchanted stream I floated,

gloated all this I’ve missed!

conscious-less revolving-ness -my altered bliss,

the scheme it seems,

selenes fair dream,

artistic soda fountain fellows

marshmellows dipped in cream

bondage fleeted, justice meted, fetters cloven, woven

into flowing juices, sluices

from imaginations

teathered uses

the gushing forth of sheer release,

all boundaries cease,

the antiquated well turned verse,

a curse, to tame-

imaginations tireless bane,

creations drain…

so rise above this yoke replete

and breath a higher air so sweet

here on this side we meet

fair Deme.

[Larry Dyson]

I agree ...surpasses any of the entries i've read ..including my own...so far you are my hands down choice....unbefricking leaveable...

[Robin]

This Rocks ! swirls in the surreal of this queen in silky cream , smooth smooth smooth wordplay , rhyme sublime flavoring pop pop pop delicious-ness

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

~*~ a moment to gather my breath~ you ~ dear poet took rhythm and surreality and delivered every flavor of mind candy I've yet encountered into the metaphorical candy shop where underland mixes freely at a bar with wonderland~ trippy~ beautiful twists and turns of words fall like sleek edged puzzle pieces to wrap each corner of the puzzled girl into a clarity one couldn't possibly ever see for their personal best but sometimes need be showed~ I asked for bent rhymes~ i challenged others to topple conventional writing~ thinking I was queen and master of the fluid pop rock rhythmic verse~ and here you come~ sir =)~ schooling me and surpassing my patterns with the unique of you~ to say that this creation of yours speaks my language would be a total understatement~ Rivveki Rue~ it speaks to my very cells and makes my chromosomes dance!~



In her enchanted stream I floated,

gloated all this I’ve missed!

conscious-less revolving-ness -my altered bliss,

the scheme it seems,

selenes fair dream,

artistic soda fountain fellows

marshmellows dipped in cream

bondage fleeted, justice meeted, fetters cloven, woven

into flowing juices, sluices

from imaginations

teathered uses

the gushing forth of sheer release,

all boundaries cease,

the antiquated well turned verse,

a curse, to tame-

imaginations tireless bane,

creations drain…

so rise above this yoke replete

and breath a higher air so sweet

here on this side we meet

fair Deme.


Humbled, honored~