CANSEEHER V.2 ( with Elise)

Arranged by Elise. http://www.writerscafe.org/55andcounting

Can see her pain

Can see her burden

 

Can't see her heart

pumping without a chest

 

Can see her bravery

Can see her struggle

 

Can't see her wholeness

hacked from her mass

 

Can see her - her

Yet I am helpless

Author's Note

Thank you Elise.

Reviews

[Elise Anton]

They were your words. I could never have done them justice the way you did. Proud of it all.

[Zoli Fern]

Kudos! I love the short stanzas, the alternating can's and cant's, and the sudden change of rhythm in the last line.
And after reading your bio, have faith in yourself! If you write, we will read... ;)

[richy]

Thanks for reading and about my bio I would have changed it a week ago if I could figure out how too lol. I wasn't expecting much from a site where I display my work but that's because I never used one until this.

[Zoli Fern]

I can't wait to read more!
~Zoli
P.S. You can change your bio by hovering over "Home" on the top of the page, and clicking on "My Account".

[Stefano Segnan]

Ah, so I reviewed the previous version... yes, this one gets more to the depths of the soul. Good work and good luck

[barleygirl]

Very good collaboration. Lightyears beyond the early efforts. So glad you two spent so much time on this, becuz (as I sorely neglected to mention) . . . this is a very important message. My sincerest (((HUGS))) go out to you & your mom.

[barleygirl]

I love the creative way you've structured this poem to accomplish your goals in sharing your message. I loved watching the poem evolve as you & Elise worked together. This version is original & heartfelt. (and you know there's going to be a "but" in here somewhere) . . . .
BUUUUUUT . . . One of these days, I'd love to see you spill your guts with all the powerful emotions I can feel you holding back in this rigid little read. Sometimes, when the subject is so powerful & heartfelt, we writers escape into "form" to keep from exploding with all the messy feelings that are really in there hiding. I understand if now is not the right time for you. But this topic most surely deserves a very deep & detailed tribute to all the feelings in there . . . (((HUGS)))