Another Love Poem

Or It's about something else.

A mixture of water and salt 

keep our bodies apart

The oceans evaporated

Underneath this bed

I don't understand

How we stay afloat

on this melt away land

When night calls us to sleep

nothing bothers me

there is nothing to see

we hold the world's beauty

hostage between these sheets

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

I know you hate it.... can I steal it and fix it? You can have it back when I'm done.

[richy]

Sure. Let's make it a contest and our third selve can judge.

[barleygirl]

I was going to review this until I saw your comment below, saying you hate this poem. So why should I waste my time? Why do you waste your/our time posting something you hate? What could I expect from a person who's friends with HansJizzy. I think our friendship has just ended.

[richy]

Id hardly consider us friends Barley and I'm sorry you took offense. I'll miss you and good luck.

[barleygirl]

I didn't mean "friendship" in the real sense. I just mean this artificial s**t that happens on websites like this. Thank you for understanding my intolerance. Good luck on your writing, too.

[Davidgeo]

People who center their stanzas ought to shampoo my crotch... but that's just a personal observation, it has no real meaning here. I just like to talk about shampooing my crotch.

I like what you did; a hybrid of describing the massive expanse of the physical world with the infinitely complex but tiny world of personal emotion. If that's not what you were going for, good, I'm gonna do something on that topic later...

[richy]

You know what? I've been wanting you to read some of my work and you reviewed the actual last piece that is on my mind. I actually hate this poem but yeah I beat you to shrinking the universe.

[Elise Anton]

That you did ;)

[Davidgeo]

You're such an a*****e richy

[Elise Anton]

You calling yourself an a*****e now? Stop making fake profiles and commenting! lol

[Davidgeo]

My defining characteristic is my a*****e. Sir Richy-Richardson could never approach the depths of my a*****e... he's just a mere dick. It's you know he's not me. That sounded slightly homosexual but, I'm gonna post this anyway.

[Davidgeo]

It's "how" you know he's not me. is what I meant... who edits comments on reviews? A******s... a******s do.

[Elise Anton]

Sir Richy's talents differ I agree. They're not so focused on genitalia or other physical attributes. You Sir on the other hand rule this particular domain. Unvanquished, despite the many coups, I might add...

[Davidgeo]

Don't call me lazarus... I'll triangulate some dolphin poems and love stories just to spite you and your Mexican takeover.... I know you're from Mexico...

[Davidgeo]

And yes... I'm still going to steal the essence of Dickey's poem... we are the same person anyway. so... whatevers

[Elise Anton]

Richy, defend my honor from this thief! (Sorry mate, we hijacked your poem for our own verbal spar). Say stop whenever :)

[Davidgeo]

Whenever you stop I will say you're a p***y

[Davidgeo]

(I usually don't stop)

[richy]

I don't mind. It's all taken from m the collective conscience anyway right

[Davidgeo]

True... richy my friend this is undeniably true

[M. L. F.]

I like this... last two lines are really nice. Agree with the pp about the "underneath this bed" line being a bit mysterious to the meaning as a whole, but the rest is spot on. ;)

[richy]

All I read was you agree with pp

[M. L. F.]

No, I said I like it, the poem, it is really nice, but about the previous poster I agree that the "underneath the bed" line is a little too mysterious, as in, is a bit confusing compared to all the other stanzas which seem to flow with one another. Make sense? The poem is really beautiful though.. :)

[richy]

I was making a bad joke about the use of pp lol I got you

[M. L. F.]

grr richy... lol :)

[stargirl23]

I loved this poem, and the concept and way you wrote were beautiful! One thing I'd change is that the phrase "underneath this bed" is misleading. Nice job!

[richy]

Thanks for pointing that out. I didn't notice until you said something but it's really out of place