Writing To The Lows

How I want to write poetry.

To a man In a window, I matter as much to him

as he does to you.

I play with perspective because I lack a point of view.

Another's eyes don't comfort mine.

I feel nothing.

I feel love

happily married

I feel alone

I was here writing

homeless

I am home

So tired of life

So scared to die

So I smoke

Who's perspectives are these?

What do they invoke?

Why are they mine?

Reviews

[Elise Anton]

You have the rare privilege of one of your poems actually being read by Dylan (oldest son). He read it! I caught him in a an equally rare moment of largesse. I asked him his thoughts to see if they coincided with mine. He said he liked it. I said I liked it. He and I rarely agree on anything, so consider this a huge compliment!

Okay. "Another's eyes don't comfort mine" or "Another's eye doesn't comfort mine"?

The following two verses flow beautifully.

The fourth on the left... I don't know about the last line. Was it intentional to separate it from the first two? Please explain :) Dylan had a rather macabre offering but I won't mention it here lol

I feel there should be another line at the very end? That's just me. Same rules apply. Reject/accept/send me on my way.

Overall, a fresh (as always from you) perspective on perspectives. Did I say I like it ;)

[richy]

Added another line... I wrote the "another's eyes" line intentionally that way. does it not make sense? also I'm not see where that fourth doesn't fit...and i want to know what he thinks because it probably sounds better than anything i could come up with lol

[Nirvana]

Rich the way you made the brain react not only with words but with image foreplay is brilliant. My mind wanted to read this conventionally but it was only able to envision it as genuine thought: scattered and separated. Too dope, my friend.

[Carolynn]

I really like this one richy. I think many of us struggle with life's perspectives. I've often thought about how other people view me like I view them - they don't matter to me and I don't matter to them...and your two stanzas with differing perspectives are very relatable. It's a very thought provoking poem so well done!

[barleygirl]

Empathy is the crux of good writing. Even when building a despicable character in a story, one must take time to include loveable human traits, becuz nobody is 100% monster. Think of the nasty characters we love & never forget (Cruella da'Ville). It is thru showing each character's humanity that the reader becomes invested in every type of character we present. I also love exercising my ability to tell a story from different POV's. I love this line of yours: "I play with perspective because I lack a point of view" . . . you may feel this is a lacking, but it's actually a blessing. Those who are married to certain POV's are crippled in the task of relatable writing. I like everything you're saying here, but I'm not too crazy about the unusual formatting. It doesn't detract, but for me, it also doesn't enhance.

[richy]

The format was an attempt to give my thought process or mind a physical view. You also nailed the empathy portion of this writing. I was very conflicted in writing this. I was taking a serious look into myself and wondering whether or not i have true empathy or If i just imitate it by changing my point of views. Thanks for your understanding as always!

[Stefano Segnan]

I agree with what Elise Anton already wrote concerning that fourth line and that the end comes too abruptly.
While these lines seem to reflect a dichotomy, have you ever considered it to be a fine duet?
That aside, the greatest strength of this works for me resides in that third line, because you want to stop and ponder over it. Really enjoyed it!

[richy]

What about the fourth line doesn't work? And i added another line that maybe give's the piece a little more closure... ohh and I also would like more of a description of "a fine duet"?

[Stefano Segnan]

The grammar in the fourth line ("Another's eyes don't comfort mine" or "Another's eye doesn't comfort mine"?). As for the "fine duet" I am going to send you a mail in the inbox

[Érenn]

This is seriously good. The way it's presented and what has been presented. You play with perspective because you lack a point of view? Donno about that but you can play with words for sure. You have expressed a lot of things in such a few lines. A unique poem from you as always it seems nowadays. Thanks for sending me the request really liked this one ^^

[Abeer Tarek]

This is really beautiful, and very unique.."I play with perspective because I lack a point of view." this was very clever and the entire poem tells too much within a few lines..I loved it

[mou]

you have penned your feelings in a very different way.one line quickly make a challenge to the another.a well formatted poem with good thought.