If Your Favorite Poet Were Me

My eyes closed to smell your breath, your neck, your hair. 

I close my eyes every time you bite my arms, my lips, my chest.

I close my eyes to what I don't want to miss.

My mouth and hands lack manners. 

You talk then I talk. You talk then I touch.

When you talk is when I should keep my eyes shut.

My ears hear everything you say, your soft moans, your lovey and crazy.

I hear your ideas and aspirations. They resonate and replay In my ears.

I think In rhyme so my responses are always delayed.

I understand your reservations on giving It up to me,

In the place your parents sleep.

I don't know why you wont make love to me.

You say I'm narcissistic.

I guess I'm having an out of body experience.

Reviews

[checkianout]

I can't really leave an objective review on this one since I'm kind of partial to s**t of this nature.

But my favorite line:

I understand your reservations on giving it up to me,
in the place your parents sleep.

V personal. V something I'd write.

Bravo.

[Stan Lee]

hmmm.. that conjurers up some preeetty nice imagery!
The title caught my eye - What then? I wondered.
and the fourth verse made me smile, you understand but you dont know!? lol.
Great poem! :)

[richy]

Haha thanks I appreciate you reading and enjoying!

[Elise Anton]

You have this quirky style... You know I like it. Fix the few mistakes: First line, "your breath" or "you breathe"? Further down, " you talk then I touch". "When I should keep". "You're lovely and crazy". "you won't make love"... I know sometimes when you stare too closely you miss these little things :)

"I think in rhyme so my responses are always delayed" That's the quirkiness I enjoy, you always sneak it in and I look for it every time lol.

Love the last line.

[richy]

i wanted it to be lovey and what should i fix about the "you talk then i touch"

[richy]

I was saying i hear her lovey. lol

[Elise Anton]

Just the inconsistencies of the capital I's and the small i's. Were they typos or intentional? As to the 'lovey' I should have clarified. Lovely is an adjective, 'lovey' is a noun (at least in the urban distionary). I read it both ways and thought if you intended it as 'lovey' it might need 'you're a lovey'?

I know you intended it, but it read jagged, my 'grammar mind' paused and struggled to gain the meaning you intended. But hey, you know me. Just disregard everything and say "I like it this way, be gone picky woman!"

[richy]

I was actually using it here as a verb. and yes im the worst when it comes to capitalizing my I

[Elise Anton]

Ha! Verb? I believe you've created a new word, or is it a colloquial? How unique! As to the 'is', don't worry, I'm here for you lol

[richy]

I never hear anyone use it that way before me so lets go with I CREATED A NEW WORD! lol