I Felt It While I Wrote It

I felt it while i wrote it. I didn't edit. I didn't make a mistake. Even my cursive was perfect. I'm still hurting.

When you say I love you

I think you mean It

I think you're lying 

but I think you mean It

I let you In so 

thoughts of you fester 

and rot my dreams

I see you and we love

I f**k you and you come

to be contained

(For a moment anyway)

I make mistakes you

get gassed at

you make mistakes

I look passed that

I'm so scared of losing you

I've lost myself 

I've lost my soul

Can I regain at least one back 

Reviews

[Carolynn]

Very raw and painful - love induced pain is always the hardest to recover from - you really expressed your emotions well with this one richy

[ThePaperPrincess]

ah

[Érenn]

Kudos buddy, this is an awesome piece and yeah the pain intense, the feelings raw, so what, those thoughts of your that flowed freely make this one a impressive piece.

[Diamond Dunbar]

Damn I f*****g love this!!!!!!

[richy]

that means a lot thanks!

[barleygirl]

When you write: "I didn't edit. I didn't make a mistake" at the top of your poem, this is an open invitation to put on my scrupulous glasses. But once I got into the message of your poem, I stopped wanting to point out your mistakes. There are many powerful thoughts here . . . best: "I'm so scared of losing you, I've lost myself" . . . this happens to so many people & this describes it perfectly. Frankly, I think your poem, your writing, & your message is far too elevated to be so crass: "I f**k you and you come" . . . I'm not against swearing or sexual content. I'm saying, be more subtle & imaginative, like the rest of your poem. Thank you for sharing.

[richy]

i was saying i f**k you and you come to be contained. as in sex keeps her with me but its fleeting. I could have dropped the come down a line and it would have made more sense that way but i wanted you to read it feel as if i were being crass but actually it was a pause that continued through to the next line. i appreciate your feed back and i don't usually swear. i really thank you for saying my writing and message are above that but we are only human and my poetic side has an equally frustrating truck driver side. haha thank you for reading it anyway.

[barleygirl]

I understand being intentionally crass, but you could still be more imaginative: "I pin you down with my c**k" (sounds corny, but you get the idea).

[richy]

hahaha i love that line.