His mood is sad,
the day was bad,
he wouldn't choose solitude,
but solitude never forgets his footprints.
Moment of distress,
think of a solution-S.O.S,
the shadows keep reaching for his soul,
he's tired of trying, tired of having another go.
A troubling discovery,
he is useless when he's happy,
When sadness plays a tune in his heart,
it awakens the genius in him to play its part.
Oh, the pain, the shame and regret,
all that could go wrong he never seems to forget,
perhaps the memories would haunt him forever,
perhaps this mood would be his abstract elixir.
I really like the format of this piece. I didn't initially expect a rhythm at first glance but it works really well reading through it. A very sad theme to the poem but it paints a very vivid picture and you can't help but read to the end to see what happens. I hope this isn't based on your life. No one should have to live life full of melancholy. There's more to life than avoiding happiness when it can bring you so much. If you ever want a shoulder to lean on I'm here :) A wonderful piece though, thank you for sharing it with me :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
my pleasure RiverRei. Based on my life? not always.:-).
This is so amazing you have left me Breathless and I can not believe how well you have progressed as a writer...pieces like this is what makes a writer proud as well as inspires others...well done :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
haha, happy to leave you breathless. Thanks micky..
The poem is absolutely wonderful. It is so sad and touching and yet enjoyable because of the connection to everyday life and emotions. I liked the title a lot as it helps to form a idea of what we can expect from the poem. Nicely penned! :)
His mood is sad,
the day was bad,
These lines are simple and yet so cute. They made me think of a child who's pouting because something's gone wrong so they obviously appeared cute to me. :)
he wouldn't choose solitude,
but solitude never forgets his footprints.
A brilliant way of expressing how lonely he was. Well done! :)
A troubling discovery,
he is useless when he's happy,
This is so me! :D I loved these lines. Very powerfully written. :)
When sadness plays a tune in his heart,
it awakens the genius in him to play its part.
Beautifully written. Hats off! :)
Oh, the pain, the shame and regret,
all that could go wrong he never seems to forget,
He's too hard upon himself but then all great artists are. *wink* Amazing lines. :)
perhaps the memories would haunt him forever,
perhaps this mood would be his abstract elixir.
Wow! ''Abstract elixir'' is such a nice term to describe how sadness makes him utilise his talents in the best possible manner. Excellently written. :)
The poem is great. I liked the flow and the way you chose two short lines and two long ones. The poem is very meaningful and though sad, leaves the readers happy as it ends on a hopeful note. You've written really, really well. Keep up the good work! :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Awesome review Bushra.:-)- maybe my best ever, you totally understood the meaning of the poem and th.. read moreAwesome review Bushra.:-)- maybe my best ever, you totally understood the meaning of the poem and the feelings i was trying to express were gotten spot-on. Thank you, thank you my friend:-).
This is a great write... full of emotion... I really like the way the poem started and grasped the readers attention. Only correction would be "Solitude" only has one l not two. Good work buddy!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
hi Aaron, thank you for checking it out and for the correction, see you around..
When people are in deep stressful areas of their conscious mind they are more than apt to draw on deep seeded and embedded data accumulated in their minds over time and become an admiral foe