The Sign (aberrancy)

Unmetered Quatrains w/slant rhymes in aabb, ccdd, etc; rhymes. Being asked to post something other than romance poetry, here's one that came to mind … inspired by a rather eerie dream.

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"THE SIGN"

As I lay old, time drifting away,
I saw very shortly the end of the fray.

Of what I saw then I can barely speak;
as music played loud, drums rolled weak.

Scores and thousands of mutes on the march
came screaming and crying, without any hearts.

Shuffled-by next, grey-rotten hermits in tens,
mumbling, "We will never be single again…!"

They kept coming on, each loaded with gold,
fur coats on their backs to keep out the cold.

I laughed 'til I cried when I read their sign:
"Today, at a discount, FREE PEACE OF MIND!"

Richard W. Jenkins
©1994

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Author's Note

A piece pulled from the archives.
Painting: Victor Hugo, oil on canvas by Leon Bonnat, 1885.
(used only in a contextual nuance of final fantasy).

"In fading moments ...
who’s to foretell what one's mind might perceive?"

Please, offer whatever critique you believe will help. ✍

Reviews

[Lisasview]

Hi Richard,
Oh gosh I am all over the place with this one.
Trying after reading it 3 times to grasp what is going on.
It could be that he is asleep and all this is only a crazy great dream.
But because it doesn’t say he is asleep only that he is old and time is ticking away. So it could be that he is just laying there with a great imagination! With thoughts exploding in his mind.
Memories mixed with thoughts…Perhaps day dreams.
Or he is on his deathbed with silly thoughts.
Giving him… Peace of Mind…before he dies…
This one certainly made me think!!
Lisa
Of course I loved it.

[Richard🖌]

Lisa,

I can certainly relate with your jumble of reasoning over this one; it is an interpretation of visions left dancing through my head after waking from a dream of dying in a relaxed, submissive state. This poem is a reasonable expression for the sensations of its source.
I have experienced many dreams of like surreal and fantastical chimera, etc.

I wonder what Freud would have made of this one(?) … LOL!
Thanks for loving anything Me! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Lisasview]

Pretty much what I ended up thinking.Remember the poem I wrote Forevermore...about my own death.
read morePretty much what I ended up thinking.Remember the poem I wrote Forevermore...about my own death.
This though came to me after waking from a dream..
I also reviewed another newer one of yours.
Lisa

[lightsong]

Well my father died with a smile on his face so at least we know for sure there is a smile there :> oh and it's free!. what I see and feel here even through the "mambo jambo" images (well again who knows what CRAZINESS the mind can see in fading moments) is that total peace, I am not speaking about the peace of oneself, but the peace of all the world.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Ghounwah 🙏

For reading and commenting on this indecipherable piece from one of my phantasmagorical dreams.
One would think that if their father's eternal journey began with a smile on his face, it might offer a sense of happiness and peace for those he's left behind … a blessing, per se.
For a long after this dream, I was left with a felling of uneasy confusion … a similar feeling I still get from reading it.
The "mambo jambo," as you call it, is my interpretation in words of visions.
I can only hope this is not what I perceive at or after my final breath.

I bid thee a most wonderful evening! ⁓ Richard🍃

[lightsong]

yes I understand your confusing and restless feelings about this dream, some dreams are like that, but don't worry I assure You that only peace and beauty is waiting for You there specially for a beautiful soul like yours, my father wasn't happy in his life (You know my beautiful mother) but he also drove himself more into unhappiness, his face when he died still in my head... he was like sleeping and happy, now enough talking about death and LIVE ON!

[heavenscentgirl1]

VERY THOUGHT PROVOKING BUT VERY BEAUTIFUL AT THE SAME TIME. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR WORDS WITH US RICHARD MY FRIEND
HSG. 😇

[Richard🖌]

Thank you most gratefully, Mary Jo 🍂

For reading and commenting on this rather incomprehensible piece from one of my eerie dreams/nightmares.
You're the first who's said this poem is "beautiful," but poetically speaking, I think so, too … in an offbeat sort of way.

Here's bidding you and yours a fabulous Thanksgiving gathering! ⁓ Richard🍃

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Interesting write. I like the manner you wrote this in. I never read a poem like this before. I read it twice. Dreams always interest me and poetry and the two in one it's just amazing. It really makes me think. Tyfs

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Cyprian 👋🏼

Thanks for selecting one of my pieces to read and review … albeit, a bit bizarre or somewhat phantasmagorical.😳
I'm truly pleased you like the written format, find it interesting and amazing, and reading it twice assures me we've connected though my earnest, humble efforts.

You've made me think, too, Cyprian … I'm so very glad to have shared this one with you.
Thanks again! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Garrett Leatherman]

Love the surreal imagery here. Could you describe what "We'll never be single again" means? Or perhaps it's just an inexplicable dream image...

[Richard🖌]

Top-o-th'-mornin', My Friend 🌤️

Many thanks for taking-on this rather Poe-esque, or "surreal" piece, as you so aptly put it.
Hm? To answer your question … I suppose the following verse emphasizes that the hermits had banded together and will thereafter always be inseparable:
"Next, dragged-by gray, rotten hermits in tens, murm'ring, 'We'll never be single again.' "
If you think it's confusing to You, I've tried to understand it for years; your guess is as good as mine(?).

I'm glad you found reason to "love" this one, Garrett … I'm still trying to figure it out.🤔
Thanks for the read and your thought-provoking review! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Garrett Leatherman]

Poe is one of my favorites :) I see what you mean now. Another one of those slippery dream images I suppose...

[Susan 🦋]

oH geez! Who's to know what the mind sees in a dream. LOL dicounted peace of mind? I bet, between the mutes and the hermits and music blaring...not much peace of mind happeneing.
But why mutes with no hearts? Hmmm ( lol dreams) prehaps helplessness void of feelings ( heart)??...hence mutes no hearts.
Loads of gold??? The root of all evil? OK Yikes Richard, this one has me in a million directions ( probably all wrong) But, I gave it a shot. :-))

[Richard🖌]

G'morning, Sweet Lady Susan 🌼

LOL! I was wondering if you'd come across this one and how you might react.🤔
Actually, knowing and respecting your high level of discernment, I'm convinced you've done better at divining the meanings of this piece far better than I have, and I can't begin to tell you how many times I've reread and gone over each part in my mind.

Thanks for taking this one on; wishing you a glorious Sunday afternoon … happy hugs! ⁓ Richard 🍃