Love Gave Me Sight ... (soul breaths)

Sestets in 9-count lines of ababab, cdcdcd, etc; rhyme-scheme.

   

  

Love Gave Me Sight …

Thinking I was such a special man …

ne’er I'd had a single clear insight;

’til, as ocean’s wide majestic span

her love ~ made me see one summer's night.

'Neath waxed moon, she formed a newborn plan …

my lonely soul, gifted wings for flight!

Memories poured from within my heart …

deepest, darkest cleansings taking place.

Her love made me ache for a fresh start;

all pain, swept aside through tender grace.

Olde love notions soon would fall apart

to vapors ~ vanished, with ne’er a trace.

New love made me gleam like spark'ling gold,

melting and re-forming then as stars,

from the heavens shining where they’ve told,

how love lasers all deep, jagged scars.

Splendored rays of passion’s heat … Behold!

Tomes of gold inscribing new memoirs!

Wrapped in aural flows, two now reborn,

as though fate, itself, embraced each soul …

every fibre of their beings torn,

rent from moorings, once again made whole.

She and me, love made ne’er more forlorn;

to each soul, renewed all life had stole.

Sunrise-glimmers dance off rippling rills,

across life’s pond's joyous revelry …

by each warbling mockingbird’s bright trills,

sung each hearts’ effulgent melody.

As sweep Nature’s verdant views, yon hills …

through new eyes ~ it’s Her, love's made me see.

Richard W. Jenkins

           ©2017

Author's Note

Painting: Love of Souls, by Andrew Gonzalez, acrylics on clayboard.

Please, feel free to leave helpful critique,
or anything you believe will help better my craft! : )

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

This is a lovely poem ... a gorgeous tribute to love. The second to last stanza is my favourite -- the passion and the rebirth of two as one.
Indulge me for a bit -- free from moorings as opposed to rent? just saying ...
Also, is there a reason for Nature and Her to be capitalised? Is it to emphasize the comparison between the force of Nature and the object of the speaker's affection?

[Richard🖌]

(the site ate my first response)

Thank you, Dear Lyn,
You gentle graciousness is welcome blessing to an olde bard's soul.
I can certainly see why you so favor the penultimate verse, as it is, also, one of mine.
"Rent from moorings" is to emphasize freedom from the previous line, where their being had been so deeply torn and moored, now ripped away and once again made whole, to never again be made forlorn by the tragedies of life, and "Her" is what it's all about.
When you capitalize such words as "Nature", you make it a proper noun, no longer with common attributes or characteristics, as are the seasons capitalized when used as proper nouns.
I like your interpretation of Nature the best. : )

Thank you ever-so warmly and appreciatively for such a lovely review, Lyn … hugs! ⁓ Richard

[Lyn Anderson]

I try to come across as I am. And yes, that makes sense. It just seems to me that having used torn in the line above that free would work below. But I do understand the intent of the line. And yes, I feel that my interpretation of Nature works best with the poem.:)

[Richard🖌]

They were torn beings, rent (ripped) from their moorings to finally be made whole.
To me, this is simple and easily understood, even if I did not write it, but I realize some rad and perceive differently than others, despite my intent; maybe, even because of it … LOL!

[L.C. Jarrette]

clap!
clap!
clap!
your poem is already great. but this...is just, i mean c'mon : "anything you believe will help better my craft!" ...you have my full respect. i totally admire you. i meant your great talent! haha!

[Richard🖌]

After your review, LC,
I feel so very blessed, appreciated, and revered from such a lovely lady-poet's expressed appreciation of this deeply meaningful piece and by virtue of her trust and praise … you so deeply honor and humble me.

Brightest blessings of warmest, thankful, gratitude to thee! ⁓ Richard : )

[L.C. Jarrette]

i don't know what to say...(still blushing) lol.
:D

[Richard🖌]

I think you've said it very clearly, LC! ; )

[Angelheart1]

YOU are a special man in so many ways Richard!

To find someone who opens our eyes to the wonders of love is a wonderful thing, as your words have done and I thank you for them Sir. Angel

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Angel,
You have such a blissful way of reaching out to touch, that travels to my core … and that, M'Lady, makes you very special, in your own ways. : )

I am truly grateful for you, your words of praise, and your gentle warmth! ⁓ Richard

[Great Aunt Astri]

Interesting rhyme scheme, holds each stanza nicely together, giving a feeling of wholeness. Love touches us in surprising ways and does make one feel 'whole'. So glad that, "love lases all deep, jagged scars", and, "renewed all life had stole." The last stanza is very moving, love giving the poet new eyes to see the lovely side of the natural world. And, as for HER, well, lucky Her!
I really enjoyed this beautiful poem.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you sincerely, Dear Astri,
From you, such words of praise, enjoyment, appreciation, and understanding hold true meaning in gratuity for an olde bard's earnest efforts.

I feel lucky, too, thanks to You … smiles 'n hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[Great Aunt Astri]

An olde bard has the great advantage of experience, from which to draw inspiration. And of course,maturity, to be sensible about it!
smiles'n hugs! {:~Astri

[Richard🖌]

Most humbly and graciously, to You, a low, sweeping bow⁓*

[Chris]

The last stanza held me...

The last line of stanza 4 confused and paused me - I reread the entire stanza three times before moving on (and each time that last line felt off). The implied "it" before renewed seems to need a "that" before life.

[Richard🖌]

Thanks for sharing your technical insights, Chris, and for letting me know that something about this piece "held" you.
Is it how the line is worded, what is says, how it's said, it's confusing, misunderstood, it's unpoetic, etc; that is the issue?
You suggestion, in that the poem is composed in 9-count lines, will not work.
How about if the comma is moved, does that make it better?
"to each soul renewed, all life had stole."
(or) perhaps:
"to each soul … renewed, all life had stole."
(or)
Have you a suggestion that will keep it in count and solve your issue?
Helpful, well-meant critique and suggestions are always welcome, and I appreciate your input, My Friend, and for selecting my efforts to read. ⁓ Richard : )

[Chris]

In keeping with your intent - "to each soul … renewed, all life had stole." - appears to best fulfill your requirements.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Chris for your valuable and always welcome input … I shall make the adjustment immediately. : )

[lightsong]

Since my first breath, I believed in "The Power of Love", and believed that Love is a real Cure, till my last breath, and to the beyond lifes, I will keep holding this belief, though it won't be easy at all, but that's me, and what makes me "me".

Your words speak of that cure, of that eternal rebirthing, written indeed with Your soul breaths, melting with Your loved one soul breath, because the sheer serenity and sincerity are sparkling from Your page like the broken stars, and I feel a blessed soul, a blissful spirit, where there is no needing for anything but to be here, at this moment, in these words... and there is nothing else, nothing more to be wanted or needed, it's like Your Soul has float over eternity, and in each flight carried the same Love.

We might fall in love more than once in life, but my belief too, that when the realer truer deepest Love comes, when the "right one" comes, it's surely won't be like any other which came, or will even come, and You will be surprised, how it came, like it's the first... yet the last one, how there is always something new, something more to hold, to feel within it... there is no limits at all.

Splendid two pieces of arts.
Splendid Glory.

[Richard🖌]

Well, Dear Littlesong,
I, for one, like your "me" and completely agree with your sentiments on love, and how right you are … love is not always easy, but it's always powerful enough to cure most anything, if it's deep and sincere enough.
You're quite right, too, I do tend to put a considerable amount of my deeper inner-self into my poetical efforts, and I am so warmly pleased you feel it.
Yes! There are no limits to love, and your take on love and this humble piece is truly inspiring and gratifying to receive.

I thank you with my happy heart … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard : )

[Susan 🦋]

Before can even begin to review this poem, i need to address this picture! It is simply stunning! I love the calming color...its a oneness, representing the souls shared..along with the winding, spiraling forms..so beautiful and a lovely visual to this poem. Now, this poem...format aside ( which I am sure is written to perfection) is so truly,wonderfully, sooooo accurately, and soooo profoundly perfect in it's expression of love and what loving can bring out in a person.

"Tomes of gold inscribing new memoirs!" This line really got my attention (yes, I DO pay attention) I really like the correlation between tombs of gold and inscribing memoirs! These are words I dont think would ever come to my mind...yet, WOW how perfectly fitting !There is such a jubilation throughout this piece!! Ahhh that new love...is there anything more exciting?...idk...but those singing hearts!!...well now! can't ya just feel it..such deliciousness. Eyes open to the splendor of it all.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Susan,
Your shared inspiring sentiments of Andrew Gonzalez's painting, in the way it befits and enhances my humble poem is a gracious blessing … as he is my favorite, spiritually-gifted artist.
As to the wondrously inspiring warmth and expressed appreciation radiating from your lovely words, they could not have been any more energizing and satisfying to an olde bard's senses.

You may have equaled the poem, itself, in radiant expressions of gratitude and affection … thank you ever-so warmly! ⁓ Richard : )

[Susan 🦋]

:-) you're welcome.

[Ardra]

how love lases all deep, jagged scars.
Splendored rays of passion’s heat … behold!

beautiful words as always coming from you richard..
it has a very soft and soothing feel to it...very alluring to the senses :)

enjoyed reading it.. the image also is quiet a match for the poem !

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Lovely Galadriel,
Your new pen-name and avatar are very fetching, indeed! : )
That you've singled-out those particular lines reveals much of that which is most gratifying to you from my own words of soothing expression, and ever-so grateful I am we were able to touch so meaningfully through them.

Thank you warmly for your enjoyment and praise of my humble words and matching choice of imagery … I am easily as encouraged! ⁓ Richard : )

[heavenscentgirl1]

A very nice piece written to share the excitement of two souls finding new love but I'm old school & still believe the best love is the deep abiding kind which is even more exciting. The deep lifelong love that has endured the test of time.

It would even be better if the new love you speak of is actually a rebirth of the same lifelong long love that once was.

Thanks for sharing your words along with the gorgeous visual.

Blessings,
~ mj

[Richard🖌]

Blessings warmly requited, Mary Jo.
Even old, enduring love can be renewed by a soft caress, a gentle touch, tender kisses laid 'pon warm, willing lips.

You are always welcome to my shared poetic wares, Dear Lady-Poet! ⁓ Richard : )

[heavenscentgirl1]

Your words are filled with truth Sir and I look forward to reading more of your shared pieces.

[heavenscentgirl1]

❤️ these are still beautiful words. Hugs

[Poetic Beauty]

It's amazing how love can change us and our lives. How we can melt with someone and be reshaped into something more beautiful.

[Richard🖌]

Such a sweet caress your words are to a hopeful olde bard's grateful senses, PB … a melting reshaping in themselves.

Most grateful hugs to thee, Dear Poetess! ⁓ Richard ; )

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

When reading this poem, I think of spring. It's a renewal, a rebirth, a revival in love. It sparks like sun on a river, with glints of crimson and gold. Beautiful!

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Linda Marie,
For this one, I had a beautiful inspiration to set a spark aglow in my ink … one so gratefully warming, as is the sweet beauty of your words to it in review, a blissfully poetic moment in themselves.

Warmest hugs! ⁓ Richard : )