LIFE'S SONG ⁓ (fear neither life nor death)

English Sonnet

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LIFE’S SONG

Beneath grayed cloak the evergreens reach high
to drink from air, their needles weighted full.
Limbs supple, softer than an unborn sigh,
subdued in mist, give way to Nature’s pull.

At night, soft whispers you may nigh hear of … 
o' do not fear and turn to run from such;
for, only ‘tis the kiss of winds above
in chilling flight … upon life’s lips, its touch.

Amidst those mists and shadows lies a shrine
of vine-made arbors … gravestones for the dead.
An angel stands its guard, by Death’s design,
that peaceful comfort wroughts when life has fled.

Should thee soar high, between that angel’s wings,
hold tight with faith; then, hear the song life sings.


Richard W. Jenkins
©2016

1st Place

FanStory International Sonnet Contest

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Author's Note

Picture: compliments of Google Images

Helpful-intended comments and critique are always welcome! : )

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

I like everything about this piece, from the word choice, to its softness, and quiet understanding of the interplay of nature, life, and death -- the earthly and the spiritual -- it is so warm and comforting, something I would hope to achieve within the context of a sonnet.

[Richard🖌]

KL,
I can reasonably expect your poetic potential to one day eclipse the skill it took to compose this piece, and I sincerely believe your aptitude is such that it will.
Yes, the Sonnet is one of the most versatile of all poetic forms, allowing great latitude to those whom master it.
Your take on this piece is genuinely reassuring; for, every nuance of your comments speaks it voice clearly and concisely.

it is so earnestly rewarding to share with those whom best "get it"! ⁓ Richard

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, KL.

[Zombified Spider]

I like the third stanza (verse?). It rings clear to me. I could never create something as beautiful as this. as someone who loves Shakespeare, and anything Shakespearean/Elizabethan! this is amazing.

[Richard🖌]

Good morning, ZS🕷

Thank you ever-so gratefully for your gracious praise and expressed appreciation for and of this rather complex English [Shakespearean] Sonnet.
This form is the Rolls Royce of poetry, both in beauty and in challenge. Having read your posted work here … as a teacher of poetry … I'd say you've a fine potential to learn and compose in the English Sonnet.

I totally agree, V3 is at the core of this poem … good eye.
I so warmly appreciate you! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Thomas W Case]

Tremendous work Richard. Powerful.

[Richard🖌]

Thanks, Thomas.

[Victor D. Lopez]

I absolutely love this sonnet. It gladdens my heart to see a Shakespearean sonnet molded by highly skilled hands as too few poets still write in true sonnet form (Shakespearean or Italian), at least in this country.

One of the aspects of poetry I love is that a well constructed poem can often be interpreted differently by a reader than may have been the writer's intent, expanding the poet's vision (for good or ill) beyond what may have been intended. For me, this poem speaks of the harmony in life and death. A vibrant evergreen rises, reaching for the sky, nourished by air, water, and human remains brought to life in the tree they nourish and possibly also rising towards an afterlife. The circle of life wonderfully rendered whether one is inclined to a religious interpretation (as am I and I suspect the author) or a secular one. From death new life springs transformed but ever-vibrant.

The subtle, compelling images the poem evokes are stunning, its message uplifting, and will stay with me. Really well done!

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Victor 🙏

I've received few (if any) more accurate interpretations of this sonnet's penned intent; nor, a review more fulfilling and interesting.
What a pleasure to have my humble efforts understood and appreciated in such an inspiring manner, by such an accomplished sonneteer, as yourself.

I'd hoped you might enjoy this piece.
Bless you your days, M'Friend! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Victor D. Lopez]

Thank you, Richard for your poems and kindness. May God bless you and yours always.

[Aura]

You beautifully describe the fate we must all eventually encounter, yet you do not express it with gore or horror but instead with the peaceful scenes of nature through your depiction of the mighty evergreen trees. These trees always remind me of swords because of how they look. It is clear that you took dedication when writing this sonnet, choosing your words very carefully, maintaining the iambic pentameter throughout, however I have a question, I noticed in your first quatrain, second line it says "to drink from air, their needles weighted full." Did you use the word "weighted" just so it would fit the iambic rule? because WEIGHTed FULL? It isn't wrong because weighted is past tense of weight but reading it out loud, weighted sounds alot like "waited" unless I am pronouncing it wrong, and would the word "weighed" have also worked, if you got another word to make it 10 syllables?

Enough of my queries! Nonetheless I enjoyed reading this Richard, you do have an extraordinary talent when it comes to choosing your words for your poetry.

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Aura 🍂

I am so very pleased you've selected this rather contemplative piece to read and review.
I've always enjoyed sharing poetry with you and teaching you poetic forms, because you have a great eye and are not hesitant to ask what you don't understand or to speak what's on your mind … what better way to learn, eh?

Let's address your questions and comments on the word "weighted":
"Beneath grayed cloak the evergreens reach high
to drink from air, their needles 'weighted' full."
You said, "WEIGHTed FULL isn't wrong because weighted is past tense of weight" … this is incorrect.
Weighted is a presence tense verb, rather than the past tense of the noun, weight.
Both weighted and weight are present tense.
Weighed, often confuse with "weighted," is a past tense verb of the noun, weight.
Wait is present tense and waited is past tense, both verbs.

Yes, Aura, weighted and waited are "homophones" … words that sound alike but are spelled differently and have different meanings. For example: red, read|to, too, two|there, their, they're|sale, sell, cell, sail|by, bye, buy|its, it's, etc; there are literally hundreds and is one reason why the English language is widely considered to be amongst the most difficult to understand.

You also asked, "Did you use the word "weighted" just so it would fit the iambic rule?" No, Aura, I would never do that; each word in my poetry has meaning that befits the line in which it's used.

I thank you so very much, Aura, for thinking this Sonnet is beautiful, that you made note of my sincere efforts in writing it, and that understood its essence so clearly.

It is wonderful to know I've connected with a poetess I so highly admire and respect! ⁓ Richard🍂

[Aura]

Thank you for your response, that makes more sense. The word weighted isn't a word regularly used so when you used it in that line, I thought it was past tense of weight because of the ED at the end. I'm used to the word weighed to convey the past tense of the word weight, so I guess that was a bit confusing. I was so close to saying that you only used 9 syllables in that line because of weighted, I had it confused with weighed. Then I noticed the "t" in weighted and had to reread the line.

[Mauricio Montoya]

Thank you for letting me read again.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, too, Maurice,

It is always a special treat and honor to an author when a reviewers returns for another read. : )

How rewarding mutual gratitude truly is! ⁓ Richard

[Mauricio Montoya]

Love it, the first line, shuck imagery, in a forest so cold all you have is hope. But you don't end there the gathering of words makes it plane with flow what you express, good write.
Thank you for sharing

[Richard🖌]

Hello, Mauricio,

I sincerely appreciate that you've chosen this rather spiritual-feeling composition to share and comment on, and that you found favor in its verses.

My best to you, with grateful thanks! ⁓ Richard

[Lisasview]

So lovely..The images jump from the page Richard..
Every line feels magical..expressing life and death in the forest of life.
Lisa

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Lisa ☕️

Here's hoping this finds you feeling better.
It's an honor to be read by an artist with a deeper understanding and appreciation of my work, who perceives its finer details … I've really enjoyed your take on this rather somber Sonnet.

Bless and keep thee safe and well! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Garrett Leatherman]

Wow! Amazing imagery. So, are you using evergreens as a symbol of life? The afterlife? I'm also getting a strong sense of death as peaceful, something comforting that should not be resisted. Would love to hear your thoughts.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you sincerely, Garrett 🍂

I'm so pleased you've accepted my invitation to read and review this rather sombre Sonnet, and that you've come away with a more meaningful grasp of its deeper intentions.
We were discussing sonnets and how complicated and challenging they are to learn and compose, and wanted you to see an example that is simply written, reads smoothly, and easily; yet, is entertaining, interesting, and delivers a deeply spiritual, emotional, and thought-provoking message, hoping you'd be inspired to compose your own Sonnet … maybe(?). : )
I think your analogy of the evergreens is an accurate interpretation of intent … good eye, Poet!

An excellent review, Garrett.
Very enjoyable, pertinent, and interesting! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Garrett Leatherman]

I tried to compose my own sonnet but Free Verse is just so much more enticing :o But since I've already done it once I will do it again I'm sure. I'm glad my interpretation was appropriate!

[Richard🖌]

Free Verse is the lazy man's poetry … it requires very little effort to compose it, and hardly any poetical education.
Though, I will admit there is some pretty damned good Free Verse out there, but it definitely is carried by powerfully expressive poetic voice and criteria most never learn or know about.

[Garrett Leatherman]

This is very true!

[poetgurl]

gravestones for the dead.
An angel stands its guard, by Death’s design,

Such a powerful imagery here, but not all gravestones are for the dead, I'm seen some empty gravestones
already marked for those who haven't yet passed on, I guess they are preparing for that... One to think on.

[Richard🖌]

So, Dear Kimmie 🧐

I see you've finally come across this rather reflectively pensive piece, eh? I had wondered what you'd think and how you might react(?).
The two lines you've highlighted reflect the measure of your depths in answering my questions, and in reading your words on "empty gravestones' give me pause for thought on preparing for my own death … but, shouldn't we all?

Thank you for rattling my bones … smile* ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Lacey Sue]

This is an extraordinary piece of art which poetry is art

[Richard🖌]

Thank you ever-so much, Lacey Sue, for selecting one of my humble poems to read, and for your graciously inspiring words.

Bless you with happiness always! ⁓ Richard 🍃