when You take the New Roads (go, Thee, with great care)

English Sonnet Doublet (while teaching KLGoode [Lyn Anderson] the Sonnet, it got me in the mood to write one)

when You take the New Roads

Upon that day You take the new roads there,
be ever mindful of the ways You choose;
remember, too, the ones You leave still care,
that all their hearts and souls ~ you'll never lose.

The road ahead may seem a brighter way,
the visions far … You feel a longing lure,
and everywhere You look … a bright, new day;
then, looking back you'll see naught but a blur.

A sort of wavy imagery that fades,
of faces you once knew that smile no more ...
where colours once, now grey and shadowed shades,
as memory becomes a closing door.

Yet, so much more (unknown) is calling now,
and all you've known seems useless now somehow.

We'll miss your tender love and gentle hand,

that always knew the touch and words to say,
Whenever’s needed your sweet, special brand
to warm cold dark and sweep the clouds away.

With You, be sure to take all that you'll need;
You know, those little things that were the best ...
like poems, love, and promises decreed,
each tender heartbeat made within our breasts.

Aye, heed the road ahead … its luring call;
and, tarry not lest roads ahead fade, too.
As all you leave here far behind grows small,
remember, Dear  ~ I'll always wait for You.

Tho, those new roads may take You far away,
you’ll always be my first breath ~ every day.

Richard W. Jenkins
©2016

Author's Note

Top painting: Watercolor, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Landscape oil painting: by Carl Milton-Jensen (1855-1928) Danish artist

Please, feel free to offer critique or comment on anything you feel will help better my skills! : )

Reviews

[Marianne Rose]

This poem fills me with emotional ambivalence, a warning within an invitation within a wistful imagining of doors closing and paths opening. I walk forward on the new path with you, looking back to see the fading memories, sad and grieving, then filled with expectation of something new, a roller coaster of emotions. Another warning to take everything I need fills me with anxiety- will I forget something important? More gentle fluttering of anxiety- will I be caught between the past and the future- if I do not hurry, the road ahead will fade just like the road behind did. The anxiety is hidden behind beautiful words, barely felt, but it is there, prodding me forward. Confusion- how can you wait for me as I travel far away, the road behind fading? Maybe it is in the heart you wait, beyond the path, beyond time and space. The last line is piercing to the heart- that she will always be your first breath, everyday. Such joy mingled with loss there. A beautiful poem, with all the paradoxical emotions love brings us. Thank you, Richard. I don't really feel qualified to critique the form, novice that I am. I can only say that there are places that old-fashioned words feel slightly out of place, because the whole of the poem does not read like a classical poem, like Shakespeare, but like a poem that is written in our current language. (Words like aye, naught, tarry not) But that's just my opinion based on how the words seemed to lessen the emotional impact for me. Beautiful work, my friend.

[Richard🖌]

Goodness, Marianne!
How I ever missed your amazingly beautiful and rewarding review for this piece I can't imagine, but I love it, everything you've expressed wraps me in your warmth, camaraderie, and relatable emotion, feelings, and enthralling thoughts, a masterpiece of poetry in itself.
The "olde fashioned" words you speak of are from the very breath of timeless poetry, Marianne, neither old or new, but from the very lexicon of life … without them, this work would lose a part of its soul.

Bless you with all the equal joy and happiness your enthralling review has gifted me, Dear Lady-Poet! ⁓ Richard

[ReedWrite]

How I love sonnets. They have such an appealing ebb and flow to them. This poem is moving on more than the surface level. While I imagine it was written for a lover...I can see it also encompassing a child, grown and anxious to find their own path. Yet...we always wait for them. The road almost always leads home...and yes, the thought of them...the love we have for them...makes them our first breath every day. Yet one line...like poems of love and promises decreed,
each tender heartbeat made within our breasts...tips this poem to one that does not speak of children, but of a lover moving on. Either way...it is beautiful.

[Richard🖌]

Ah, Lovely Poetess!
How warmly your words touch an olde bard's heart, inspiring and blushing their way throughout.
Your take on this piece surely encompasses a myriad of likely possibilities, all of which I enjoy.
The impetus of it, however, is imagining a lover who's leaving her life for one unknown, feeling the need to find herself, as the one who loves her dearly and most speaks his heart openly and sincerely to her, before she departs.

Thank you for such a wonderful compliment … you are beautiful, too … smiles 'n hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[Carly]

Such a beautiful poem. You have a way with rhymes that makes everything flow together so lovely. I also find it very relatable and that is my favourite kind of writing to read. Thanks for sharing :)

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Carly!
Yes, the Sonnet allows poetry to speak in a special voice other forms cannot match, and spot-on rhymes is a virtual must to capture and appease the reader's practiced, knowing eye.
A review of words so eloquently expressed as yours is what makes an olde bard grateful for his earnest efforts to write for other's pleasurable enjoyment.

My warmest hug of thanks to you, Dear Lady-Poet! ⁓ Richard

[Einstein Noodle]

i read this as a parent saying adieu to children ...as they leave home .. but certainly has many other valid interpretations ... i like the doublet ..you get to give more of the story .. being there tho a loved one has departed ..and being there with love to greet the traveler, should they return, satisfies my optimistic bend :)
E.

[Richard🖌]

Good Sunday morn', Gene! : )

I enjoy your take on this one very much, indeed, and how truly correct you are … that it is universal, in that it could well apply to a child, a lover, an endeared friend, close companion, an/or comrade, etc.

Yes, it is rather sad, too, hopeful, and promising etc; all at the same time, eh?
Thank you and bless you, My Keen-minded Friend … you're always enjoyed and welcome here! ⁓ Richard

[Einstein Noodle]

like wise i'm sure :) ...................

[Papaya]

This really is very special Richard. Almost like a fare thee well love, setting one free to find themselves.
Hoping they'll round that corner again.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, M'Lady! : )
Ever-so warmly and gratefully, I am warmly blessed by your sweet presence and wonderfully gratifying words of expressed praise, enjoyment, and spot-on understanding to this rather involved work from my ragged olde pen.

You genuinely make writing and sharing a true joy … warmest hugs to you, Dear Poetess! ⁓ Richard

[Lydia Shutter]

Remember, though, he who stays misses more than he who goes. It is true. You look into the bright multicolored future and the further you venture on that new road, the less clear the images of where you left will be. The ones left behind see you everywhere and remember all the places you wandered before leaving. The love felt by those who remain is strong...and everlasting. The sonnet is written to perfection and the emotions are so real.....so poignant. A pleasure to read...and the artwork you chose to accompany your words is stunning. Lydi**

[Richard🖌]

Dear Lydi,
It's been such a beautiful day, and your review is beautiful, too.
I say this, because (to me) there is nothing more beautiful and gratifying to an olde bard's eyes, mind, and heart to receive the wise and open understanding of a lovely lady-poet; especially, when it all expressed about one of his earnest efforts. : )

Thank you, Lydi, for blessing me with your sweet presence … happy hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

[Lydia Shutter]

Always my pleasure, Richard. Lydi**

[Brianna Brie]

Anyone can relate to this one; whether, they ended a relationship purposefully or because of slow neglectful time. Caring about people comes with a price. Life usually forces us to part ways with hundreds of people. Everyone that crosses our paths plays some type of importance in our lives good or bad. Impressed with your accomplished style. :)

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Brianna! : )
It is quite wonderful to receive such keen words of deep, awakened understanding to one of my pieces, and your expressed appreciation for my skills is gratification this simple bard is always gracious for; especially, from such a learned colleague as yourself.

Many grateful blessings, Brianna! ⁓ Richard

[Carrie Ann G]

Wow, reading this brought on severe nostalgia for me. As I'm nearing middle age, I'm starting to look back on all the roads I've taken and left behind; so many memories of so many events, milestones, and people. Life is a journey, and for every new road you take, you leave an old one behind and everything changes- forever.

[Richard🖌]

Carrie Ann,
I most warmly and appreciatively thank for sharing your personal feelings and sentiments derived from this rather involved work of goodbye and goodwill.
Though sad … what you say … there is truth and wisdom in it few understand, or express it openly and beautifully, as you have.

What more could a hopeful bard ask for than for an accomplished poetess to grace his pages and leave her gifts of true feeling … a bushel of warmest thank you's, Carrie Ann! ⁓ Richard

[SJ Mullins]

In my humble opinion, I think it is a lovely write. I loved it so much I reread it three times. :) I think you nailed the description of how the one feels who is being left behind and how he/she is explaining to the one leaving how things will be; the feelings of both, the one being left behind and the one leaving. Hope that makes sense, as I am quite tired at the moment. I especially loved the last six lines because of the undying devotion they show. I find the last line particularly lovely. :) Hope you are doing well. :)

[Richard🖌]

Oh-MY, Susan! : )
How thrilling it is to receive such a deeply understanding review for one my humble poems.
You've no idea how gratifying it is; especially, coming from a poetess of your caliber.
Yes, your take on these Sonnets is sheer perfection, and to know you love anything about my poetry is gratification beyond mere words, M'Lady … a big hug of warmest thanks to you! ⁓ Richard

[SJ Mullins]

It is a wonderful read. My pleasure. xx

[William Liston]

This piece really doesn't suit my particular taste, but nevertheless, I can appreciate the skill it took to make it. Iambic pentameter has never been my strong suit...I've tried it...it never comes out sounding right.

Anyways, I enjoyed the first half of this poem. It was like I was reading a 'shadow' (if that makes sense) of so many emotions commingled into one poem. It had a bittersweet feel to it, as if there were feelings of wonder, care, and love along with longing, despair, doubt, which is especially emphasized in the third stanza where the imagery starts feeling dream-like. I loved that stanza; it captured a sort of sadness reminiscent of that moment when we reflect on our lives...and moments of the past start to seep in...and we realize that life's never going to be the same. It's not the deep sorrow that one would feel, if say, a close relative died, but rather, it's that feeling you've expressed as "A sort of wavy imagery that fades," where the past only seems to exist as an evanescent dream.

The last two lines of the first sonnet gave me chills; it really contrasted with the first two stanzas where you were wishing the person "good luck" and "happy travels." It kinda made me feel like the speaker in this poem is masking his/her true feelings because the line "and all you've known seems useless now somehow" really doesn't convey the same "happy travels" message that's apparent in the first two stanzas, and the fact that the speaker said it right after the somewhat sorrowful third stanza...it kinda adds tension to this piece (as I have interpreted it).

The only thing I can critique about the first sonnet is S2L4. It didn't read smoothly to me. I kinda felt it stumble at the word 'naught;' I wanted to stress that word. I then read it unstressed, and it still sounded awkward to me. I would've worded it 'then looking back you'll only see a blur.'

It's the second sonnet that makes me say "This piece really doesn't suit my particular taste." As I've already stated, I noticed a change of tone in this piece from "happy travels" to a masked feeling of frustration that someone is leaving. The second sonnet just seems to go right back to the "happy travels" feeling, as if the speaker never uttered the second and fourth stanzas of the first sonnet. As I've interpreted this piece, it just feels awkward, or in other words, the poems don't seem to harmonize with one another. They share the same topic, but as far as the mood is concerned, the poems don't seem to compliment each other. Perhaps I've read it wrong, or I don't fully understand this form (if you think so, please tell me), but if I were you, I'd just make them into two separate poems. Sorry if this sounded a little rude...that certainly wasn't my intention.

-William Liston

[Richard🖌]

William,
I am completely aware how many will read a work and come away with differing views and responses, and one has but to read the varying reviews of anyone's poems to realize just how true this is; so, your own differing conclusions are certainly expected.
I've considered the intent and details of everything you've offered for this piece, and graciously thank you for your time taken to address each aspect.

I find the degree and manner in which you've expressed yourself so thoroughly and honestly to be truly and unusually remarkable, My Friend! ⁓ Richard