The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

A Poem by Richard🖌
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Free Verse

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© 2023 Richard🖌


Author's Note

Richard🖌
Picture: compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Something set me into a wispy, dreamlike, drifting-off mood.

Please, feel free to offer critique, or anything you feel will help improve this piece! : )

My Review

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Featured Review

I love the cloudy images -- that stanza in particular is striking. The feeling of falling in love with a moody person, and the speaker is the calm anchor ...

one minor thing, I am sure it is just a typo or pesky auto-correct, but its journey does not require an apostrophe, unless there is something in that sentence I am missing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

8 Years Ago

That you've again blessed one of my pieces, KL … how very happy this makes me feel!
Then, t.. read more



Reviews

Exquisite write. This is really very beautiful

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

8 Years Ago

Thank you ever-so warmly, Zahra!
The inspiration and encouragement from your praise and expre.. read more
Zahra

8 Years Ago

:) .......
beautiful write,loved the image

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

8 Years Ago

····⁓🍀⁓····
Richard🖌

8 Years Ago

Thanks for the read, Ron, the compliment, and for loving the picture image(?), mental, emotional, sp.. read more
"Wispy dreamlike, drifting-off" very accurately describes this piece. The first stanza sets the tone and eases into the meat of the poem. Throughout the reading, I formed my own picture in my head of the scenes. The final stanza instilled in me both a feeling of comfort and melancholy, with the "rise up into your arms" having me conjure feelings of holding a loved one--very well done.

I could compare the emotions I had while reading this to be comparable to sitting on a raft in the summer; I found myself drifting in the words and letting them gently pull me along, being transfixed the whole time. It was like I wasn't reading the poem but was a part of it. "The River, the Clouds, and Us was obviously a great title.

I've never been particularly fond of love poems, but this was very well written, so I can look past my bias.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

8 Years Ago

My sincere and grateful thanks, Clifford! : )
Ya know?
It is a seemingly endless sour.. read more
I like this poem; it was, as your author's note would suggest "wispy" and "dreamlike." It was like I felt myself become more and more weary with each word, just relaxing letting the poem take its course. I like it when a poem creates that effect. Your fine choice in the visual presentation really helped to enhance the poem's mood too.

If I may critique, I felt like the "I listened" in the first line of the second stanza was unnecessary because you had already stated that you were "listening" in the first stanza. I would've written the first line as follows: ...imagining. I don't think that would be grammatically correct, but I think it would create the effect a lot better.

Other than that, there's nothing else I can say. Nice job.

-William Liston



Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

8 Years Ago

Splendid review, William, as you are apt to gift … deep and articulate enough to be able to! : )<.. read more
William Liston

8 Years Ago

I liked the way you reworded it. I like how you used the purpose of my suggestion without actually u.. read more
Richard&#128396;

8 Years Ago

You suggested "imagining", but it was already in the second verse, so we'd have been back where we s.. read more
Amazing use of words and thoughts Richard.
"then, there's me … I'm like the river,
soaking you in, feeding on you,
determined to face any challenge
to get back to the sea...."
I liked and I understood the above lines. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard&#128396;

8 Years Ago

Nice passage you've singled-out, John … one of my favorites in this piece, too
How happy an.. read more
Coyote Poetry

8 Years Ago

You did very well and you are welcome.
I did find this poem quite peaceful and wonderful! Although I had a hard time reading the words because it is light, but I guess it adds to the dreamlike state to the poem because the wispy smoke is also silver.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard&#128396;

8 Years Ago

Hi, GG!

I darkened the font a bit for you … hope it helps.
You are right, th.. read more
GalaxyGhost

8 Years Ago

You are so welcome! I honestly love your style of writing as you are one of my favorite writers here.. read more
Richard&#128396;

8 Years Ago

"BLUSH!"⁓*
This is a Masterfully penned piece of work Sir.

The tender, sad, yet beautiful words that you have shared takes the reader by the hand and leads them to sit next to you by the River allowing us to soak in the anguish you were feeling at the time of this writing. It tells of the reality in life that many of us can relate to.

A brilliant piece of Poetry - both in writing & presentation.

Wishing the best of days to you Sir. 🌺 Angel🙏


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Angelheart1

8 Years Ago

I did not mind the rain at all for I was wrapped in the warmth of your luscious words Sir. I truly .. read more
Richard&#128396;

8 Years Ago

"Sighhh!"⁓*
Angelheart1

8 Years Ago

Even your "sighhh" is beautifully shared and presented! 😇

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3489 Views
67 Reviews
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Added on June 29, 2016
Last Updated on December 23, 2023

Author

Richard&#128396;
Richard🖌

USA, TX



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