The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

Free Verse

Author's Note

Picture: compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Something set me into a wispy, dreamlike, drifting-off mood.

Please, feel free to offer critique, or anything you feel will help improve this piece! : )

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

I love the cloudy images -- that stanza in particular is striking. The feeling of falling in love with a moody person, and the speaker is the calm anchor ...

one minor thing, I am sure it is just a typo or pesky auto-correct, but its journey does not require an apostrophe, unless there is something in that sentence I am missing.

[Richard🖌]

That you've again blessed one of my pieces, KL … how very happy this makes me feel!
Then, that you love anything about this piece and find it striking, is reward beyond any I could have expected.
I like the wording of your interpretation, too … "speaker", "calm anchor".

About the recent "rogue apostrophe" typos: It is like when one uses loose for lose, their for they're, sell for sale … you know we know better, but get into too big a hurry, concentrating on what we're into, to catch all the wee details, even when we go back through trying to, but not to worry, someone with a keen eye who cares will come along and lend a helping hand, like you always do thank you sincerely, KL! : )

You've left a nice, helpful, and gracious review … warmly appreciated! ⁓ Richard

[Titilayo Sarah Eguridu]

I could barely separate the transition between the river and the cloud to
the couple.
In my head the couple, the river and cloud had become one.
I sniff a lovers’ tiff as peace, solitude and reflection halted abruptly.
She rained on your parade!
The impulsive temperamental cloud and the strong ,silent, resilient and faithful river.
What a brilliant way to mesh nature and human temperaments.
This is a priceless piece, It felt like a play within a play.

Thank you for sharing Richard.
I quite enjoyed reading it.

[Snow_]

A perfect metaphor between the clouds and a girl and boy...This made me think...I need to work on my metaphors...Thanks a lot....The choice of words...Gives something so calming....As if the girl was calm when saying it...Giving complexities to the story...I love poetry that makes me read it over and over....I love this a lot I am very thankful

[William Michael Reeves]

I like the cycle of evaporating emotion and thought. Brought to mind the water cycle and how every drop of water has always been here. Like energy, cannot be created or destroyed. And like love, so powerful and fragile. Fluid thoughts Richard that quenched my thirst.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, William, ever-so gratefully 🤜✫🤛

I think the technique of blending Nature with emotion, feeling, and thought, combined with the metaphorical imagery of colors, hues, and textures, unlocks an endless trove of poetical treasures.
Your insightful commentary assures an olde bard his humble efforts haven't been for naught.

Happy early Autumn!⁓ Richard 🍂

[W. Barrett Munn]

Richard, what do you think of stripping out lines 11 and 12 and starting that stanza at “I “?
Winston

[Richard🖌]

I think it makes zero sense, Winston.

For what purpose would you want to strip out those two introductory lines that change the mood in V3 and turns the poem from the imagery of human imagination consorting with Nature in V1 and V2 to human emotion in V3 and beyond?
What I do think would improve this piece is to take out a number of the moot ellipsis.

I'm not quite certain your comments are meant to be constructive, Sir.

[W. Barrett Munn]

I believe the mood changes with the action, not with the telling of what the action will be. That’s one person’s opinion, meant to stimulate discussion. If you prefer I don’t comment I have no problem with that and will honor your request. Best to you and yours.
Winston

[Richard🖌]

I think you have some very odd ideas about poetry, as a'judged by what you've said to me in reviews and messages, and by what others have shared with me from you.
Something about your poetic agenda seems off key in general.
For instance, this is a damned good Free Verse piece, but you offered nothing in the way of relating to it or even an explanation of why you'd want to strip two well struck, thought-provoking lines that, in essence, serve as a turn or volta.
Certainly, I could go in and strip away half of the poem and it would still function … then, where would the poetic voice and emotional timbre be, the nuance and moment?
If you feel the need to eliminate all but the bare bones, poetry will (in my mind's-eye) turn quite abrupt and curt … hey, but that's just me!
I'm not at all averse to constructive critique, but it can become quite onerous when one so often attempts to press their style and philosophy onto others.
If there's something really wrong with my efforts, please, help me sort it, but be sure you know what you're talking about AFTER reading and fully understanding what form others' poems are composed and what their motives are in writing it that way before doing so.
We're all different, and because we express something differently than you do does not make it wrong, weak, or less effective.
I've read your writing and could offer much in the way of constructive critique that would make your work far more masterful, but I strongly sense it would waste both our time, and this may well be how you feel about me an my poetry.

Somewhere and somehow there's a balance … I've just not found it, yet, with you and I.
If your aim sincerely was to stimulate discussion, you sure went about it in a rather "stick-in-your-eye" blunt way … still, you got me yakking … LOL!

[W. Barrett Munn]

Most likely it’s best to go our own ways with good wishes as far as public responses. However, I always value opposition judgment even if I can’t agree with it. I am not so arrogant to think I know, but I study incessantly and will pass along freely what I have discovered. I’ve learned that most people here are defensive and have not been hardened by submission/rejection in the literary world and that is fine. I now offer advice through mail messages and only those whom I perceive willing do I offer public (comment) critiques. I apologize for reading you incorrectly and I urge you to critique me privately if you wish and I shall do the same if I see something I would like clarified

[Richard🖌]

I think your first sentence is best.
You've really nothing to offer I can appreciate, nor can use or am interested in.
Poetically and philosophically, we seem to be in dysfunctionally contrasting worlds.

C'est la vie!

[Ken e Bujold]

thanks for the suggestion to read this lovely poem Richard. Really enjoyed the journey. great image of bullying clouds

Ken e

[Richard🖌]

Thanks for the read, Ken, and your compliment … glad you enjoyed it. RJ

[Lisasview]

Another wonderful~inspiring poem...Full of metaphors...
"hoping to hear what the moments held"..No two are exactly the same..Dark clouds and white clouds.. great metaphors for all of us.. Moody and not...and dealing with whatever the one you love is...not easy..
Sitting in nature, especially by the sound of the river can be so rewarding....I feel it brings us back to ourselves..
I could be wrong and excuse me if I am, but it feels as though in the poem the writer has gone off to ponder his relationship...perhaps a disagreement? Trying to understand his loves moody nature... The line ....determined to face any challenge and get back to the sea.. Tells me he will never give up on his love for this person...
I love, love, love this poem Richard..
Lisa

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Lady Lisa 🌨

I'm overjoyed that you've strolled back through my portfolio, coming across this little token to yearning thirst for a more congenial relationship, that does not ebb and flow with every passing moment.
Your interpretation speaks with the knowing voice of experience, understanding, and insight that few who've read this piece have shared.

And, I love-love-love your review, Lisa ⁓ Richard🖌

[Lisasview]

Hi Richard,
I see that you say this has been revised...honestly do not know where??? But loved reading it again..
Simply wonderful!!
Lisa

[Richard🖌]

Thank you for reading it again, Lisa.
I didn't say i't been revised, the site said Upgraded because I opened it in Manage Writing to determine if I could align the gray borders, but it would be difficult.

[Lisasview]

Oh, no wonder I could not see a difference..
Lisa, leaving for Tarragona early tomorrow morning

[lightsong]

I was searching for this one wanting to read it again and maybe be inspired...and gosh.. this really tears... still, no one can deny the masterpiece it is. a masterpiece not only with emotions, the most fragile and powerful one inside the being, but also the deep, deep, deep wisdom... outstanding, really outstanding how You mange to give your art like that, and how You deliver your lessons of how to live, how to love... in a special spectacular way that only the hearts can caught it because it's not in the written words but in the feelings and experiences felt while reading, most of all, and I am stunned at myself how I never noticed it my own, I told You I prefer to be a snowflake rather than a star, and same I prefer to be a cloud rather than a star... and your words opened my eyes to new image of this, I guess yes... the star is a star always shining, but I am more like the cloud, changing from being gentle to being harsh, from being completely fragile to be completely powerful... for opening my eyes to this new perspective, I thank You specially. still this is but a master breathtaking diamond.

[Richard🖌]

Ah-so, My Little Ichi-bon (#1) ⛩️

A second bite of the apple, eh?
Well, we both all too well know how very hard it is to resist the deep sweetness we felt at first taste, eh?
On writing abilities, I suppose I've studied and written poetry for so many years it just comes second-nature to me in whatever form my hopeful olde pen wants to dance with.
Yes, you are so like the cloud, ever changing in all ways possible … it is one of your many charms and mysteries to be enjoyed and challenged by; not for everyone, but for the rare special being -- sheer heaven.

Bless you, Dear Ghounwah, for the ever gloriously life-sustaining cloud 🌨️ you truly are. 🌤️
Welcome to 2022, dear poetess sublime! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[lightsong]

You always amaze me how You express "Me" better than I ever could :> maybe after 2449869 years of writing poetry I could do it lol Ichi-bon 😃 Thank You 🤍 to me You a star, always glowing, comforting earth with its soft warming light, of course sometimes it blazes to a SUN 🌞

[lovelymarina]

I loved the personification of the clouds and weather in this piece. It fit the poem really well. While reading this “free verse” style poem, I recognize how important the punctuation and syntax is, without it, the poem wouldn’t strike and intrigue us as much as it does! Of course, the words are amazing, but to keep the reader engaged is to utilize your punctuation for sure… I am now better learning and gaining a complete understanding of the free verse poem. This was lovely to read, and gave me a deep feeling of nostalgia, with a vivid image painted the entire time through. Thank you for sharing…
Marina

[Richard🖌]

Ahhh, Lovely Marina 🌺

Something in your lilting voice you speak beckons to the hopeful bard, lures him into sharing more … harbinger of mysteries yet revealed 'pon each new step?
How blissfully quick you observe and learn, and what an encouraging promise it foretells in validating and meeting the potential I see in You.

You've stepped upon the page, Marina, and swept so smoothly into my deeply appreciative senses … how can I thank you enough for such pleasure?
Gratefully yours. ⁓ Richard 🍃

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Wow I wish my man was as calm as the way you portray here for I'm as calm as the calmest sea but my man is like your moody partner 'ready to dampen everything at the slightest provocation ' like you say in this wry dreamy awesome creatively expressed poem. Kudos!!!
I don't think I would be able to come online for a few weeks so if I don't respond and write further you will know why, dear great poet!

[Richard🖌]

Ahhh, Lovely Lady Zaynab 😌

"For a few weeks," you say?
You surely shall be missed by Me, and many others of your fans and admirers, I would think.
Oh-MY! You called me, "dear great poet!" From such a splendidly-skilled, intelligent artist, I'm warmly a'blush.😊
"I wish my man was as calm as the way you portray here" Wouldn't it be wonderful, Dear Zaynab, if we each had found a blissfully harmonious mate, in-tine with our spiritual, mental, emotional, and sensual natures … how beautiful and full life would be, eh?
Thank you for such lovely encouraging praise, compliment, and expressed appreciation in "Kudos!!!" I'm so very grateful, too, you've let me know (through your understanding) how we've connected through this deeply yearning poem.

With my warmest "Thank You" hug!"
Come back soon, Zaynab ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Patricia]

this is lovely, I love nature and love entwined. Nature is one of the greatest muses out there. You write very well and pull me into your world.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you ever-so warmly, Dear Patricia🌦

For such a beautiful review.
The timbre of your gentle praise and gracious compliment, combined with how well you relate through voice and feeling, catches a bard's breath and skips his hopeful heart a softly swooning beat.

What more could one ask for than knowing their earnest poetic efforts pulled you into my world … where you're always welcome! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Patricia]

Oh, you are such a charmer! I, of course, will come to visit

[Richard🖌]

I'll leave a light on 🔆