Feeling a rush surge every vein …
thin, ghostly visions terrified
that might-near drove my mind insane;
upon bare knees I fell and cried!
Ribbon of darkness overcame;
something was missing in my life,
From far away called soft my name;
it said, “I’ll be your lovely wife.” Then, all the world began to glow
bright colors in a rainbow sky.
Relief was such she loved me so,
I did not think to ask her, “Why?”
A lovely poem Richard, incorporating effective and imaginative metaphors alongside the flow, rhymes and general picture that's painted by your words, making it a poem that carries the reader through key ideas, building to create a creative expression of thought. There are a few great points I could mention, but one stands out more than the others for me: 'Relief was such she loved me so, I did not think to ask her, “Why?”' When you're so caught up in the 'high' of your emotions, you don't stop to question them or the reason behind them for fear they might diminish or cease.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Hi, Ross!
Thank you ever-so kindly and gratefully, my fine friend, for gifting your inspiring.. read moreHi, Ross!
Thank you ever-so kindly and gratefully, my fine friend, for gifting your inspiring and praising review to this unusually original piece made for a contest.
It is a true pleasure to read your take on this piece, to see how much real-life value and meaning you are able to glean from such a fantasy, but it is there, nonetheless, or you'd not perceive it as you have. This speaks more to the depth of your insights, than to my poetic adeptness.
I have enjoyed your interpretation of the final two lines, and how you carried it past the obvious, on into his conscience motives of "why" he did not ask … again, emphasizing your depth of insight.
Thank you, again, Dear Ross, for a stellar and rewarding review! ⁓ Richard
You're most welcome Richard. I believe that reading other peoples poetry and seeing what you can inf.. read moreYou're most welcome Richard. I believe that reading other peoples poetry and seeing what you can infer from it, both shallow and deeper meanings, helps one to improve their own work.
8 Years Ago
You've a fine, open mind and attitude, Ross … both will take you a long way in this world.
.. read moreYou've a fine, open mind and attitude, Ross … both will take you a long way in this world.
Much happiness to you! ⁓ RJ
8 Years Ago
I do try Richard to keep an open mind and attitude in all aspects of my life. I hope it will benefit.. read moreI do try Richard to keep an open mind and attitude in all aspects of my life. I hope it will benefit me and help me achieve my aspirations in life. Thank you for the compliment. Much happiness to you too!
Love the way you wove the noted words into this Lovely Poem !!
Jazzy
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
Goodness, Dear Jasmine!
And, how on earth did your lovely words escape my appreciative eye fo.. read moreGoodness, Dear Jasmine!
And, how on earth did your lovely words escape my appreciative eye for sooo long?
Still, your comments are as fresh as the cool Autumn breeze … big HUG of thanks! ⁓ Richard 🍃
A cleverly and sensitively constructed poem that makes the most effective use of the obligatory words. Not an easy feat to achieve. I loved the "unquestioning " acceptance of the proposal in the final line.
What's that expression? -- Carpe diem.
Hi, Norman! : )
How nice to see you this sunny morn, My Friend.
Seems you've gotten t.. read moreHi, Norman! : )
How nice to see you this sunny morn, My Friend.
Seems you've gotten the gist of this little effort just right, and you're certainly correct about the difficulty composing in a natural manner when (seemingly) confining words are preset.
For this piece (and it is different every time), I read the words through, let the feel for what they're saying to me have their own way, allow my mind do as it wants, and was amazed at the tale that began to form from imagination.
Once the atmosphere was set and began taking shape, next came the kind of poetical form seemed to best convey the growing imagery, and from that point — it simply appeared on the page!
Believe me, over the years, I've tried these challenges every way I know how, and still have no real system … LOL!
Thank you, Norman, for loving anything about this humble little effort.
Many blessings of joyfilled happiness for your day! ⁓ Richard
8 Years Ago
I think you have already proved that you don't need a system,Richard ....just an instinct read moreI think you have already proved that you don't need a system,Richard ....just an instinct
It is always amazing to see how word challenges can bring forth so many different expressions of poetry. This does not disappoint , and the presentation makes me stop to take in colors and the feeling of the page before reading. Beautiful and uplifting...inspiring actually.
You have got me thinking here about how we can torment ourselves with memories of our faults, mistakes, lost loves, etc. to the point of thinking ourselves to be unlovable. Your title has the parenthetical (fear of love) which I find so intriguing. The fear perhaps, not so much of love that we need and desire, but of the fear itself that we may be unlovable. Indeed a special read for me...taking my mind down some weed tangled bunny trails of memory that your penned words could not have known about.
Claire,
There is something about You … something that reaches inside, touching, caressing, .. read moreClaire,
There is something about You … something that reaches inside, touching, caressing, conveying honestly and sweetly your true nature. So very rare and special you are, and so truly blessed I feel to receive the attention, bright joy, deep appreciation, with wise and knowing insight and uncanny understandings … then, sheer emotional feelings dance all through your words.
No one I know of is as open and real as you are when you speak … so uninhibited and willing to simply be the genuine person you are … you make me feel it in my bones, and I like it a lot! : )
Anyway, you're probably thinking me daft to be so exuberant, but that which you say stirs me, makes me feel … um, excited!
Everything about your take on this piece is spot-on, except you'll never convince me you are not deserving of love.
Thank you ever-so warmly and sincerely, Dear Poetess … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard
8 Years Ago
You are very kind and I thank you for this. Life is a struggle to remain true to who we are - warts .. read moreYou are very kind and I thank you for this. Life is a struggle to remain true to who we are - warts and all...but so worth it. Thanks.
8 Years Ago
Thank you for considering my motives "kind", Claire … though, kindness falls short from where the .. read moreThank you for considering my motives "kind", Claire … though, kindness falls short from where the meaning in my words was derived. Thank you for, too, for staying true to You! : )
A lovely poem Richard, incorporating effective and imaginative metaphors alongside the flow, rhymes and general picture that's painted by your words, making it a poem that carries the reader through key ideas, building to create a creative expression of thought. There are a few great points I could mention, but one stands out more than the others for me: 'Relief was such she loved me so, I did not think to ask her, “Why?”' When you're so caught up in the 'high' of your emotions, you don't stop to question them or the reason behind them for fear they might diminish or cease.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Hi, Ross!
Thank you ever-so kindly and gratefully, my fine friend, for gifting your inspiring.. read moreHi, Ross!
Thank you ever-so kindly and gratefully, my fine friend, for gifting your inspiring and praising review to this unusually original piece made for a contest.
It is a true pleasure to read your take on this piece, to see how much real-life value and meaning you are able to glean from such a fantasy, but it is there, nonetheless, or you'd not perceive it as you have. This speaks more to the depth of your insights, than to my poetic adeptness.
I have enjoyed your interpretation of the final two lines, and how you carried it past the obvious, on into his conscience motives of "why" he did not ask … again, emphasizing your depth of insight.
Thank you, again, Dear Ross, for a stellar and rewarding review! ⁓ Richard
You're most welcome Richard. I believe that reading other peoples poetry and seeing what you can inf.. read moreYou're most welcome Richard. I believe that reading other peoples poetry and seeing what you can infer from it, both shallow and deeper meanings, helps one to improve their own work.
8 Years Ago
You've a fine, open mind and attitude, Ross … both will take you a long way in this world.
.. read moreYou've a fine, open mind and attitude, Ross … both will take you a long way in this world.
Much happiness to you! ⁓ RJ
8 Years Ago
I do try Richard to keep an open mind and attitude in all aspects of my life. I hope it will benefit.. read moreI do try Richard to keep an open mind and attitude in all aspects of my life. I hope it will benefit me and help me achieve my aspirations in life. Thank you for the compliment. Much happiness to you too!
You used the words so amazingly to fashion breathtaking poetry, inspiring me so much, I am posting a poem using these words. (Not entering the contest) Thanks for the great inspiration and motivation.
Thank you, Dear Divya!
You are more than welcome, M'Lady, as I warmly thank you most profusel.. read moreThank you, Dear Divya!
You are more than welcome, M'Lady, as I warmly thank you most profusely for yours laid upon me.
Your expressions of praise and appreciation truly have blessed and gratified my efforts to compose and share my skills with fellow-poets and poetesses, in hopes they will enjoy them as much as I did in creating this challenging little piece.
I will look for your poem using the preset words, but you must promise to enter the contest, too … warmest smiles 'n hugs to you, Lady Divya! ⁓ Richard
8 Years Ago
You are such a kind and sweet friend Richard...Thank you from the very depths of my heart.
8 Years Ago
My kindness and sweetness are drawn forth and inspired from the beauty of your own, Divya!
Mu.. read moreMy kindness and sweetness are drawn forth and inspired from the beauty of your own, Divya!
Much love to You, Little Poetess! ⁓ RJ