there.... (first time)

Free Verse

there....

                it still can

                be seen in a heart

                two initials

                carved carefully

                into the bark

                fourteen years

                two months

                nine days ago

                come midnight

                her young slender

                fingers guided him

                there....

                into

                his first glimpse

                of heaven.

                Richard W. Jenkins

                                  ©2016

                                 1st Place Winner

                                       

                             First Experience

                                     Contest

Author's Note

Photo by Shutterstock

Any well-meant, constructive help will be gratefully welcomed! : )

Reviews

[heavenscentgirl1]

Reading your words had me right "there" as I read this sweetly sensual little piece of heaven.

I loved everything about it, the descriptive words you've chosen, the easy to read layout and that gorgeous picture makes this an exquisite piece of artistry. Well done Richard!

Blessings, 🙏
~ mj

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Mary Jo,
Your lovely words of appreciation, enjoyment, and understanding tenderness in nostalgic embrace, truly gratify my humble efforts in composing and sharing this sweet little piece from my fertile imagination, hopefully, many will relate to and imagine from their own first experience.

Hugs 'n warmest blessings! ⁓ Richard : )

[Gabrielle Esposito]

Richard,
This is perhaps the only time I'll disagree with you. I think this is a very good poem that is powerful given you wrote this in less than 20 lines. I especially love the fact that you left all of the letters lowercase. That was a great stylistic choice, possibly hinting at the couple's youth? I'm not sure, but that is what I saw it as. Once again you have captured an innocent and beautiful snapshot of life. The details given like the "two initials" allows the reader to connect with the couple because we have all had that moment of where we have seen such an image. Wonderful work.

[Richard🖌]

Aw, Gabi … our first disagreement. : )-

Your depth of insight and the beauty in which your mind works is enthralling to enjoy, from your acute delving into the nuances of this economically-blessed Free Verse.
However you do it, I'm quite amazed and grateful to be on the receiving end.

Naked from lack of proper grammar is (to say the least) rare for me, but your intuitive take on it makes me sure it was the correct tact to take for this particular piece … you've missed none of the details and inferences as i meant them to be, and that is another rarity, indeed.

Hugs 'n blessings of warmest thanks to you, Dear Poetess! ⁓ Richard

[David Scott]

I really enjoyed the honest innocent presentation. I can imagine how many people identify with this...
Well done Richard.

[Richard🖌]

Hi, David!
Thank you, My Fine friend, for finding favor in this brief effort, and surely for your always welcome praise.
I feel a sense of reward to have a poet of your caliber review this one for me! ⁓ Richard

[Rachael Lea]

This is very sweet. It tugs on heart strings. As for your note I am unsure as to how you could make it better unless you lengthened the last stanza but even then I wouldn't know where to begin. Maybe a little bit more description. Honestly though, I like it just the way that it is. I know though as a writer you will play with it until you like it and transform this beautiful poem into something epic.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Rachael,
Your words warmly assure this worn olde pen has not strayed too far afield that readers will be unable to appreciate and relate in some meaningful manner with my earnest, hopeful scratchings.
That you are open and honest in how it touched and effected your feelings and emotions let's me know we've connected, too, and that is more welcome gratification than I could have expected, but I'm keeping it.
I like your thoughtful suggestions, and will refer back to them while working on this wee bit of Free Verse.
You've been wonderful, Rachael … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

[JayceeC]

Love that this is so simple yet it pulls at the emotions through nostalgia. It tells of innocence and live unspoiled, whether it's in reality or just the memory that stays pure, it's what we look for and long for--a love that touches us to the point that the time and date is etched in our minds for all time.
A wonderful piece that almost didn't feel like reading free verse.

[Richard🖌]

Yes, Dear Jan,
I agree, it is not much of a Free Verse … it needs something, I'm sure of it.
What I love about your reviews is how you always seems to grasp what I'm saying, as though you've been inside me, or vice versa … a evocative thought, but one I like.
Your praise always has a warm sincerity, too, that spurs inspiration and imagination to keep ready for whatever shall come next to my rusty olde pen.
You noted, I am sure, the rare (for me) lack of proper capitalization and punctuation. Someone mentioned that it "possible hinted at the couples' youth", and I like that scenario, but to be honest, Jan, it is one of the very few pieces I think it befits.
It is, isn't it, what we look for and long for … thank you warmly for all, M'Lady! ⁓ Richard

[JayceeC]

I think maybe something less word for an opening like "Etched for eternity/ in the heart" when I first read it the whole long date threw me a bit, but I decided that it emphasized the strength of the connection.

[Richard🖌]

Gosh, I love it, Jan,
You always come-up with the best stuff!
Only thing: It seems a bit eloquent for this simple verse,and I really tried to imagine it fitting.
Can I keep it, Hon, for a new poem it has inspired? : )

[JayceeC]

I see that point too. As I put in the initial review there is a things of innocence, almost naivete to the voice of this. As for inspiration, if you've found some in these words, tale it and run! :-)