Softly ~ in my dreams... (loneliness)

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Softly ~ in my dreams...

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Days turn to pain I cannot show,
nights into ever-endless streams.
Reaching to find I'm lonely; though,
I’ll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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My days, now empty without you,
to nights, no peace will come, it seems;
your touch I ache the long night through,
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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Where's gone your shelter for my storm,
what of love spent ... in lifetime schemes,
when all turns cold, who'll keep me warm?
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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Who'll grasp the beauty of my mind;
then, thrill my body to extremes,
or take my hand when I am blind?
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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When scared, no one to hold me tight.
Oh, I shall know what life redeems ...
when all else dims, you'll be my light.
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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Richard W. Jenkins
©2015

1st Place Winner

FanStory International

Kyrielle Contest

                                 Kyrielle                               

The Kyrielle is a French form written in Quatrain verses.
Each Quatrain contains a repeated final line or phrase as a refrain.
There is no limit to the number of verses, but three is the required minimum.
Normal rhyme structure is a/a/b/B, c/c/b/B, d/d/b/B, etc; with B being the refrain line.
Alternate structure is a/b/a/B, c/b/c/B, d/b/d/B, etc; with B being the refrain or repeated line.
Mine is in iambic meter, composed of eight syllables (4 feet) per line, but line length is author's choice.

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Author's Note

Painting: "Lonely" in oils, by Sergei Chepik
If you would like to try this beautifully expressive form and need help, just let me know.
It can be used for any emotion, mood, or topic.

Constructive (well meant) comments and criticism are always welcome! : )

Reviews

[June bug]

Where's gone your shelter for my storm,
what of love spent ... in lifetime schemes,
when all turns cold, who'll keep me warm?
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.

WOW!! I love this part, this is a wonderful write. I like your image you used as well
very nicely written

[Richard🖌]

Hi, JB 🐞

With such an effulgent review as yours, why would I want another? And, that you love anything about my humble poetry, think it's wonderful, and nicely written certainly sets the page warmly aglow.

Thank you you ever-so gratefully for gifting a smile! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Muse]

I love it when a writer takes it to the next level. The extra work you spent on presentation was well noted. And to educate the less seasoned writers on structure is also admired. Now lets go back to the poem...ache, I think many of us can relate to that familiar ache. When we loath the day...and we can only find peace in dreams. Where love is pain, and in that same love we find refuge. Once more all I can say is "ache" beautiful words. Thank you so much for sharing.

[Richard🖌]

Beautifully spake, Dear Lady-Poet! : )
Brightly conscious, your words express a far deeper grasp of my motives and desires than most discern, or divulge, if they do … to know they are admired is gratification beyond expectation … thank you sincerely.
Then, there is the manner in which the poem involves your feelings, emotions, and thoughts that truly bless a bard's efforts to share, touch, and please his readers … again, I am most thankful.

It has been my distinct pleasure, and I warmly thank you, as-well ⁓ Richard

[Muse]

It was honestly my pleasure to read you. Have you every thought about creating your own syllable count to experiment with? I've done it a few times and it's so much fun. Maybe it's because I don't like to follow rules. But if they are my own...I'm good to follow. For example: I'll do a layout of how many syllables are in each stanza

5

3

5

3


sometimes I'll create a rhyme rule where certain stanza's must rhyme...sometimes not. Sounds a little weird I know, but it's how I break out of the box but still find a little structure.

[Richard🖌]

You're fun to share with, Beth ; )
I very much like your rhyme scheme, and might give it a whirl.
I’ve created eleven original forms that have become widely recognized and used throughout the poetry world.
Here’s one you might enjoy: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/RichardJ/1754455/

[Bec]

Feel like I'm dreaming myself right now.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Bec,
It is nice to know my work has had this effect on you.

Blessings! ⁓ Richard

[Great Aunt Astri]

I read this to my poetry group, yesterday. They were all impressed. You might have made some new fans!
I would likeyour help on writing a Kyrielle on the subject of 'acceptance' There are still things in my life that I need to 'accept' before I can put them in a cubby hole of my mind to rest easy.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Astri, for considering my work good enough to share with your group … I am deeply honored.
It will be my pleasure to help you with the Kyrielle form … just let me know when you're ready to begin, and I'll be sure to find the time for you.

[Great Aunt Astri]

perhaps if I just post it up( when I've had athinkaboutit) you could post up some helpful comments in your review. But , please remind me, is iambic de-dum or dum-de?

[Richard🖌]

As you wish.
Eight syllables (or 4-poetic feet) Iambic is:
deDUM deDUM deDUM deDum

[Great Aunt Astri]

Got it! And the last word of the refrain has to be able to rhyme unaffectedly with quite a lot? I think I will message you my first attempt.

[Great Aunt Astri]

message would not go through. So here is my attempt at the first verse;-
'Some things were hard once to accept,
Those words that hurt and brought us fear
With head ablaze and deep regret.
Now, memory, lie gently here.
Please message me back, to help write the rest.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Kyrielle ... what a very complicated form. However did you manage to write such a deep poem with such an evocative, yet simple, ambience? I suppose it is the repeated refrain that holds it together so well.

[Richard🖌]

I suppose most anything that is new can appear to be complicated, but once learning it and actually composing in this form, it becomes easier and more enjoyable, and the end result is worth every effort one makes to get it juuust right!
Yes, the "refrain" is certainly paramount in this form's essence, as it sets the tone and (as you say) the "ambience".

Thank you, Dear Lady-Poet, for selecting this piece to read and review, and most definitely for your inspiring and gratifying praise and expressed enjoyment … hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[KT-B]

Such a touching piece of writing, it broke my heart and sums up beautifully the heartache of love lost...beautiful painting compliments this work so well.

[Richard🖌]

Again, KT,
You grace my pages with your special touch of inspiring loveliness!
That my efforts effect your emotional and appreciative senses so deeply and sincerely, makes my heart and olde pen dance with wondrous elation!
You take on this poignant piece let's me know how deeply we've connected,,and what more could a bard wish for … big hug of thanks, KT! ⁓ Richard : )

[KT-B]

I'm glad - thank you - it was my pleasure truly :)

[Kimiko Watson]

I love this piece the use of imagery is so profound. The tone of this poem evokes ones deepest emotions. You are a great writer.

[Richard🖌]

(my first comment didn't take?)
How beautifully, Kimiko, your words reach in to speak gently and appreciatively, with a touch my heart feels.
Your welcome and inspiring compliment and grasp of this poem's essence both humble and gratify my earnest efforts to write for my reader's pleasure and fulfillment … my brightest blessing of thanks! ⁓ Richard : )

[Kimiko Watson]

You are welcome :)

[Michael G. Smith]

This a very touching piece especially because I'm thousands of miles away from my each week for the lass ten years. So here you have conveyed the sentiment of my often thoughts and of countless others who have found true love. For this we thank you.

[Angelheart1]

It is I who has returned to "grasp the beauty of your mind" and again delve into this beautifully written but sad piece of poetry. A very lovely but heartbreaking piece you have again shared my dear Sir. 🌹 Angelheart

[Richard🖌]

Thank you Angel, ever-so dearly.
The warmth and expressed appreciation and enjoyment in your beautiful words are the sweet gratification an olde bard longs for … huge to you! ⁓ Richard : )

[Richard🖌]

Er, "hugs" to you! ; )

[APOORVA]

Days turn to pain I cannot show,
nights into ever-endless streams.
Reaching to find I'm lonely; though,
I’ll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
WHAT AN AMAZING START. EXTREMELY TOUCHING, DEEP AND VIRILE.


Where's gone your shelter for my storm,
what of love spent ... in lifetime schemes,
when all turns cold, who'll keep me warm?
THIS IS OUT OF THE WORLD.
I CAN'T EXPRESS IN WORDS, REVIEW WON'T BE ENOUGH TO TELL YOU HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU HAVE WRITTEN