Softly ~ in my dreams... (loneliness)

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Softly ~ in my dreams...

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Days turn to pain I cannot show,
nights into ever-endless streams.
Reaching to find I'm lonely; though,
I’ll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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My days, now empty without you,
to nights, no peace will come, it seems;
your touch I ache the long night through,
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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Where's gone your shelter for my storm,
what of love spent ... in lifetime schemes,
when all turns cold, who'll keep me warm?
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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Who'll grasp the beauty of my mind;
then, thrill my body to extremes,
or take my hand when I am blind?
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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When scared, no one to hold me tight.
Oh, I shall know what life redeems ...
when all else dims, you'll be my light.
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
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Richard W. Jenkins
©2015

1st Place Winner

FanStory International

Kyrielle Contest

                                 Kyrielle                               

The Kyrielle is a French form written in Quatrain verses.
Each Quatrain contains a repeated final line or phrase as a refrain.
There is no limit to the number of verses, but three is the required minimum.
Normal rhyme structure is a/a/b/B, c/c/b/B, d/d/b/B, etc; with B being the refrain line.
Alternate structure is a/b/a/B, c/b/c/B, d/b/d/B, etc; with B being the refrain or repeated line.
Mine is in iambic meter, composed of eight syllables (4 feet) per line, but line length is author's choice.

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Author's Note

Painting: "Lonely" in oils, by Sergei Chepik
If you would like to try this beautifully expressive form and need help, just let me know.
It can be used for any emotion, mood, or topic.

Constructive (well meant) comments and criticism are always welcome! : )

Reviews

[June bug]

Where's gone your shelter for my storm,
what of love spent ... in lifetime schemes,
when all turns cold, who'll keep me warm?
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.

WOW!! I love this part, this is a wonderful write. I like your image you used as well
very nicely written

[Richard🖌]

Hi, JB 🐞

With such an effulgent review as yours, why would I want another? And, that you love anything about my humble poetry, think it's wonderful, and nicely written certainly sets the page warmly aglow.

Thank you you ever-so gratefully for gifting a smile! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

i really enjoyed this piece. sad, but full of gratitude; better to have loved and lost...
there is a person who i hold in my dreams. she has gone away - i know not where. but we shared some time together, and these memories, these dreams give me reason to live.
one can bemoan how unfair the world is, or, write poetry.
reading this has renewed my strength.

[Snow_]

Is this more clearer?

This will makes sense later below in my re-write
plss give chance if it is not so plss read eveyrthing
I love your poem

HOPE YOU READ ALL OF THIS PLSS
If you're very busy skip till the re-write plss

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Reaching, to find I am lonely

I think a pause(,)would be better

(More clearer?)

The days, empty without you

Make it a bit more complex, maybe

No peace will come, it seems
As your touch aches the long night through

(I can not understand this quatrain sorry)
Too deep for me

But maybe

Gone my shelter from the storm
What of love spent- in lifetime schemes

------

About your ending quatrain

when all turns cold, who'll keep me warm?
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.

its probably common but this feels forced

----
Who'll grasp the beauty of my mind
Thrilling my body to the extremes

I think this looks better

(I have no time,,,, Sorry I can make this better i think)

----RE WRITE

Days turns to (a) pain, I cannot show
The nights into ever-endless streams
Reaching, to find (that) I am lonely
Still I'll hold you softly -- in my dreams

The days, empty without you
No peace dares to come, it seems
Her touch, Aches the long night (day) through
Still I'll hold you softly -- in my dreams

Gone my shelter for the storm
All love has spent-- in fates schemes
all turns to cold, now Who'll keep me warm?
Still I'll hold you softly --in my dreams

Who could grasp the beauty of my mind
Thrilling my body to its extremes
Or take my hand when i go blind
Still I'll hold you softly --in my dreams

I am scared, No one to hold me tight
Oh, I shall know that life will redeem
When all else dims, you'll be my light
Still I'll hold you softly --in my dreams

The end might need to be something else
I do not know.... no time....

Let what stays here--- stays in texas
Or something like that


I do not really wish to change anything therefore i had just parenthesis everything for optional stuff

I really do not have time to re-read again byee

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Snow ❄️

I thank you most gratefully for your extensively gracious caring, extensive, and well-meant critique of this rather poignantly laid piece.

There is much you've gifted me to think on, Dear Poetess, which I shall address with you in a message, as this window does not allow the measure of display and explanation required to properly respond to the extent of your thoughtful suggestions.

I am excited to have received such a brilliant and intelligently detailed review … see you soon on your message thread.

Thank you ever-so sincerely, Snow ⁓ Richard🖌

[Snow_]

Care for a review on my poem....I want another critique thanks....it was infinitely better someone critique it...i think he was a professional.. the lost fragment...poem of mine...thanks

[Tumi]

To be honest, this piece is so lovely, each line was so poignant the refrain "in my dreams"
not just only keep the flow intact, it also makes the poem emotional.
I love all lines from beginning till the end.
Who'll grasp the beauty of my mind;
then, thrill my body to extremes,
or take my hand when I am blind?
I'll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams.
the above line is heartfelt. truly compelling to read.

[Richard🖌]

Many thanks, Tumi 😌

That you "love" anything about my humble writing efforts is praise unexpected, but inspiring to an olde bard's hopes to write for an please his readers.

The verse you've highlighted is among my favorites, too … perhaps, at the very heart of this rather poignant piece.

A gracious blessing upon your days, Syr Poet! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Nessa]

Richard,
Your poem “Days Turn to Pain” is a heart’s whisper wrapped in longing. 💔 Each line, a gentle sigh, pulls me into a world where love dances with absence, leaving a haunting ache that lingers.

The refrain “I’ll hold you Softly ~ in my dreams” is pure magic, capturing the tenderness of memory and the solace we seek. ✨ Your words paint a vivid landscape of yearning, where even the darkest nights are softened by dreams of warmth and connection.

I am absolutely in love with your work; it inspires me deeply, and I aspire to write with the same grace and emotion that you do. When you hold those memories softly in your heart, do they feel more real than the moments we miss? 😉 Thank you for sharing your gift. It truly resonates and reminds us all of love’s enduring beauty. 🌹

With admiration- Elnnes

[Richard🖌]

Dear Elnnes 🌺🐝
Every once in a great while appears a review that virtually pirouettes across the page, soughing softly into my heart … yours, in fact.

No one else has discerned the core essence of this poignant effort with quite the eloquently distinct vividness or authenticity you have; nor, weakened a bard's resolve with spellbinding allure, via such irresistibly fervent articulation, as yours herein.

That you "love" anything about my humbly earnest efforts, that they so deeply inspire you, as your emotional grace equally affects my own senses.

"When you hold those memories softly in your heart, do they feel more real than the moments we miss? 😉" This, we'll know in time.

You are ever-so welcome, Dear Elnnes, as I am equally as grateful for You 'n your gracious admiration! ⁓ Richard🥂

[B. Maaitah]

The vibe and feel of each verse is sooo warm and comforting
And the rhyme is so smooth, so effortless, so perfect for this kind of poems
I enjoyed it thoroughly!

[Richard🖌]

Happiness to thee, Dear Lady-Poet 🍃

To receive such graciously laid accolades from the generously gentle hand of one so faire, is, indeed, inspiring to a bard's olde hopeful pen.
May the smile you've spread across my glowingly stirred countenance, shine back upon your day.

Thank you ever-so warmly, Dear B. Maaitah!⁓ Richard 🍂

[Writergurl (Mama's Girl..]

This write is soft and sweet, as well as emotion filled. So very well written.
Much enjoyed this.

[Richard🖌]

Greetings, Dear Poetess 🥀🐝

It is so very nice to have you back with us … you've been missed.
I am so happy you were able to find favor in this poem of softly-laid poignance … thank you for the lovely compliment, too.

"Happy Autumn to Thee!" ⁓ Richard 🍂

[Amy R]

I liked the way you wrote this poem, very sweet yet sad, but very interesting.
Loved the way it rhymes and flows so nicely together.

[Richard🖌]

Ohhh-MY, Amy💥

Do you realize this is the fifth read 'n review in a row you've gifted this hopefully humble bard!"
I'm gobsmacked by all the attention, but grateful beyond words for every nuance of praise, expressed enjoyment, and inspired encouragement you've bestowed.

I cannot thank you enough for sharing with me.
Happy smiles 'n warmest hugs! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Amy R]

Aww, yes, when I enjoy poems,
I can read at least 6-8 in a row. Just know you write great, and I'd be around to review many more.
Again, You're welcome my friend`

[Carola]

a sweet but sad-ish poem.
i read your poem as you would normally,
then re-read each stanza's 2nd line only, & then each 3rd line only.
it was fascinating 'cos it was like reading 3 separate poems.
richard your poetic gymnastics seem limitless! ....wonderful.
cheerio carola

[Richard🖌]

Hi there, Lovely Carola Dear 🎀
I wish you loads of holiday cheer.
May your heart smile soft 'n true,
warmly embraced all season through.

What a lovely review for this rather wistfully forlorn poem.
Ya know, M'Dear? I never thought of taking certain lines from this piece to discern what they would be like, and you're absolutely right: The 2nd lines and third lines of each verse really do make two additional poems. How creative of you to discover this … you're the first I've known to; it makes a more fascinating read for me, too.

Thank you ever-so gratefully for sharing this one with me, Lady Carola, for your wonderful compliment, and for thinking it's wonderful.

My warmest holiday hug for You! ⁓ Richard 😏

[Carola]

hello richard
thank you for your kind reply.
i had another read of your poem, & i forgot to mention the other 'hidden' poem, by reading the 1st line of each stanza.

so you now have 1 regular poem & 3 'hidden' bonus poems making a total of 4 poems in all !! ..... a good result i would say for one writing effort.

richard, i wish you a wonderful festive season with family & friends, a happy new year & a clear blue sky.
cheerio carola

ps. when you can spare the time after your festive season is over, i would be grateful if you could review my memoir "memories of my pacific ocean crossing in an MU-2B....it's about a 1 hours read.