One Desert Night ~ (twilight romance)

One Desert Night ~ (twilight romance)

A Poem by Richard🖌
"

Pantoum

"

                                          One Desert Night ~

                                          One cool, dark night, bright stars above ...
                                          bloom cactus flow’rs o'er moonlit sand.
                                          Soft, soothing, coos the desert dove,
                                          quiet descends 'cross starlit land.

                                          Bloom cactus flow'rs o’er moonlit sand;
                                          coyote's howls, I'm lonesome, too.
                                          Quiet descends 'cross starlit land;
                                         'neath tall saguaro, dreams ensue.

                                          Coyotes’ howls, I'm lonesome, too;
                                          behind my eyes your face takes shape.
                                         'Neath tall saguaro, dreams ensue;
                                          in harmony ~ this world escape.

                                          Behind my eyes your face takes shape;
                                          lips soft like down caress my soul.
                                          In harmony ~ this world escape,
                                          while making-love, flow one and whole.

                                          Lips soft like down caress my soul;
                                          soft, soothing, coos the desert dove ...
                                          while making-love, flow one and whole,
                                          
one cool, dark night, bright stars above.


                                          Richard W. Jenkins
                                                      ©2015

"A Contest Capers Winner"

© 2022 Richard🖌


Author's Note

Richard🖌
"PANTOUM"
The pantoum is a poetic form derived from the Pantun, a Malay verse form: Specifically from the Pantun Berkait, a series of interwoven quatrains from the 15th century, a short folk poem.
The Pantoum is similar to the Villanelle, in that there are repeating refrain lines throughout the poem. It is composed of a series of at least 5 Quatrains in lines of 8 or 10-syllables each; the 2nd and 4th lines of each stanza are repeated as the 1st and 3rd lines of each ensuing stanza, as follows (capitalized letters designate placement of rhymes and repeated refrain lines):

Line 1 - Rhyme A1
Line 2 - Rhyme B1
Line 3 - Rhyme A2
Line 4 - Rhyme B2

Line 5 - Line 2 previous verse B1
Line 6 - Rhyme C1
Line 7 - Line 4 previous verse B2
Line 8 - Rhyme C2

Line 9 - Line 2 previous verse C1
Line 10 - Rhyme D1
Line 11 - Line 4 previous verse C2
Line 12 - Rhyme D2

Line 13 - Line 2 previous verse D1
Line 14 - Rhyme E1
Line 15 - Line 4 previous verse D2
Line 16 - Rhyme E2

Continue the cycle carrying the even lines to the odd of the next stanza for as many stanzas as you wish - though, with a minimum of four stanzas and a final Quatrain, EXCEPT for the last stanza, which is built as follows:

Line 2 of previous stanza E1
Line 3 of FIRST stanza A2
Line 4 of previous stanza E2
Line 1 of FIRST stanza A1

—————————————————————————————

Critical reviews are always welcome! : )

My Review

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Featured Review

You did some editing before I got to this. Wondering what you changed? At first I was distracted by the structure you created then quickly realized the returns stand on their own. Unique. Then I read it not concerned with its form and it is a beautiful poem. Then I read the returns as a separate poem and that was working too. Sort of. Very interesting. You puzzle parameters and pen poetic!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Michael Reeves

2 Years Ago

By returns I meant when you brought the end of the line back to the margin. Felt like those 'ends' .. read more
Richard🖌

2 Years Ago

Concerning "returns":
I just sent a picture of my poem as it appears on my screen.
Richard🖌

2 Years Ago

Bill,

I don't want readers trying to figure out my intent … I want it to be plainly.. read more



Reviews

You did some editing before I got to this. Wondering what you changed? At first I was distracted by the structure you created then quickly realized the returns stand on their own. Unique. Then I read it not concerned with its form and it is a beautiful poem. Then I read the returns as a separate poem and that was working too. Sort of. Very interesting. You puzzle parameters and pen poetic!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Michael Reeves

2 Years Ago

By returns I meant when you brought the end of the line back to the margin. Felt like those 'ends' .. read more
Richard🖌

2 Years Ago

Concerning "returns":
I just sent a picture of my poem as it appears on my screen.
Richard🖌

2 Years Ago

Bill,

I don't want readers trying to figure out my intent … I want it to be plainly.. read more
That is a clever form it reminds me of a prayer, in its tone and the repeating of a single line to reinforce the statements truth in a new light as the motion of the stanzas move ahead in revelation. In my ear it rings of an old prayer. When I read a style of write with repeated lines i'm always weary that my voice would come inauthentic searching for structure and losing message when I think of replicating its form. but I must say in this piece that you pulled it off nicely. in my first read I was interrupted by the sequence thinking my good old cracked mind processing was playing tricks on me:) I never read anyone's remarks about a poem until i write my own review (and often times that includes writers remarks.) So I saved it and came back to it several times. You in particular always give a great deal of thought into your reviews and I shall always do the same for such kindness. The prayers voice in the desert painting creates a lovely mood in the lines flow and creates a sublime picture in this bunny's minds eye and of course you know I'm a rhyme lover!

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

5 Years Ago

Mornin', M'Friend!
What a delightfully replete review you've gifted this little homage to des.. read more
so pleasant to read ... the serenity of a desert night well depicted says i! subtly emotive .. the weave from setting to scene to a lover shows your hard work well done, Richard ... i am not even going to try to "check" the requirements of the form .. it would ruin the mood you created ... a piece to be proud of for sure!
E.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

5 Years Ago

Thank you, Gene,
For reviewing this piece for me, and for sharing your side comments, as-well.. read more
Einstein Noodle

5 Years Ago

i think with your hard work and experience you used the form as a tool as opposed to fitting into th.. read more
Richard🖌

5 Years Ago

Well, as in musical notes, melodies, etc; in poetry there is a form that best befits and expresses t.. read more
A beautiful Pantoum Richard, and i never understand why this form is not more popular among writers of traditional forms.
If i wrote a Villanelle and a Pantoum it would always be the Villanelle that was most read for some reason.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

7 Years Ago

I could not agree with you more, Stella.
I think it perpetuates itself: One reads a one Villa.. read more
Stella Armour

7 Years Ago

(((hugs)))
That is way too complicated for my old senile brain. It doesn't work like it used to! Regardless, it is a lovely write. The imagery is amazing. Made me feel as if I were there. Incredible ink, Mr. Jenkins. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You certainly quicken one's pulse, like the rise and fall of a ferris wheel.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

5 Years Ago

Well, goodness-ME, Dear Kelly!
What could have happened that allowed me to miss one of your h.. read more
It certainly does work very well. The 'short folk poem', with its interesting repetitions, reminds me of music. Like music, it is heard with different senses. I can see you poem, I can hear your poem, I can feel your poem, I can envisage your poem, and even identify with it. Beautiful Pantoum!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

7 Years Ago

Thank you, Dear Astri,
Your lovely words of understanding depth and delightful expressions ar.. read more
Great Aunt Astri

7 Years Ago

I am pleased it ignited the right buttons! Thank you very much for appreciative review.
Richard🖌

7 Years Ago

You're a pleasure, Astri … hugs! ⁓ RJ : )
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
B
Beyond beautiful
i am your fan now

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

7 Years Ago

Thank you ever-so gratefully, Lovely Poetess,
for selecting one of my humble efforts to read .. read more
I really enjoyed this work. This really captured love and connection, spiritually and physically, and the desert imagery provided great backdrop for the story. I haven't seen this form before, but it was a superb vehicle for the content here. Nice work.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard🖌

7 Years Ago

Welcome, Cameron! : )
Yes, this form is one of the earliest classics, very popular worldwide .. read more

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2070 Views
34 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on August 23, 2015
Last Updated on March 7, 2022

Author

Richard🖌
Richard🖌

USA, TX



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