You're the One (a tender plea)

Quatrains in 8-Count

Reviews

[Lisasview]

I have chills and I am crying dearest Richard..
I love everything about this Poem.. I decided to read it today because of the one you are helping me with....8 counts..
Your choice of nature with words like "coloured with love".. all so musical...( played music to my ears....) birds, rainbows, "dash of springs"..and on and on.
I could feel this poem..well, as I said..chills and tears.
Just so amazing.. going back now to read it again..
Lisa

[Richard🖌]

Aw, Lisa Dear🌾

I'm so sorry to make you cry, but I'm thinking your tears and chills are not from sadness or cold.
I'm so very glad you chose this one, Lisa, because it is the epitome of imagery, emotive intent, poetic syntax, metered flow, metaphor, and prosody so important for you to learn on your way to mastering poetry.
Observing and learning design and presentation is not only fun for an artist of your skill level, but for smitten fans, as-well. : )

Thank you truly for reading this for me and commenting with such passion … it means so very much to an olde bard … hugs, Lisa ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Lisasview]

You are so so welcome.. Just read it again..
I aspire to be able to do one of my poems justice..one day..
Yours are so amazing dear Richard.

[Richard🖌]

There's no doubting, Lisa⁓*
That one day you shall … you're well on your way, and already have. : )

[Kelsey Schadt]

I love the lyrical nature of this poem. This reminds me of a lovely poem to read to a child before bedtime. I do think the last line of your third stanza seems out of place with the rest of the poem. If I could offer any advice at all it would be to reconsider that line. All in all I really enjoyed this poem

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Possum … welcome to my poetry!

What inspiring words and praise you've gifted this humble little piece … I enjoy your take on it very much.

You know? I agree with you on that line; have you any suggestion as to how it can be set right? Bear in mind that it is a .jpg, so I'll not be able to change it here, but I certainly will on my original, or if you prefer, you can copy and fool-around with the pasted word version below and show me anything you feel will help me better my craft.

Thank you, my new reader, for a splendid review! ⁓ Richard

⁓ You're the One ⁓
♫♪♬————————-~*⚤*~-————————♬♪♫

For the longest I've been thinking;
not the usual kind of thought,
but of that which speaks of kindness,
and of the sweetheart I have sought.

In this thinking came a notion …
seems that my thinking's been all wrong,
and despite my good intentions,
I've just been singing the wrong song!

So, I've composed a brand new verse;
I sure do hope you'll like it, too,
because it came straight from my heart,
all the way ~ over there to You.

Please, my past sour tunes forgive,
accept this new one with a smile;
it's written with a billion stars,
in the sweetest heavenly style.

For ink, I used the golden sun,
then blended-in the stratosphere …
rainbow's colors for melody,
a dash of springs, spark'ling clear.

Angels on high, hearing my hymn,
came down to bless it with a kiss;
then, all around chorused-in birds,
ne'er such a symphony as this.

Sweet affection, I've sought and found,
beseech me not all I have done …
there is no other fills my heart,
this song of love sings, “You're the One.”

♫♪♬————————-~*⚤*~-————————♬♪♫
Richard W. Jenkins
©2015

[Deeps]

Its a lovely poem.Well written.

[Richard🖌]

Deeps,
I thank you sincerely for taking your time to read this wee romantic piece, and for such inspiring praise! ⁓ Richard

[Deeps]

You are most welcome

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed a sweet refrain of love wafting upon a delicate and richly scented poem, full of lilting emotion and a sweet serenade to someone special. The count is not consistent though as there are several nine and seven beats and one six beat line.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, John, for your enjoyable interpretation and understanding of this little bit of romantic entreaty.
As to the lines out of count, will you please address then for me, as my old eyes have not been able to find them.

Thank you sincerely, My Fine Poet Friend! ⁓ Richard

[John Alexander McFadyen]

May simply be the nuances of dialogue from different parts of the globe Richard. I would send you my interpretation but in the format you post one cannot cut and paste. Not to worry it is a deeply romantic and thoroughly enjoyable poem.

[Richard🖌]

John,
I love these kind of discussions, as I most always learn something.
Here is a workable version for your consideration:


⁓ You're the One ⁓
♫♪♬————————-~*⚤*~-————————♬♪♫

For the longest I've been thinking;
not the usual kind of thought,
but of that which speaks of kindness,
and of the sweetheart I have sought.

In this thinking came a notion …
seems that my thinking's been all wrong,
and despite my good intentions,
I've just been singing the wrong song!

So, I've composed a brand new verse;
I sure do hope you'll like it, too,
because it came straight from my heart,
all the way ~ over there to You.

Please, my past sour tunes forgive,
accept this new one with a smile;
it's written with a billion stars,
in the sweetest heavenly style.

For ink, I used the golden sun,
then blended-in the stratosphere …
rainbow's colors for melody,
a dash of springs, spark'ling clear.

Angels on high, hearing my hymn,
came down to bless it with a kiss;
then, all around chorused-in birds,
ne'er such a symphony as this.

Sweet affection, I've sought and found,
beseech me not all I have done …
there is no other fills my heart,
this song of love sings, “You're the One.”

♫♪♬————————-~*⚤*~-————————♬♪♫
Richard W. Jenkins
©2015

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Richard this is my assessment:
For the longest I've been thinking; (8)
not the usual kind of thought, (7) Usual is two syllables?
but of that which speaks of kindness,(8)
and of the sweetheart I have sought.(8)

In this thinking came a notion …(8)
seems that my thinking's been all wrong,(9)
and despite my good intentions,(8)
I've just been singing the wrong song!(8)

So, I've composed a brand new verse;(8)
I sure do hope you'll like it, too,(8)
because it came straight from my heart,(8)
all the way ~ over there to You.(8)

Please, my past sour tunes forgive,(7)
accept this new one with a smile;(8)
it's written with a billion stars,(8)
in the sweetest heavenly style.(8)

For ink, I used the golden sun,(8)
then blended-in the stratosphere …(8)
rainbow's colors for melody,(8)
a dash of springs, spark'ling clear.(7)

Angels on high, hearing my hymn,(8)
came down to bless it with a kiss;(8)
then, all around chorused-in birds,(8)
ne'er such a symphony as this.(8)

Sweet affection, I've sought and found,(8)
beseech me not all I have done …(8)
there is no other fills my heart,(8)
this song of love sings, “You're the One.”(8)

[Richard🖌]

Yes, I see where the counts in dialect may be taken differently than I've intended, and from that of your Proper English pronunciation … let me address them each in American (Southern) English:

V1L3: not the us-u-al kind of thought,
V2L2: seems that my think-ing's been all wrong,
V4L1: Please, my past sou-r tunes for-give,
V5L4: a dash of springs, spark-l-ing clear. OOPS! Sorry for the apostrophe in the above copy; in the posted version it was removed.

Funny thing, one of my majors is English, but growing-up in the Southern Region of the U.S. (Texas), as it seems common in England, there is a different dialect in speech and pronunciation from other regions (Cockney, for instance, Wales, Scotland, etc.).
Here, there is Massachusetts (Boston [Bahsten], cah for car, etc), California, New York (particularly, the Bronx), New Jersey, Georgia, Alabama, Louisiana, etc; all have their own and far different dialects, diphthongs, monophthongs, triphthong, clips, drawls, barks, lulls, etc; so many they can be quite difficult (if not near impossible) to understand each other in normal conversation, and these (of course) carryover into one's poetic compositions.

No excuses for me, though … I know better, and simply forget to bear it in mind when in the throes of composing poetry.

Thank you, John, for the good eye and honest critique, that admonishes and reminds me to keep a better vigil on my grammar and language usage … it is so each to become slack and drift-off into muse-land, eh?

Many blessing of gratitude to you, My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[Richard🖌]

The penultimate line should read, "it is so 'easy' to become slack" … LOL!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Oh Richard I fail if I set to admonish such a crafted artist as you. I detest the absolute conciliation to the dialogue of most on WC to platitudes.

[Richard🖌]

John, as you well know, we most all appreciate pats on the head and warm fuzzies, but those are poor renumeration, indeed for spilling and sharing our deepest emotions, wisdom, thoughts, fantasies, and dreams, and for our most sincere and diligent efforts.

Truly, it is my contention that most review in the way they believe will be best received and appreciated without putting forth too much effort, in hopes that their poems will be read and approved in return. Then, there is always the aspect that not very many are serious about improving their skills, and want to be reassured by brags for doing it their own way, regardless the quality, and this is the way it is on most all of these poetry sites … still, I enjoy sharing and having my poetry read and enjoyed by others, even if they don't believe they have what it takes to master the craft and are after a bit of easy enjoyment, or simply have no desire to do so.

Poetry is like all the rest of the world, it is composed of all sorts, and honestly, it makes for an otherwise boring scenario, even if I do wish everyone would want to be a master at our gloriously infinite craft … LOL!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed Richard, indeed!

[Richard🖌]

… and, "infinitely glorious".