THE BIRD IN ME (poignant)

Unmetered Quatrains in a simple rhyme scheme.

"A Heavenly Contest Winner"

Author's Note

Sort'a in a sad mood this morning — not one of my best efforts, but just needed to get it out … hope no one will mind; at least, it is a little creative and therapeutic.

This piece is embellished with Letter Lace (see my Blog on this,technique).

Constructively critical reviews are always welcome and appreciated. : )

Reviews

[KTizzle]

Who is the hunter saying, "sure?" to? Is it himself so as to come across as sarcastic? Is it a conscious thing you're getting at? Maybe he's answering the "voice in his crown."

I think this is sooo sad, but the rhythm is really good. The happy tone created by the rhythm mixed with the sad theme of the poem created an irony I enjoyed. It reminds me of the self criticizing part of ourselves. The bird represents for me the talent that springs from our being and then the hunter is the critical part of ourselves that can shoot down our inner potential. I'm not into simple poetry all that much, but I like the simplicity of this.

Thanks for sharing! Have a great day! Congratulations on winning the contest.

[Richard🖌]

Hi, dear poetess! : )
I am so very happy to find you've been here, leaving some of your delightful essence, and I thank you warmly and sincerely for selecting one of my little compositions to read and review, and especially for your insightful and pertinent questions, that show real interest. Then, the deeply abiding content of your understanding comments have shown great insights in understanding my not always easy to poetry … LOL!
Certainly, your words of expressed appreciation, enjoyment, and accolades, both inspire and encourage my creative juices.
To clarify: The entirely of this piece expresses the internal dialogue of its author … much of its content emphasized with metaphor.
I hope you will find the time to enjoy more of my humble efforts, as I have truly enjoyed sharing your input and take on this one. : )

Thank you again, M'Lady, for finding favor in this piece, even though it is so simple, and I thank you with smiles for you thoughtful "Congratulations!" … grateful hugs to you, and the happiest of holidays! Richard

[Lyn Anderson]

Not sure why you are not fond of this one -- I think it has a very sharp, painful, clear message.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you most graciously, KL, for reading and commenting on this poignant little piece.

read moreThank you most graciously, KL, for reading and commenting on this poignant little piece.

My misgiving, probably, has more to do with the impetus for composing it, than the poem, itself … I'm glad you came away with something worthwhile.

Blessings! ⁓ Richard

[Marianne Rose]

So startled was I by the ending, even after the introduction of the hunter, I had to read it three times through in succession, heart breaking each time. The poem almost lures me into it's happy tone, then presents me with an enemy I want to overcome, or teach, or banish from the bird's presence. The bird asks nothing more than to be itself, to fly, to sing, to live in thankfulness for its simple life, all what it is meant to do. I suppose the hunter is meant to shoot- he is who he is, just like the bird - but I see hunters as seeking their prey, enjoying the hunt, killing for food or for sport. There is no sport in killing a defenseless bird who only wants to offer its gifts. The hunter seems to stand in cold anger, jealousy?, cynicism. He cannot sing or fly, or enter thankfulness. He cannot hear the beauty of the bird's voice or feel awe when he witnesses it fly. His only weapon, his only power, is something not a part of himself - the gun.
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist just walking through the poem as I felt it. In the end, it leaves me so sad, mourning the loss of the bird's gifts, feeling sorry for the hunter's blindness (and deafness) and trying to find compassion for anyone who has to snuff life out, inside or out, not believing in or honoring the other's gifts.
Thank you for a moving and surprising read.

[Richard🖌]

Gosh, Marianne!
What a detailed and heartfelt review for this poem of deeply sad expression.
If it were about that which you've gotten from it, I would, undoubtedly, wholly agree with you, M'Lady, but it is completely in metaphor, with the bird no more than an analogy for happiness and joy that something in life's pain and suffering killed in me (at the time it was penned).
I did not particularly admire its form or ease of flow, but it came out so real I was reluctant to change anything … highly unusual for me, but it was as much therapeutic as technical; obviously, more-so.
I doodled around with it, dressing it up with colors and doodads to make it more palatable, and thought seriously what do do with it: trash it, set it aside for a second look, etc; and, decided it was one of the most real things I'd written, and for that reason alone posted it.

I thank you, also, for your deeply abiding and sincerely caring words shared in review for this simple, but powerfully-touching little piece … hugs to you, Lady-Poet! ⁓ Richard

[Marianne Rose]

Oh, I did not see it as merely the tale of a bird and hunter for sure- but of two inner aspects of the poet's nature. Perhaps the Hunter is not an inner aspect taking down the innocence and delight of the bird nature- but often outward enemies (or suffering) become introjects that eat away inside of us, take up arms having been deprived of power- side with the external enemy. Don't know if this happened for you, but it is interesting to think about how far to take the metaphor within. And yes, I can feel how real it is, particularly the shock of having something killed off so ruthlessly. My heartfelt gratitude and compassion for your experiences, your resilience, and how you express your journey. Always, your friend and Lady, Marianne

[Richard🖌]

You make writing and sharing truly a worthwhile pleasure, Marianne! ⁓ Richard

[S.A. Kurzweil]

Richard, This is the first poem I have read from you and I am already learning, even as you say this is "not one of my best efforts". I'm looking forward to reading more. I found a lot of inspiration in this one, in both the poem's structure and the subject matter of canabalizing inner emotions.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, SA, for your thoughtful and informative review.
Nothing greater could I hope for than another poet will take something of value with them from one of my pieces.
I have read each of your posted poems, and your profile comments about sharing, etc; and, as a teacher of poetry for many years, I wondered what (if anything) you would wish to accomplish here with your poetical efforts.
If there is anything I can offer, be sure to let me know.

In-any-event, It pleases me greatly that you have selected one of my poems to read and review,and most importantly, "Welcome to the Writers' Cafe!"
Thank you most humbly and sincerely! ⁓ Richard

[S.A. Kurzweil]

Thank you Richard! A friend encouraged me to post and I quickly discovered the potential to learn and draw inspiration from others. The reviews greatly contribute to that experience and the sense of community. While it was not my original intent, I plan to be a more deliberate participant going forward.

[sandpiper66]

I felt for the bird in you.

[Richard🖌]

Well, not much of a review, but I do so appreciate you stopping by, your time spent reading this sad little piece, and that you left a brief comment! ⁓ Richard

[sandpiper66]

Apologies for my minimalism.... I felt for the bird in you...let me explain more....You poem helped me feel your frustration, possibly your loneliness, and restlessness. It's the thing poetry does...keeps us in touch with our real selves and unites us with others through those same feelings. Your poem did that for me and was well-written and evocative. I am still figuring things out here, but really enjoying reading your poetry.

[Richard🖌]

I am most grateful for any little thing⁓*

[Kshitij Srivastava]

Two sides of the same coin. I believe, both of them are equally responsible and important for the existence of the coin. I liked your angle too and the rhyming...well i needn't talk about that. Enjoyed reading it, thanks for sharing ☺

[Richard🖌]

I have no idea what you're talking about with the coin thingy or what your "needn't talk about that" comment means, but I deeply appreciate you selecting this sad piece to read, and for your expressed enjoyment and praise.

Blessings and most grateful thanks to you, Dear Poet! ⁓ Richard

[Kshitij Srivastava]

Oops...Maybe I wasn't too clear.
I was referring to the 'hunter' and the 'happy bird' as two sides of the same coin. And that the hunter phase is equally as important as the bird. All your writings show that they remain very natural sounding regardless of whether it follows a rhyme scheme or not. That's what i meant by 'needn't talk....' lol

[Richard🖌]

Oh, thank you for interpreting those abstracts for me … I am often literal, thus a very simple bard.

[Kshitij Srivastava]

Yes, me too. I guess, I was too overwhelmed by joining in a site like this. I have not ever read so much in my entire life.

[Richard🖌]

I certainly hope it is proving to be an enjoyable and worthwhile experience for you, My Friend.

[Kshitij Srivastava]

I actually haven't learned words enough to express the level of satisfaction it gives me to hear kind words and read wonderful poems from people like yourself ☺

[Richard🖌]

Kshitij,
I think it only matters that you are truthful and sincere in your reviews, expressing your deeper self in a manner everyone can grasp, speaking in a language even a simple man like me can understand. : )

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Richard. I am most certain I recently reviewed this and my review does not seem to be on it?

[Richard🖌]

Hm?
I am very sorry John, and not sure what might have happened.
Review it again and I shall comment appropriately.
I know "the Party" was accidentally deleted after you (the first one) reviewed it, and I had not yet notified you of that, but this one has stayed put since first posting … site gremlins at play, ye think? ~ RJ

[EileenMarie]

When your happy & someone just wants to shoot you down! I know plenty! I hoped the bird would fly away & leave the hunter speechless!
Still a cute poem, very reflective!

[Richard🖌]

Again, EileenMarie,
You select one of my pieces and make me so very happy I wrote and shared it.
I does sadden me to know such a lovely lady relates to this particular verse, but you bond us nicely by letting me know what is in my mind and heart is am understood in a real way.
I, too, hoped it might have metaphorically flown-off with its happy voice, or chased the hunter in me away; alas, my sorrow could not bear its beautiful song, but it is all gone now and that bird has been gifted new life, landing on the heart you've helped gladden. : )

Thank you, for the sweet praise and your wonderful insights, EileenMarie … happiest hugs! ⁓ Richard

[Relic]

~ Although you had no intentions, in light of the recent shootings in S.C, the comparison in this is somewhat striking. ~

[Richard🖌]

Of course, it would be very insensitive of me to write and post a poem having to do with shooting people in a church when it has recently happened, but as you can see this has naught to do with anything but the angst that had its grip on me days before the shootings took place.
Yes, I can certainly understand how one might have taken the surface value of this poem in the way you've alluded; yet, its deep metaphorical essence is far removed from any reference or comparison to any actual shootings, unfortunate and untimely though they may be.

Thank you, Dear Poet, for reading and commenting on my humble work, peace and blessings be with thee! ⁓ Richard

[Valentine]

Gee whiz, when my father went hunting all of those years ago it was to FEED his hungry kids. All things feed off of something else or we would not be here. Scientific Fact!!!! Valentine

[Richard🖌]

I certainly cannot differ, Kathie, with your thoughtfully factual words and highly regarded personal sharing … yet, the kind of hunter in my poem (of course) is the one that callously shot down my inner bird of happiness.

It is impossible, though, to be unhappy when I see your name in review under one of my poems … smiles 'n warmest hug of thanks, Dear Kathie! ⁓ Richard

[Valentine]

Some of us get a kick out of Rascals. Kathie

[Richard🖌]

MMmmm, and some of us really enjoy Kathies. ; )

[Valentine]

We all need a few smiles a day. Kathie

[Richard🖌]

… and, you inspire mine 😃 so nicely!

[~]

You surely know how to intensify your feelings through verses.

There is sadness yes, but serenity as well. The poignant feelings are well expressed leaving the reader in a perplexed mood.

hope all is well with you :D

[~]

always happy to hear that you are doing well :D -- keep smiling!!

[Richard🖌]

Yes, "Skittles, you're quite correct … it seems I have a knack for spilling over into my words with whatever mood might have me in its grip.
It appears you virtually see into me as if I were less than substance … only life and living it in many dimensions allows this, or it's the "gift" as I call it, an intuitive consciousness about others, their thoughts, feelings, emotions, and motives, and it makes for the most masterfully accomplished and talented teacher, friend, wife, mother, and all around genius.
Ah, but whatever, "baffled" is the last way I would expect to leave you, and "Yes, all is very well, as this is merely one of those vaporous pockets from the past finding its way into my ink."
Thank you ever-so appreciatively for all your wonderful reviews this day, and may the rest of yours be filled with joyful bliss, as you've helped fill mine! ⁓ Richard