THE BIRD IN ME (poignant)

Unmetered Quatrains in a simple rhyme scheme.

"A Heavenly Contest Winner"

Author's Note

Sort'a in a sad mood this morning — not one of my best efforts, but just needed to get it out … hope no one will mind; at least, it is a little creative and therapeutic.

This piece is embellished with Letter Lace (see my Blog on this,technique).

Constructively critical reviews are always welcome and appreciated. : )

Reviews

[KTizzle]

Who is the hunter saying, "sure?" to? Is it himself so as to come across as sarcastic? Is it a conscious thing you're getting at? Maybe he's answering the "voice in his crown."

I think this is sooo sad, but the rhythm is really good. The happy tone created by the rhythm mixed with the sad theme of the poem created an irony I enjoyed. It reminds me of the self criticizing part of ourselves. The bird represents for me the talent that springs from our being and then the hunter is the critical part of ourselves that can shoot down our inner potential. I'm not into simple poetry all that much, but I like the simplicity of this.

Thanks for sharing! Have a great day! Congratulations on winning the contest.

[Richard🖌]

Hi, dear poetess! : )
I am so very happy to find you've been here, leaving some of your delightful essence, and I thank you warmly and sincerely for selecting one of my little compositions to read and review, and especially for your insightful and pertinent questions, that show real interest. Then, the deeply abiding content of your understanding comments have shown great insights in understanding my not always easy to poetry … LOL!
Certainly, your words of expressed appreciation, enjoyment, and accolades, both inspire and encourage my creative juices.
To clarify: The entirely of this piece expresses the internal dialogue of its author … much of its content emphasized with metaphor.
I hope you will find the time to enjoy more of my humble efforts, as I have truly enjoyed sharing your input and take on this one. : )

Thank you again, M'Lady, for finding favor in this piece, even though it is so simple, and I thank you with smiles for you thoughtful "Congratulations!" … grateful hugs to you, and the happiest of holidays! Richard

[lovelymarina]

Ahh this one hurt me! I was taken back at the ending.. which makes this poem so well done, to understand how we can harm something so beautiful and lovely. Well-written Richard.
Marina

[Richard🖌]

Thank you sincerely, Dear Marina 🌾

The entirety of this rather sad little piece is written in metaphor to the inner pain and hopelessness of a person whose life is falling apart, suddenly hearing a bird outside his window trying to cheer his spirits. But, lost in the throes of his sadness, cannot hear the bird's joy and blocks it out.

No birds were harmed during the writing of this poem.
Hugs 'n happy warmth! ⁓ Richard🖌

[lightsong]

The tenderness, the gentleness, the sensitiveness, the beauty, the source of glorious feelings, my core, this free singing bird inside me, soaring with my dreams, lifting up my musical spirit, singing inside with my poetic voice, turning each ethereal tone into a written word… pain can haunt it down, the world can haunt it down, fate can haunt it down, some rude people can haunt it down… can hurt that gentlest core… this is a profound poem, and You've described with an ironic manly way, a wounded Bard in the most beautiful, touching, manly poetic way.

[lightsong]

Your choice for the bird's picture is perfect to, a sparrow I think?

[Richard🖌]

Amazing, GH,
How it is you understand the core essence and every nuance of this piece, how you've so eloquently, succinctly, and vividly expressed your feeling, emotion, and empathetic heart, soul, and mind so pricelessly at its every juncture.
Such a stunning review, Dear Lady-Poet, one that rewards an olde bard's honest, humble efforts in the highest, most gratify ways he could hope for.

Thank you ever-so warmly and gratefully … hugs to You* ⁓ Richard : )

Yes, it was a happy little sparrow.

[lightsong]

Yes, I know he will dance inside happily again, the "core" never dies, I can hear him from here... singing softly beautifully :)

[Richard🖌]

I hear him, too.

[Gee]

If it were a chicken....ooh I love chicken. Emotions change, feelings change. One minute the bird might be the best thing since sliced bread, the next, its toast. I like reading you Richard, seldom comment as " I like this " can grate

[Richard🖌]

No grating here, Gee, as I am not cheese or nutmeg … LOL!
I like it that you got it so right, and that you like reading me, too. : )

Big blessings to ya, and thanks for your uniquely enjoyable review! ⁓ Richard

[Great Aunt Astri]

Ah, but it is so poignant! Poignancy too has its place. It is cathartic! gets you better. I thought you poem was so beautiful ... no really. And so well presented. I love the feathered creatures ..... no really! I wish I knew how to print off a copy!

[Richard🖌]

Thank you so very much for your lovely words of encouraging praise understanding and expressed enjoyment.
A review such as yours is that which every poetess and bard would hope for.

Thank you again, so very sincerely … most grateful smiles 'n hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[Great Aunt Astri]

Don't get carried away, Richard! It's only a poem!

[Richard🖌]

I'm expressing appreciation for your lovely review, not the poem.
I'm not much on token comments.

[Great Aunt Astri]

actually, I meant don't get carried away in praise of my review! I meant, all i was doing was reviewing a poem! ButI really did like that poem!

[Richard🖌]

Thank you.

[emmajoy]

Sometimes we feel guilty about happiness, hear a rippling stream but need dam it perhaps? Seems we punish ourselves needlessly, Thus, shoot down the bird of joy and contentment til it no longer exists. That's my interpretation of your finely displayed words, truly hope it doesn't offend.

[Richard🖌]

Offend?
Gosh, Em!
I don't think you could offend me with your best effort … I just do not see you in that way.
But, what I do see is a deeply insightful and perceptive woman, who grasps human nature with sheer precision and perfection … in this wee verse, anyway.
I cannot tell you with words how wonderfully rewarding it feels to be grasped so completely through one of my poems … sighhh!

Thank you for reading this one, and blessing me with your words … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard : )

[emmajoy]

I hope tomorrow's dawn brings you light and joy, Richard.. truly do.

[Richard🖌]

Born by your true hope, it is warmly assured.

[Einstein Noodle]

whimsical sarcasm and irony do make one laugh a bit ..

rose to the sash
what is the clatter

the damn bird on the fence
this morning has shattered

up with my groggy
shotgun in hand

i blasted that bird
my rest i command ;}

E.

[Richard🖌]

Hey, Gene!
I don't know how I missed one of your reviews, until now, but I like your take and response to this one ; quite original and apropos. ; )

Thanks, My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[Einstein Noodle]

not very good (my response)..but fun ..
i can see how "The Bird in Me" is a contest winner .. :)

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, My Fine Friend, and a good morning to you! : )

[Brianna Brie]

Just the fact that I love birds makes this an awesome write. This can be dissected in many ways one of which self talk cripples and kills. I sure do enjoy reading your poetry.

[Richard🖌]

Hi, again, Brianna!
I enjoy you reading my poetry, as-well. ; )
I definitely do, most especially when your words tell me you are in-tune with them so harmoniously.

Yours, the kind of reviews a hopeful bard dreams of … thank you sincerely, Dear Poetess! ⁓ Richard

[William Liston]

I wonder why you don't consider this one of your best efforts ... it's certainly one of my favorites by you.

There is beauty in simplicity, and I think you've proven that with this poem. It felt lively at first, but I could certainly feel the sorrow at the end of this piece. I like how you used the "bird and hunter" situation as an analogy for your emotions. The title reflected that very well too. This poem reminded me of "Sympathy" by Paul Laurence Dunbar, although the message/theme is different.

If I may critique, I must say that I stumbled on the word "Bah," mainly because I've never heard that expression before. If I were you, I'd replace it with "Ughh!" which (I think) is more common, but whether you change that or not, this is a brilliant piece.

- William Liston

[Richard🖌]

William,
I seldom share poems derived from my real emotion, and I'm thinking for the reasons I penned this one is why I consider it less than one of my stellar pieces. Fact is, I've read it at least a hundred times, and it might well be because of how it makes me feel from the real and personal remembrance, too.
It is easy to grasp what you mean in your "stumble", William, but for the purpose of intent, "bah" works best in this instance, because it is expresses scorn, rancor, bitterness, etc; while "ugh" is an exclamation of disgust, distaste, horror, etc; though, something may well work better than "bah", too … it just shows the bitter way I felt at the time.

If anyone was going to get his one, I knew it would be you, My Friend; many thanks for your positive comments on it … this sincerely means a lot to me! ⁓ Richard

[William Liston]

I was glad to review it, and I understand your point on the "Bah" thing.