I am⁓ (lightly deep)

Free Style Form (unstructured verse with intermittent rhymes dispersed throughout, composed with rhythm, flow, and line-breaks in comfortable places)

I am the snow, the light and wind,

the ice-glazed wonder

of the trees ...

a comfy blanket soft and warm, 

dove nestled in its leaves. 

A wind-chime's dance 

enchanting thee,

the lace upon your windowpane,

love song's flowing melody,

the beat of your heart,

in every breath;

but, most of all

I am in your soul and spirit,

as you are alive in mine,

and all things free

inside of me.

Yes, I am forever You,

as You are Me.

Richard W. Jenkins

©2015

Author's Note

Constructive critique, please.

Reviews

[Rose Olstrom]

When I look at this poem I do not see god (this may be partly due to the fact that I am not christian). I see it as a memory. you see the reflection of it in every thing you do and who you are. Each and every memory you have make you whole. Either way this poem gets a 99/100

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Rose! : )
Thanks for selecting this humble little piece to read and review for me, and for your encouraging, appreciative praise through your high score, indeed.
When composing this piece, God had not entered my mind, as it is a poem of love intended for my imaginary soul-mate. Only after receiving several comments considering it God's voice speaking did it dawn on me it could be taken in that way; and, now, you make me see that it could be written as a memory, too, as to a loved-one who has departed this life or simply gone away.
Noting you gave less than a full mark, what did you see, Rose, you felt will help better this piece?

A bushel of grateful thanks to you for such a deeply-meaningful review, My Friend! 〜 Richard

[Rose Olstrom]

I honestly thought the Ellipse used in the first line was unnecessary, that maybe because it only held no meaning to me. But one person's Favorite sound is another's cacophony .
Your Friend,
Rose

[Richard🖌]

Thanks, Dear Rose, for sharing your input and honest feelings with me.

The ellipsis there is properly grammatically used to indicate a pause and to eliminate the necessity of a transition word from the first to second verse, as it would not otherwise have been a completed thought (sentence, if you will).
Ellipsis: used in the omission from speech or writing of a word or words.

Perhaps, if you re-read it now, it might make more sense; I know I often have to do a double-take on others' punctuation, too … LOL!

Thanks again for your valued input! ⁓ RJ

[Adeyna]

very powerful word usage sir I do love how everything flows and it does paint a beautiful picture ...almost like a very heartfelt whisper at the start ...I am not a poetry teacher by far ...however I think there is something missing in the section where it says "I am in your soul and spirit, as you are living in mine, and all things free inside of me" ...maybe it is just me but it doesn't seem to read as smoothly as the rest?

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Adeyna, for your beautifully worded and expressed review of this lovely little piece, and for gifting it your honest critique and input in an effort to help me improve on my writing skills.
I have addressed your comments, did not determine that there was any considerable issue with flow, but "any" issue deserves attention and correction if deemed necessary, and from the attention of your keen eye I have made some adjustments and word changes that did, indeed, seem to make that portion flow and read better.
I think changing "living" to "alive" helped a lot, as did removing, "and all things free in my world".
I cannot thank you enough for your generous help, Adeyne … bless you for caring! 〜 Richard

[Adeyna]

oh yes that is absolutely perfect it definitely flows completely thru all the way now! I am so honored that it made sense :) and thank you for listening

[Richard🖌]

You've made me want to listen, Adeyna, and I thank you so very much for your help! : )

[usman]

Sir,am really inspired by this your piece.
Thank you for sharing it

[Richard🖌]

You are most welcome, usman, and thank you for being "really inspired" by one of my humble pieces! 〜 Richard

[Tate Morgan]

Very beautiful whimsical rhythmic

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Tate, for taking your time to read this, and for the gratifying praise! 〜 Richard

[Tate Morgan]

You are welcome richard I see deep sense of class in you. It is always nice to see that in our fellows

[Richard🖌]

Blush! : )

[JayceeC]

Richard, I have read through this several times for several reasons. You have penned the very essence of Love, whether it is the love of God, or a more romantic or familial type of love doesn't matter. The important part it's that it is in and with you always, becoming a natural past of your world.
That said I also have some constructives for you. S2L1 this one is a nitpick, but change "the comfy" to "a comfy" as it links the blanket back to the tree instead of creating a new image in the blanket, one is the blanket of leaves the orher my favorite blanket to cuddle in.
S3L5- I'd delete this one altogether. It's not needed for understanding, flow, or rhyme, and the word take has a harsh sound when compared too the softer silibance of your other word choices. If you feel it's needed for the importance of You, I'd add it back to line 4 instead of enjambing which gives an unnatural pause.
Just some thought from my pov. Take or leave.
Jan

[Richard🖌]

Dear Jan,
Your POV is exactly what I admire and look forward to, and I cannot thank you enough for your helpful efforts in bettering this piece … we both know that anything that cannot be changed cannot be improved upon, and poetry is always a work in progress.
Big, grateful thanks, Dear Lady-Poet … it reads so much better now! 〜 Richard

[Richard🖌]

Thank you most warmly, too, for the beautifully-enthralling praise and appreciation expressed of this wonderful poem, Jan … you inspire me! 〜 Richard

[JayceeC]

Glad you found this helpful, and flattered you decided to use my suggestions.. I sometimes wonder if people are least of giving you suggestions because of your profession, but even Whitman had some room for improvement. (I've always though "Daffodils" while lovely imagery has some forced rhyme choices). Of course some older pieces have been perfected through critique or time giving a bit of impartiality, but I like to read.some that are not there yet. Not every write is in need of edits, but most of mine could sometimes use something, and it's hard to tell just what. That's why I post in a writers community..Not just for a pat on the head. I'm glad to have found some like-minded friends here to help out. I'm glad tho count you as one. Jan

[Richard🖌]

Jan,
Over the years, I've learned that useful help can come from novice and master, alike.read moreJan,
Over the years, I've learned that useful help can come from novice and master, alike.
I am ever-so humbled and grateful by those who unselfishly undertake to take their time and effort to gift me and my work any and all they can, and I thank you profusely for your generous and giving lovely self … big hugs to you, Jan! 〜 RJ

[SleeplessVolcano]

You paint a beautiful picture of the omnipresence of God......like David said....."I go to heaven, I find you there, even in hell, your presence lingers"........not quite a concept our feeble brains can grasp, but I'd say it is good to find solace in what we do not necessarily have to understand? :)

Inspired writing!

[Richard🖌]

Thank you ever-so gratefully for your praise and for selecting this fine Free Style poem to read, interpret, and comment on. I very much enjoyed your take.
In no way do I consider my brain "feeble", nor am I in the least confused about David's words, as you have put them, at least.

Thank you again! 〜 Richard

[SleeplessVolcano]

If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. Ps 139:8-9
Is the actual quote of David.....so I don't think my way of putting it was far off.....:)
And considering the wisest, sanest, most brilliant minds on earth, compared to the wisdom of God, I'd say they are all feeble.....as in feeble-minded and superficial, as humans tend to be.....:)

[Richard🖌]

They, indeed, don't seem to be far off, but as a simple earthling, I'm not qualified to know
if what you say about the "wisdom of God" is true, or that "the wisest, sanest, most brilliant minds on earth are feeble" in comparison, but I do know that my mind is not too feeble to grasp what you said about David's words, and that I don't have to be a rocket scientist to understand that verse from the Bible.
Thank you for elucidating further, and again for your review.

[PANDORA]

I read FT's review. Is it weird that I never thought of God but of someone who can transverse time and space. This absolutely glided down the page from beginning to end. As someone who never follows rules when writing, I love the unstructured meter as if you just sat down wrote what had to get out and left it undisturbed of the laws of writing.

Thanks for another great adventure.

[Richard🖌]

How wonderful you've taken an interest in my poetry, Sheri … it makes me so happy!
You are quite correct, too, that poetry is a great adventure, and great poetry always follows rules, for great poetry requires knowledge, discipline, practice, and creativity. Neither Free Verse nor Free Style poetry is without rules. Just as any form of poetry, the goal of any truly talented poet is to make their work appear to be effortless, regardless what form it may follow.
No one can pick-up a pen and scribe great poetry at a whim or by accident.
Here are the rules for Free Style poetry:
FREE STYLE POETRY
Must maintain a single theme throughout.
No set syllable-count per line.
Must contain end-line rhyme (additional internal rhyme is okay), with no set rhyme-scheme, but must be proper rhymes, and rhymes must be placed appropriately — as not to interfere with flow.
Line-breaks must be placed to allow for continuity of thought, where emphasis of thought or mood is highest.
Verse separation must occur when a new thought is introduced, or (may be) when thought, mood, idea, emotion, etc; needs extending and separating.
The wrap-up line or verse must either be the title, or significant and/or conclusive and reflective of the title and/or theme.
No rule to the number of lines, and can be about any topic.
Must have proper capitalization, spelling, and punctuation.

[...]

I love this :) It's true, we are all pieces of a whole and love is the puzzle master. Awesome writing, sir!

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Dear Lynn!
The warm, sweet touch of your words tell me we have related through this poem, and what better reward could there for a hopeful bard than this, and the inspiration of your praise encourages me to keep my olde pen filled, warmed, and ready … smiles and grateful hugs to you, Lynn! ~ Richard

[...]

:) yes please do keep that pen working. I plan on reading much more of you!

[....................]

When I first read through this, I immediately thought the speaker was God, reminding us that He is ever present in all that we see and hear and that He is alive in us as we are in Him. Again I read and thought, yes, it might be God, but it could also be a loved one that has passed on, reminding the one left behind that he/she was still there, in spirit and in all of nature's wonder. Again, it could be life speaking to the living... such is the power of great poetry: it is written with a specific intention by the author but can speak to many in different ways.

Now that I have rambled my interpretations, I have to say that i love the free verse form (allowing for such open creativity without having to play to rules), love the intermittent rhyme and the figurative language. This is just beautiful, Richard!

[Richard🖌]

Dear Thomas,
A bushel of thanks to you, my friend, for the gift of such an inspiring and encouraging review of appreciation and expression of enjoyment and understanding for this softly-rendered little piece.

I, also, have very much enjoyed your variety of elucidations and comments; each, I find as valid as the next, and it is gratifyingly amazing how broad the creativity of your mind spans … I love it!
I really did leave this one open to interpretation; yet, I was imaginatively speaking into a lover's depths from my own, but it's just another take (among many possibilities) to consider, eh? The paths you've taken this one down make it far more varied and interesting for me … I wish more reviewers would do this.

Free Verse and Free Style: Though, unstructured in line count and order, most do not realize there are rules to these forms in punctuation, line-breaks, phraseology, flow, poetic voice, presentation, etc; if the poet wishes their work to flow, to make sense, to hold adequate and deserving appeal to the reader and author, alike.

Thank you so very much, Thomas, for your marvelous review; from a poet of your stature, your words are as gold … I would very much enjoy your take and critique on any of my poems! ~ Richard

[....................]

Richare, it is my pleasure, sir... when a piece moves me to write, then I write what I feel, as the piece speaks to me.

I will be returning to read more of your work...

Regards,
Thomas

[mattavelli]

Hi Richard, great write here. You start us off with strong images and finish with a lovely message. Thanks for sharing. Matt

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Matt!
A change of pace from the Sonnets, eh?
Thank you so much for selecting this wee poem to read and comment on, My Friend … peace and smiles! ~ Richard

[Kelly Scheppers]

Free style agrees with you. It's a welcoming form, allowing its writer to push the boundaries of imagination. It's my cup of tea...wait, let's make that a cup of coffee!

Hope you have fared well against the horrible storms there, in Texas.

[Richard🖌]

Aw, Kelly … thank you ever-so warmly for the great compliment, and for sharing your choice of steaming beverage … I love a hot mug of souchong lapsing every morning to warm nicely from the inside-out. : ) Black coffee used to be the choice, and tea has become a welcome change of late.
As we chat, I'm looking outside at 6" of water still in my yard, which 2-hours ago was covering the street; so, it slowly subsiding … thank you for caring, dear lady, and thank you for reading and liking my humble Free Verse … smiles 'n hugs! ~ Richard