Smile Bus

Two dopes on a bus write a book.

Smile Bus

So I’m on the bus and across the aisle from me are these two guys. They look like they’re straight out of the modern psychedelic movement. The one of the left has longer hair, and he’s got this face that won’t stop smiling, and I don’t understand it. His pants are slightly rolled up and I can see his ankles. Nice ankles. In his hand is a book without a cover, but with a pen hanging off of it. He always said things to the other guy so slowly, like every word was drawn out and carefully placed into the air. God, why were they always smiling?

The second boy, on the right, had shorter and wavier hair. He was all like “Universe” this, “Cosmic love-energy” that. That kid was always messing with his mustache, twirling it to curl on his face and whatnot. His shirt had a sort of tribal pattern to it, and it looked like he was wearing yoga pants or something. Then his phone rang.

“Hullllooooo,” he said in the weirdest f*****g tone I have ever heard someone say hello. “Woah, woah hey slow down there chief.” Who was he calling chief? Then the smile completely disappeared from his face. He turned to the other guy and handed him the phone, “It’s for you.” he said.

The boy on the left listened for a few seconds before saying anything. “Now listen here Julianne,” he started off aggressively but almost in a comedic way. “You better round up those cats, we can’t be having a cat parade on a Tuesday, that just isn’t sensible.” Now this is where I was really lost, he paused and kind of hummed for a second. “We’re on the bus.” More humming, I could only hear a muffled sound on the other line from where I was but it sounded frustrated. “Yes we ate them, what else would we have done with them, girly?” The other guy laughed quietly at this.

“Let me talk to her,” he said. “Yo Julie, look, we’re gonna be there in a hot minute dontchu worry about those cats I’ll herd them in a jiffy you dig me?” The combination of words this kid was using was making my head spin. There was silence. The bus stopped and they got off. They left their book behind. I didn’t notice until they were gone so I picked it up and started reading it.
What struck me first was the very detailed drawing of a penis, I mean this was some artistic s**t right here; weird, but well done. Then I began to read the next page:

“Hello traveller adjacent to us. Welcome to the book. I have left this behind as a token of my appreciation for your existence and well-being.” I was in disbelief for a little bit. “What you have in your hands is the secret code to the heart.” This was some really whacky hippy stuff and I was not about it. But I turned the page anyways. The entirety of the book was filled with the lyrics to ‘She Will Be Loved’ by Maroon 5, written over and over again. Sometimes on top of other words, which turned out to be the lyrics just written vertically. F**k.