The tear cuts its way

The tear cuts its way
Burns my cheek and I can't stand it.
Yesterday I was OK,
I was fine and hanging on,
But not today.
Cursed in hell to hurt and suffer,
was there ever a reason?
Guess I'm to blame, who else there is?
My heart widens until it's torn,
Hollow and empty, its core revealed,
Weak... weak...

O heart!
I call thy blood
Quench thy thirst
Relieve thy hurt,
Thy agony,
O love!
Return thy home
Live thy lust
Release thy wings,
Thy pain.

 Doomed to exile,
Agonizing, unwhole, half-hearted and bleeding
Veins lust for the touch
of a human hand, a caress...
Crippled but alive, and it hurts
To know there's enough soul left,
But whose desires cannot fulfill,
It hurts...

Tomorrow the sun comes up
Melts away the memory of nearing death
Yet with memory's deceit, I realize
The moon will rise
And brings about the same damn pain,
All over again. 

Reviews

[Emel Kay]

This poem is interesting in a few different ways: first, it seems like there is a big cut between the first stanza, the second stanza and then the third and fourth together. It's in the language, and not the subject matter. In the second stanza you begin to use very archaic and "poetic" language. I think you use thy in all the lines of the stanza. I know that alot of people want to use thy to make their poetry fit into the poetry we were taught poetry is supposed to sound like, but it doesn't fit this particular poem. You're using modern English and then middle English, and that makes it confusing to the reader as to whether you're doing it to make it sound poetic or if it's the voice of the speaker in the poem.
I think you could have a very good grasp on the emotion of hurting, and then feeling some relief only to realize that you will hurt again soon, but you don't seem to be using your own language to express it. A couple of times you do, and it's wonderful; such as: ...and it hurts/To know there's enough soul left/but whose desires cannot fill...". That's solid, a great take on how to express that pain. But then you go ahead and just write "It hurts..." just after that line. The reader knows it hurts, you just gave us an amazing description of how it does, and you must trust the reader to see that description and understand what you are saying.
I think you've got alot going in this piece, and you can do much much more with it if you'd like to. Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to reading your work again.

[Coyote Poetry]

A excellent poem. The description is very good in the poem. We can't accept defeat. We must learn and become stronger. Last lines left me with emptiness. At long as we can breath and walk. We can do great things.
Coyote

[Adrian K. Smith]

I could only read a bit of the featured review before I could read no more. I reached a point where I disagreed, and being somewhat close minded... well, I stopped. The point was in regards to the second stanza. I believe it fit well in the way I read it. The first and third stanzas oozed a solemnity of pain. They were dour, their taste sour. The first caused ache. Then the second, which I took as a curse. I felt in it anger. They were not meant to be the words of the normal man, the one in agony. They offered a sharp contrast, drawing attention to the anger that resides in the frustration of pain. It just brought that much more as we came to the third stanza. Like an amplifier, that second stanza intensified the rawness of the third. Then again, I am not a professional critic - I simply know what I know, and I know that to me - this works well.

[Fear Corrupts!]

Good write. I quite intense. You set a good mood. Keep up the good work.

[Teenage poet]

The pain and emotion from this poem. It's just amazing. I love it.