I'm a Russkii

You'll hear me before you'll even see me

We are recognized by our fast-phased speech,

Earthshaking vocals, and strong expressions

You'll notice the way I'm drinking my tea, 

With one side of the spoon in my glass,

And the other side poking me in the eye

The first thing you'll think is that I'm upset,

Aggressive, or simply sick in the head

You'll think so because of my voice going up,

Whenever my comrade is trying to reply

The truth is, I'm fragile and easily hurt

I'm emotional and passionate, whatever I do

We're not exchanging insults - we're joking around

And what my mouth is doing is far from a scowl,

I'm just pitying the public's ears

And trying not to laugh

Ambitious and confident,

Headstrong and proud,

Those are the traits that make me so loud,

I'm a dozen Italians in one package

And why always 'Mafia' just cause we stay close?

We're just trying to survive a foreign place

It's true that there's nothing to which we can't adapt,

But it is so easy to loose ourselves

We're scared to ween from the 'Russian Program'

Only one who was born there may survive the madness

It's either in or out

And we just can't live without our culture,

Without the language, 

Without our like-minded ones

'Russian' isn't a race; isn't a nation

It's a diagnosis

Once you taste the world like we do,

There is not turning back

I talk a lot? Why, yes I do!

I'm full of ideas, in search of something new

I discuss my childhood, whilst still a teen,

I'm attacked by nostalgia on a daily basis,

I read books, I read the news,

I attend movies, concerts, and theater,

I'm dramatic and poetic, 

I respect history,

I respect ballet, 

I hate our modern pop-music,

And listen to the 60s-90s,

and Russian rap instead,

Full of love, tension, and tears, 

Full of meanings, philosophy,

Ah, it's heaven to my ears!

I'm dazzled by how rich, how difficult, yet simple

Is our mighty language

How anyone can understand you,

How you can  invent new words everyday, 

How games-of-words are fun to play,

And I just love it how I get a minimum of 20 mistakes

On spelling test and writing essays,

And a thousand in each homework - 

10 pages per day

per subject. 

I'm extremely nationalist

We're both ashamed yet PROUD of our nation,

We gossip about politics and criticize our own country, 

Yet **** *** **** ** out foreigner who do the same

Isn't that ironic?

So what if I don't have a Russian passport?

So what if I never been to the place?

So what if by most factors I'm officially Scandinavian? 

I know what its like there

I know what its like to be a Russian

I feel the Slavic blood in my veins!

I'm crazy about saunas,

I'm Orthodox and extremely religious,

I'm skeptical yet superstitious,

I love Borsch and garlic, 

And pancakes and berry dumplings,

And pastries and apple pies, 

And porridge and Shi,

Musrooms, tea, and all that's green

I'm logic yet dumb

I'm generous yet savy 

I'm thoughtful yet indifferent

I'm careful and distant

Yet open and sincere

Try figuring out being a Russian truly means

The things above are just a fraction of what it means to me

Don't judge us by our tourists

Try to get to know us better instead

You won't regret!

Author's Note

I got a *bit* emotional after being literally ACCUSED of calling myself a Russian. I doubt they'll be able to feel their back for quite a while now...